you know i hate the taste of this coffee
like your name on my weathered lips
it's a little bitter and a little hot
and all kinds of acidic

and the cup is orange and black and white
like i imagine the color of your soul
all kinds of autumn and october
with a whole lot left to know

it breaks my heart and burns my tongue
just like i'll smash the recycled cup
maybe i need to let it go
and just stick to my starbucks

"Hold me close and let me breathe from your lungs
Because we're every song that has yet to be sung
Hold me close and let me see through your eyes
Because I become yours at every stroke of midnight
Hold me close and let me love with your heart
Because every heartbeat away from you tears me apart
Hold me close and let me touch your soul
Because you're everything I'll ever need to know
Let me hold you close and tangle my hands in your hair
Because from where we are I don't see why we need to be anywhere
Let me show you the world in all of its glory
Because nothing is better than a good bedtime story
Let me be your warmth when you're cold"
*and I never thought those feelings would get old

I don't want to look at him
Not even say his name
Someday someone's going to break his heart
And I don't want to be the one to blame

One year, no months, twelve days
Just enough to matter
Someday someone will teach him how to kiss
And I don't want to have to hate her

There's so much future so much promise
Biologist and athlete
Compared to English teacher and literature
It's all just out of reach

There's so much no one knows
And so much that no one sees
Once twice thrice
Sometimes the scars still bleed

So just as this was the first one
It'll also be the last
The words locked away like a bird in a cage
And it's all in the past

I remember the red lips
Blue eyes
The old songs
Petty lies
Snow flakes
I will not cry
Red lyrics
Words can fly
Hello-goodbye
Again again again
Words lost in the
Voice of the wind
Everyone's broken
No one is ever the same
But I promise I'll never forget the boy with the blue eyes
And the one syllable name

I thought you said you'd be there for me
And that you always have pizza
And added a smile for effect
But I don't think you meant it
Because I can feel your regret
You put up walls that are painted blue
An icy shade, just like your eyes
And you don't know what to say
But what you do say might be lies
Maybe you're just awkward
(Well I know you are)
But when it comes to trying to fix me
You are especially
I know I can be mean and I can be harsh
But I'm just hurting, okay
But if you don't care or know what to say
I guess that's okay...
I thought I could count on you
And you say I can
But I guess not
And I'll just leave you alone

Sometimes chemistry ends up being a boiling mess
And sometimes you can't scrub off the essence
But I'm suggesting that you do just that
For good this time because we've got to stop turning back
You're graduating an moving forward with your life
Go find yourself-learn that it's okay to cry
Life is the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience
So go live it
I never know where we are I never know where you stand
But let me tell you I am where I am
So go on, get Clean and Let it Go
And when you do, I don't need to know
But if you ever need someone to be your biggest fan
As I said before, I am where I am.

It's only been ten minutes
And I already feel like running back to him
But I have to stay strong
And I have to stay brave
Because I've needed to breathe for too long
But it's time for a rest
My heart deserves at least that
Right?
I'm sorry.
I wish I could tell him I'm sorry
Because I dragged this on for too long
And I was starting to worry
That I'd never get out
It's true when you're drowning in tears,
That's when you can breathe

I can’t wait for the day when I don’t think of you,
when I feel acid rain pouring on my face like fiery fingers and tears,
or when curls bounce around my face like the phone cord in the first house I remember,
or drink cinnamon orange tea and write forty pages of gender theory.
I can’t wait for the day when I don't remember you won’t message back,
and I’m left on read like a newspaper reporter without a following,
or when brandy and coffee doesn’t smell like your breath or how I thought you’d taste.
Because fiery tears are acid rain on my cheeks
that won’t burn the scattered pieces of you away.

I think that I've reached a new low
Where two am means pizza in the shower with music I've sworn to hate (you're everything I want to hate)
Instead of breakfast for dinner
With someone I'd promised to date

It means being a hopeless romantic on Friday evenings
And burying my head in the sheets every other night
You know what they say
If you're out of sight, you're out of mind

But none of that compares to your ringtone at four in the morning
Sending octopus emojis and asking me to come get ******
But strangely enough
Everything about you feels like home

So I'll make the water hotter and turn up the sound
And cold pizza is better any other way
But it's better than dreaming of you
And wasting my life away

I wish you knew...
It drives me crazy that I can't explain the infinity that is you
I wish you knew...
I can write all the words and sing while I cry but I can't express it otherwise
I wish you knew...
I can remember every color your eyes turn when they light up but I can't describe it
I wish you knew...
I just don't know how to describe the fire in the sky from the sparks in your smile
I wish you knew...
They roll their eyes and think I'm going insane
I wish you knew...
I'd do simply everything except say your name
I wish you knew...
Silence is the key and I guess that's how it'll always be
Because I know you know
There will never be a you and me

A job is a job
Until it’s really not
But if you don’t care about it
Or the people
Then it’s nothing at all
And you can’t really lead them
Unless you can be them
And If you can’t be them
Then leave them
And if you can
You want to see them
Succeed and believe
And be everything that they can be
Because a job is a job
Until it’s nothing at all.

I don't want another person
I don't need anyone else
And I don't want your explanations
I don't need your help

You say there are more people in the world
But you know I'm kind of picky
Even if the only one I want
Doesn't really want anything from me

So through the shortness of breath
And the aching in my chest
I tell you I don't need you
But I don't say it's a test

You could have my whole world if you asked
I could give you 150 reasons
Why you're not just a person
And I don't want the rest.

I'm so sorry that I'm so clingy
I'm so sorry that I can't let go
But there is no way you could ever actually know
Just how I feel about this
Or you
Or anything
And every time you disappear I have to get used to being okay again
And then you come back
Expecting things to be totally fine like it was then
But every time you come back I realize how much I missed you
And how bad I am at letting go
This needs to stop
But you just don't know.

i tore your picture into shreds and on the back i wrote
that i wish you were dead
because you took it farther than it needed to be
when you realize no one likes you don't come running back to me
maybe you got what you deserved
because no broken heart should force those words to be heard
your tears fill a river and i'm nowhere to be found
so if you ever speak to me again
keep in mind who said i'll never been your friend
i'd call you a *******
but i like your mom more than you so i'll refrain from it

Je t'aime
Te amo*
Love is always the same
If you know what to look for

There's something about a distinct sharpness in your ribs
That is accompanied by scarce breaths
That makes your head ache
So that your nails dig into your flesh
There's something about silent smiles
And unreachable thoughts
That can only come every once and a while
Because no one has make me laugh that hard
In a very long time

I pile stuffed animals on my bed
Seeing stuffing instead of red
Clinging to them tight
They know how to hold me right
Back to childhood
Where everything was always good
No scars to bear-nothing to fear
And smiling ear to ear in a mirror
Reveling in the scent of those days
I snuggle close and everything else dies away
With what's left of learning our letters
Hoping as we get older that everything gets better

You smiled at me and I smiled back
And you return to my thoughts, every joke and every fact
"Who is he?" They asked with laughter in their voices
"He was a friend and he dropped off the face of the earth
Almost like he didn't have a choice"
They all sighed: "what a ****
That must have really hurt"
I held his hand as we walked along
You glanced my way and I didn't linger long
"Who is he?"His jealously an angry note
"Oh him- just someone I used to know"
So I pulled my coat tighter
And walked on, stepping lighter
A ring slid on my finger and I almost said yes
You caught the corner of my eye: I took a breath
"What is it?" He asked
"Nothing, just a ghost from the past"
You stopped to stare and I didn't see
I said yes and now it's about me
She tugged on my hand and I picked her up
You walked by, but I don't need your love
"Mama who's that?" She asked softly
I didn't stop walking and said "I don't know, honey."
I didn't look back to see your face
Everything we used to be is just empty space

love is watching glass shatter before you can pick it up
love is slicing open your heart to let someone in and then dripping blood
love is holding something so close even though it hurts
love is trying even though it won't work
but love is also the stitches that pull your heart back together
and the words written on your hands that say "it gets better"
love is the butterflies in your stomach and in your head
love is the smile they can't see when it's late and you're in bed
love is talking to someone until you drift off to sleep
and knowing in the end, they were worth the fighting and the weeping
some say love is blind but that's objective
someone once told me it's simply a change in perspective
as beautiful and painful and difficult as love is
it is almost always worth every minute

Everything stops.
Rain stops falling like
a two-year-old’s tantrum tears,
and rocks stop skipping when
inertia gives in to gravity.
Clocks stop ticking when the
gears start to rust,
and hearts stop beating, like
a melody too tired to play.
Just as “I love you” stops buzzing like
insects in my head,
and you stop caring whether or not
we see each other that day.
Eventually, our time here will stop, too.
And looking back,
maybe you’ll wish
that I never stopped and that
you never gave yourself
the chance to.

Him
Her
Us
We
Does anyone else know the feeling?
Four for the price of one
What a sale!
What a deal!
One dimple
Two dimples
Less dimples
More
Aren't I glad I never felt anything of the sort!
Few
Many
Violent
Still
Maybe have but never will
Revelations
And
Revelations
Shaken to the core
People are such strange creatures
Whether there are one
Or two
Or three
Or four.

Maybe you died
Maybe you went to space
Maybe you moved to Alaska
Or maybe you changed your face
You might have finally disappeared
You might be just be a ghost
Or maybe you were always a figment of my imagination
Or I was your earthly host
You must have dropped off of the earth
In a quick blind of an eye
But I can't remember the last day we actually talked
Maybe that makes it alright

I swear you know a little bit about everything from the end of the world to the past
From Ovid to T.S. Eliot and Rick Riordan
And I think I'm in love with that

I feel like it was probably, almost easier
When you didn't know anything about anything
And I didn't know any better

Because I don't know what I'm doing and the idea of love is a lie
I'm in foreign territory now
And I swear that I won't cry

Sometimes bad decisions are broken hearts in disguise
And demons are just shadows
That make their home in your eyes

You're the worst bad influence and maybe I'm okay with that
I'd drink with you and sleep with you
And maybe I'm ashamed of that

But I want to lay in bed and stare at the bumpy ceiling
Talking about humanity and the meaning of life
Tangling toes in cheap sheets and pretending that I'm not feeling

Tonight has been different
And tonight has been strange
This Christmas felt quiet
And we feel the same
It took me forever to figure out what to get you
And I guess that's why tonight I'm seeing blue
I had to dig up everything
All of the rusty
Old
Silenced
Memories
That I had tucked away
Didn't you take me out for your birthday?
I've never bought you anything in my entire life
(Ice cream, maybe? Once?)
I don't know what you're into anymore and I don't know what you like
Or where to draw the line
It can't be too much like it was
Because we won't have any of that [love]
Song lyrics, song lyrics, and song lyrics started to fill my head
The Mayday Parade, The Only Exception, and the Red
That's too much, too much, too much
What's left, what's left, (do you remember when we went for lunch?)
I think you like books still; maybe that doesn't change
I feel like those kinds of things stay the same
Oh god, now I'm rambling again
I'm such a wreck tonight I'm sorry for the mess
(Do you remember the time we made a milkshake
Back then everything was so fake)
And you probably won't even see whatever this is
You're never on as much as you were (you know what, ***** this)
I think it's time to shut it all out
Shut off the phone and sit in the shower
It's just easier to leave the rusty
Old
Silenced
Memories
Buried away where they belong
Maybe I wouldn't be writing this right now

you know your eyes are like needles
shooting stars up my veins
and my brain explodes faster
at the taste of your name
i can hear the color amber
when i look into your eyes
and i wonder if you hear melodies of brown
when you look into mine
i want to grind your bones into a powder
to have a piece of you once you're gone
i'd destroy you in such a beautiful way
you'll know why people share names with storms

the only thing worse than facing the music in the box
is facing the monsters that come out of the dark
because music pauses and music ends
but monsters creep out of their closets at night to haunt your dreams again
my monsters have a habit of creeping in
dressed as people I used to know and places I have been
but what to know and where to go
when what you're afraid of is everything you'll ever know

Nothing is never as it seems
Yet still
Nothing is everything
We can analyze it
Paraphrase it
Or even cauterize it
But nothing is seemingly
Better than something
Better to see nothing at all
Than to think
Think deeply
About what something is
What it means
Or how it lives

How would you feel knowing that you were my hero with a loser complex
But now you're nothing but a self gratified loser who ruined all of it
How would you feel knowing that sometimes I regret everything I ever said to you
Because nothing you ever said back to me was even true
If you can just move on without looking back
Then what what we had was nothing but nothing will compare to what we had
So get used to sleepless nights and poison lips
With petty lies and hands on hips
If you can't even repair things with your "best friend"
Then everything else is destine to end

Two years ago I believed I had time
I believed that somehow, you'd be mine
I told you we had time
(I told you to be patient)
I told you you'd be mine
(I told you to be fine)
A year ago I believed we would be okay
I believed that you would stay
I told you we were okay
(I told you to be balanced)
I told you to stay
(I told you to be kind)
I told you
I told you
I told you
Yesterday I realized that time was relative
I realized that I don't know what I did
I didn't tell you time was relative
(And now all your love is wasted)
I didn't tell you I don't know what I did
(Then who the hell am I?)
I didn't tell you
I couldn't tell you
I wouldn't tell you
So let me tell you, love never lasts the year
No matter how much you laugh or the pools of tears
So let me tell you, I don't know what happened here
But I thought that I could live without a fear

Sometimes I miss you more than I should
Listening to that song too many times to be good
But then reality hits like an ocean wave
Salty memories and no sweets- secrets I'll bring to the grave
So stars go by without a wish
And I sometimes think: payback's a *****
Snapping back too fast for words
Things I've said < things you've heard*

*The music is louder than my thoughts
Words discarded and hands retaught
Feel the beat and feel my hair
No lies here and no lies there
There's no such thing as happily ever after
But after that night I started to wonder
I raised my standard, you can see
I'm not fighting for you; I'm winning for me
Boom, clap life goes on
By the way, that's our song