You're totally right
And I think the fact that you know that means we've gone around too many times
While its true
We don't know where we'll be in a year or two
And if there will be rain or if there will be snow
Random fact: I'm bad at letting go
And apparently you are too
And I don't know how this will go of we don't see this through
So I guess I'm more afraid of missing out than getting hurt
I mean we've dealt with a lot, could it even get worse?
It's kind of been a mess since November 19th two years ago
Random fact: even then I couldn't let you go.

He's got an eye for storms so he walks right in
A Bible in one hand
And in the other a sin
Torn between who he wants to be
With everyone else pushing and prodding
He doesn't know who to believe
He's the guy at the party with the drink in his hand
Rambling about how guilty he is
But drinking as much as he can

A walking contradiction
A Bible in one hand
And in the other a sin
He can't feel the world around him
So he tears himself apart just searching
For anything that means something
A word or a song or a remedy
A book or a person or just maybe
An identity

Mascara stains on my bedroom door
Slumped on the back
Laying on the floor
Sometimes I don't even know what for
Broken with tears streaming down my face
So I'll grab my keys and drive to your place
Knock on the door, I wonder what you'll say
Maybe just tell me to go away
Oh dear god just hold me close
Hold be once before you go
Kiss me once so that I'll know
I never needed your affection
I never needed your roses

There's a knock, knock, knock on your bedroom door
We both know that it's her
So you jump up fast and I'm on the floor
I knew this was a mistake
Oh and I know what I did it for
So I jump, jump, jump out the window now
I don't know when and I don't know how
But then I woke up cause the music's too loud
There's still stains on my door
And I'm still laying on the floor
Only now I'm crying more than before
Because you were just a piece of dreamland lore
So I'll hush, hush now
And then go to sleep
Maybe, just maybe
You're dreaming of me

staring up at spot spackled ceilings
buried in fifteen dollar sheets
tucking toes under lumpy covers
and tasting cheap beer on your teeth

hiding under dim, midnight lighting
and tossing pillows on the floor
icy fingers entwined
swearing all's fair in love and war

making breakfast in baggy t shirts and socks
and eating cereal on a faded couch
maybe a little bit of day drinking
hoping word will never get out

blushing when you glance my way
and loving every minute
regretting every decision we ever made
but not changing any of it.

ink is running through my veins            
     your words sink into my skin            
       giving my heart an addictive dose
            words are all it ever took to win
               poetry-anything-even prose
                 every rhyme like *******
                     i swear i'll overdose

I can be who I want now:
With my girly music and "emo" bands.
And bright red lipstick,
Holding my own hand.
I should've done this from the start,
But I let you get in the way.
I'm not timid and I'm not scared anymore.
Babe, I'm a ***** and I'm not afraid.
So what if you don't get my sense of humor?
I do, and that's all that really matters.
I can do what I want and say what I think,
Even though you always did the latter.
I think it's good that we let this go.
We can find ourselves this way,
And find our own paths in life,
If you ever get that brave.
So I'm going to be friends with who I want to now.
I think we're through.
Call me back when you have a change of heart,
Or stop being you.

There’s ink on my hands
And fire in my soul
I’m just a tired insomniac
Looking for someone to call home

Your world comes crashing down around you
Suddenly your mother is in your arms
Your brother is crying on his knees
And you haven't felt this way in so long
People aren't supposed to disappear
No one should just die
But sometimes life isn't fair
Suddenly you're running away to anywhere  

You're sitting on a hospital bed
Flowers complete the room
You're drowning in your own regrets
But there's nothing you could have done or said
Your mother is planning a funeral
Cool and collected by now
But all you want to do is cry
All you can do is break down
They lived long lives filled with love
But it shouldn't be over yet
Picturing you in this state
Makes my heart hurt to forget

Hospital flowers should never beautify death
And death should never be beautiful
But why did it have to happen so fast?
Why did they have to be killed?
You choke it up and avoid the smiles
That all say how sorry they are
It doesn't matter how they feel
Because your grandparents are gone.

In so sick of feeling so broken
And I'm straining to stand on my own
But everytime I'm about to break down
I'm foolish and pick up the **** phone
And I know you'll just yell at me
For all the things I did wrong
Because I lied, lead you on, and broke everything we had
And I'll pretend you're right and play along
I don't need you as a support beam
I don't need you to put me back in line
And most of all I don't need your attention
It'll come true if I say it enough times
Maybe I'm just lonely
And everyone else is busy
It's not like I have feelings for you
But I just miss your company
I'm tired of pretending everything's okay
I know the answers to this test
Everyone listens to me at home
And of course I'm getting enough rest
Fake it until you make it
I suppose we're all just faking our way through
Hoping that everything we pretend to feel or not feel
Will eventually come true

I need you more than anyone, okay?
And you're the one that's never here
You don't know what it's like,do you?
Because I would always be there for you
If you want to have me you need to be here
Even when it hurts
How much can you expect me to do?
I'm only one person who's barely making my way through
I'm just
Watching, hoping, waiting
For you
Wishing, wanting, praying
That you will see this through
Please just...
Be here.
Don't leave.
Hold me close.
And love me.

The night in question was September
That's when I realized nothing had changed
Three years had gone by
But some things were still the same

The sun was setting slow
And the radio was blaring loud
Push it down, push it down
But when you looked at me I was always just a face in the crowd
So I'll always push it down

You asked me if I wanted to go
Begged and pleaded up until now
But it was just the quiet echoes
Of everybody else bailing out
It was never about me
Never about my company
Just about someone I could never be
I will always be a quiet memory

The day in question was May
This time I did the asking and the shouts
It was a yes then a no then a simple I'm out
And even now I'm not surprised
Still just another face in the crowd

It doesn't hurt anymore
If I push it down, push it down
And recognize my place in this world
Below everybody and anyone around

It's been four years
And it'll be four more
Some things will never change
So I don't try anymore
I will always just push it down
Push it down
Push it down

you can't change your words once they've been sung
like you can't ***** out the stars or bury the sun
what you said you can never take back
and when you said 'go away' i was almost okay with that
because the sky's not red; it's still blue
and no twisted words are better than the truth
the grass is still green and the sun still shines
i'm still broken and there's still sorrow in your eyes
nothing has changed and i don't think i mind
reality is a comforting blanket in the middle of the night
i still eat leftovers for breakfast and ride the bus to school
the only difference is now i don't need you

I'm just going to sit here and cry
And remember the good times
Like when you bought me flowers that one time
And then we nearly froze to death in each others arms
I know I'm the one that broke it off
But I'm still hurting enough
There was the time when you picked me up late
And we swam in the pool in the dark and it all seemed like fate
Like when we danced until our feet were sore
And I said I loved you, thinking I'd never meant it more
I remember when we just laid in bed and talked
And then you gave me my very first kiss and then a lot
I'm going to miss you so much
And I know you don't care
But it will be a while until I stop crying for you
And pulling out my hair
Never date your best friend, guys
In the end you'll just cry and cry

he's almost great
and i'm almost dead
why can't i just take a step
and repeat words i've never said
i'm not hung up on anyone else
no one but myself
and my fears
so insecure
if i can't love myself
how can i love him?
i want to-i do
i swear, i do love you
but i don't feel it
not in my soul
i could say it
without a second thought
but it would be a lie
and he doesn't want that
and neither do i

I'm hot
And then I'm cold
And sick to my stomach
And this is getting old
I'm sick of feeling lonely
But I want to be left alone
And that makes perfect sense
Because every article of clothing I possess is my own
And I want to know there's someone if I need them
Because everyone says they'll be there
And then you're looking around like a deer in the headlights
And realize that so few really care
But I guess I'll just lay in bed
And stare at the ceiling I wish I could write on
Listening to music that drowns out my feelings
Waiting for this aching to be gone
There's times I'll feel giddy
And then I'll be down
Knowing that I always give up everything
That keeps my feet on the ground
I'm floating away
On my own words with imaginary friends
Talking to myself
And barely making amends

So
I'm really tempted to just walk across the street
And pound on his door
Asking him "what's the deal?
Do you want more?"
Because I think we'd be okay
And the worst things come out of the best situations
And we've always been a crooked love
But I don't think he'd answer my questions
So
I will just sip my apple juice in the sun
Bumbling around on hello poetry
Because I'm bad at taking risks
And because the unknown scares me

Late at night
Lying in bed
You run through my head
Sometimes a quick flash
Other times you are here forever
But whatever the cause we are always together
No matter what's in the way
At the end of the day
There's one thing I can count on
Thoughts of you
And dreams of what's to come
For no one knows the future
But we all have our dreams
Our desires
Our wants
Our fantasies
We are not responsible for what we crave
But some secrets we bring to the grave
Burying them for all of time
Some thoughts have no rhythm or rhyme
Serve no purpose or job
But just help us get along
And make it through this thing called life
We can't do it alone
But many of us try
Crashing and burning
Like fireworks in the sky
-JR

You know there's something wrong when the only person who's there when you're hurting is the one you just broke up with

Making you wonder if you made the right choice because your favorite teacher is the only one who told you that you did

And you're just standing there like where are my friends and why is it so hard to breathe
But far too easy to crack apart and bleed

Maybe I need new friends
Like that baggy t-shirt of his
Or red lipstick
Or maybe even that pair of scissors in the back of the drawer

I know I should feel alone, that was almost a break up and I was the breaker
But not this alone
Something is wrong with this picture.

Puddles pooling on the ground
Rain falling like teardrops without a sound
It's warm one day then cold the next
I'm so sick of trying for the best
The sky is blue, then it's grey
Springtime comes then wastes away
We all want summer but I love spring
Never knowing what the next day will bring
Maybe love or maybe tears
Maybe digging up our deepest fears
Wind howling like angry shouts
Thunder clapping nice and loud
Nothing's easy but that's okay
I think it's supposed to be that way
But spring leaves like everything else
Just returning later to bring more hell
Flowers bloom beneath our feet
Drowning in the best and worst spring we've ever seen.

I imagine that you'd taste like spring
You'd taste like fresh water and grass clippings
And running my hands through your too long hair
Everything around us decorated in blues and greens
Take it all in with breath of fresh air

I imagine that your eyes are the color of candies
Golds and reds and browns
Your fingers feel like reinforced branches
Against the green twigs of my own

I imagine that being with you would be like rain
There would be fights and there would be cold nights
But April showers bring May flowers
And I know everything would be alright

I imagine what it would take for me to stop thinking of you in this moment
Harsh winters and a harsher spring
But when the breeze of regrowth blows on through
The streams cannot rush as fast as the feelings

So as I imagine my toes tickling the grass
I have to imagine that I'm insane
Because it's not that spring anymore
And it never will be again

Some days
They're just dreary
The sun outside-the clouds in your soul
But you see the world all too clearly
Through the shades
In your bedroom windows
Hiding away
From the pain
The lonely
The salty rain

His tumor
Seems to pound in your own skull
Causing a headache
-mostly fear-
And resisting the pull
To fall apart
Right along with him

His fades scars
Always a bleak reminder
He's not nearly as perfect
As he's seen-not so put together
He hides the long faded drawings on his arms
You hide too
From him-from everything

The food
The very kind she hasn't eaten
Knaws away at your stomach
Not enough words can be written
For her to know
How beautiful
How grown
She really is

So you hide
Because you're tempted to fall apart
But you stay strong
Because you want to save their hearts
You put down the scissors
Pick up the food
The pen
The phone
But still
*You hide

Take a step back from the past then maybe you'll see
What it would be like to be with someone like me
Something new
Something different
Something grand
Baby we'd write our own imaginary land
And it would be at the work of our own hands
A red haired maiden with an imaginary lover
With eyes and a heart for no other
Cause baby you're a writer just like me
And I think you know what I mean
Take a step back from the past then maybe you'll see
What it would be like to be with someone like me

they say rainbows only come after rain
but with my rainbow came your parade
my two years were wasted
and your love was a lie
everything fell apart at the dawn of your pride
because after everything we've been
we're strangers again.

Sunny days and warm nights
Pretty stars and dark brown eyes
With chlorine hair and water glistening
I'm in too deep to realize I'm drowning
Pretty flowers everywhere
Lining forests and brown hair
The sun beats down on a sapphire  sky
Summer's no time for goodbyes
Sand beneath toes makes everything better
And nothing ever seems to matter
Just me and you
And clear waters fade to blue
Fluffy cloud like promises
Hiding all our anger and our wrongs
But when leaves fall from trees like ghosts
Here comes death and here comes snow.

My room is dark and cold
And I'm beginning to think about summer and how I've gotten so old
I'll be sixteen in six days
And I miss summer and the warmth of the suns rays
I think my best summer was two years ago
For many a reason, you know
I remember sitting out on warm pavement, brushing bubbles out of our hair
Breathing in the nine o'clock summer air
Where it was okay to take a walk and look at the stars
Without things being complicated or over thought
There was a trip to a carnival where everything fell apart
But we all found love among the broken hearts
I remember throwing rubber ducks at my best friends
Everything was so much easier back then
There were farmers' markets and radishes (don't ask)
And something along the lines of questions that didn't need to be asked
"Want to dance?" and "Really?"
With responses like I don't know or maybe
There were only sandals and small pools way back when
And I never thought that would end
Until everything got complicated with everyone
And I was tired of being left alone
I think that was before all that love too
Remember how easy that was?