Shut the door
Don’t come back
Once you were
inside
Now Im covered
In cracks.
I was stalwart
True and fit
Years with you
Now I don’t
want to live,
I was smitten I
Fell for your games
There’s only me to
Really to blame.
So shut that door
And don’t come back
The lights have gone out
In this beaten up shack.
Property been sealed
Now  I must rebuild,

I knew you were there —
knuckles resting like they didn’t know what to do.
I heard your breath through the wood.

You almost knocked. I felt it —
the air pulling back,
the hush flexing its muscles.

I almost opened the door. I felt that too —
the lock daring me to turn it,
the weight of the air leaning hard against my chest.

But neither of us moved.

We just stood there —
two statues pretending not to be waiting —
except I heard you breathing.
And I know you heard me too.

poems write me
in my slumber
and then i forget them
later. sometimes they
are so good i feel like
this hell is something else

One step in—
the air bleeds thin,
heat curling at the walls,
lungs straining
beneath your brand—

One look—
the room sways,
the way fire bends
before it gives in to wind.

One smile—
a burning magnet,
searing my thoughts
laces undone with just a look—
knowing when to forget
how to hold back.

I meet you there—
skin against skin,
a shiver between shadows,
a heartbeat, staggered and wild.

Your mouth—
an invitation between gasps,
a tide swelling, slipping,
breath against breath,
falling further in.

Fingertips etch urges,
scrape constellations into skin,
the night between palms and sheets—
a hunger deeper than air.

You collapse,
the world now a quivering mess—
a slow-burning ruin,
softened into embers,
breathless—wanting more.

I'm finally free
outlived all my enemies
now I'm the big cheese

My old fat dog sleeping on the blue wood laced porch, his face Illuminated by the half lit moon and his ears dance away the mosquitos hungry for a midnight meal.
Alone, in the end of his tether, probably dreaming bout his youth. His paddling paws and twitchy nose, sow a grin on my withered face, he too reminds himself of earlier days.
Feed the cat, talk to him in a different tongue, ignorant of his clear lack of English. It doesn't really bother me, it's nice to say whatever I want for a change.
Still haven't sheeted the doona, or put away my washing. I'll leave that for a version of me feeling especially frustrated at the state of my messy room, usually accompanying BB singing the blues.
Exhaust's screaming down road begins my nightly routine, a lullaby of fossil fuels sing me to sleep, where I'm off menu for the high pitched invaders, spasms in my fingers and toes, clinging to the shredded wallpaper of the past.

ever feel
like a brat? so unfair,
like you'd trade it all? live bare
give up your bed, hit the streets.
to justify your hurt; make it feel complete?

you see,
we know we shouldn't feel this way.
food to eat, a place to stay.
is it selfish to want a break?
a moment of peace
for goodness sake?

or maybe i'm just a soul too deep
a secret i'm trying to keep.

“ I don’t know if I will emerge stronger, weaker, or as someone entirely new—but I do know that once again, I face this alone.”

Younger me would be so proud
And loud
And rejoicing
And voicing all her wins
Younger me would scream from roof tops
And climb the highest mountains
Younger me would be force
Take every road and every course
Because she would know that I have her and she has me and I am her and I won’t let her fall
Younger me would love so hard and be so far ahead and never be in bed
Younger me would love this life and be here without a fight
Younger me is happy now
Younger me is alive and well

Le soleil de nos jours pâlit dès son aurore,
Sur nos fronts languissants à peine il jette encore
Quelques rayons tremblants qui combattent la nuit ;
L'ombre croit, le jour meurt, tout s'efface et tout fuit !
Qu'un autre à cet aspect frissonne et s'attendrisse,
Qu'il recule en tremblant des bords du précipice,
Qu'il ne puisse de **** entendre sans frémir
Le triste chant des morts tout prêt à retentir,
Les soupirs étouffés d'une amante ou d'un frère
Suspendus sur les bords de son lit funéraire,
Ou l'airain gémissant, dont les sons éperdus
Annoncent aux mortels qu'un malheureux n'est plus !
Je te salue, ô mort ! Libérateur céleste,
Tu ne m'apparais point sous cet aspect funeste
Que t'a prêté longtemps l'épouvante ou l'erreur ;
Ton bras n'est point armé d'un glaive destructeur,
Ton front n'est point cruel, ton oeil n'est point perfide,
Au secours des douleurs un Dieu clément te guide ;
Tu n'anéantis pas, tu délivres! ta main,
Céleste messager, porte un flambeau divin ;
Quand mon oeil fatigué se ferme à la lumière,
Tu viens d'un jour plus pur inonder ma paupière ;
Et l'espoir près de toi, rêvant sur un tombeau,
Appuyé sur la foi, m'ouvre un monde plus beau !
Viens donc, viens détacher mes chaînes corporelles,
Viens, ouvre ma prison ; viens, prête-moi tes ailes,
Que tardes-tu? Parais ; que je m'élance enfin
Vers cet être inconnu, mon principe et ma fin !
Qui m'en a détaché ? qui suis-je, et que dois-je être ?
Je meurs et ne sais pas ce que c'est que de naître.
Toi, qu'en vain j'interroge, esprit, hôte inconnu,
Avant de m'animer, quel ciel habitais-tu ?
Quel pouvoir t'a jeté sur ce globe fragile ?
Quelle main t'enferma dans ta prison d'argile ?
Par quels noeuds étonnants, par quels secrets rapports
Le corps tient-il à toi comme tu tiens au corps ?
Quel jour séparera l'âme de la matière ?
Pour quel nouveau palais quitteras-tu la terre ?
As-tu tout oublié ? Par-delà le tombeau,
Vas-tu renaître encor dans un oubli nouveau ?
Vas-tu recommencer une semblable vie ?
Ou dans le sein de Dieu, ta source et ta patrie,
Affranchi pour jamais de tes liens mortels,
Vas-tu jouir enfin de tes droits éternels ?
Oui, tel est mon espoir, ô moitié de ma vie !
C'est par lui que déjà mon âme raffermie
A pu voir sans effroi sur tes traits enchanteurs
Se faner du printemps les brillantes couleurs.
C'est par lui que percé du trait qui me déchire,
Jeune encore, en mourant vous me verrez sourire,
Et que des pleurs de joie à nos derniers adieux,
A ton dernier regard, brilleront dans mes yeux.
" Vain espoir ! " s'écriera le troupeau d'Epicure,
Et celui dont la main disséquant la nature,
Dans un coin du cerveau nouvellement décrit,
Voit penser la matière et végéter l'esprit ;
Insensé ! diront-ils, que trop d'orgueil abuse,
Regarde autour de toi : tout commence et tout s'use,
Tout marche vers un terme, et tout naît pour mourir ;
Dans ces prés jaunissants tu vois la fleur languir ;
Tu vois dans ces forêts le cèdre au front superbe
Sous le poids de ses ans tomber, ramper sous l'herbe ;
Dans leurs lits desséchés tu vois les mers tarir ;
Les cieux même, les cieux commencent à pâlir ;
Cet astre dont le temps a caché la naissance,
Le soleil, comme nous, marche à sa décadence,
Et dans les cieux déserts les mortels éperdus
Le chercheront un jour et ne le verront plus !
Tu vois autour de toi dans la nature entière
Les siècles entasser poussière sur poussière,
Et le temps, d'un seul pas confondant ton orgueil,
De tout ce qu'il produit devenir le cercueil.
Et l'homme, et l'homme seul, ô sublime folie !
Au fond de son tombeau croit retrouver la vie,
Et dans le tourbillon au néant emporté.
Abattu par le temps, rêve l'éternité !
Qu'un autre vous réponde, ô sages de la terre !
Laissez-moi mon erreur : j'aime, il faut que j'espère ;
Notre faible raison se trouble et se confond.
Oui, la raison se tait : mais l'Instinct vous répond.
Pour moi, quand je verrais dans les célestes plaines,
Les astres, s'écartant de leurs routes certaines,
Dans les champs de l'éther l'un par l'autre heurtés,
Parcourir au hasard les cieux épouvantés ;
Quand j'entendrais gémir et se briser la terre ;
Quand je verrais son globe errant et solitaire
Flottant **** des soleils, pleurant l'homme détruit,
Se perdre dans les champs de l'éternelle nuit ;
Et quand, dernier témoin de ces scènes funèbres,
Entouré du chaos, de la mort, des ténèbres,
Seul je serais debout : seul, malgré mon effroi,
Etre infaillible et bon, j'espérerais en toi,
Et, certain du retour de l'éternelle aurore,
Sur les mondes détruits, je t'attendrais encore !
Souvent, tu t'en souviens, dans cet heureux séjour
Où naquit d'un regard notre immortel amour,
Tantôt sur les sommets de ces rochers antiques,
Tantôt aux bords déserts des lacs mélancoliques,
Sur l'aile du désir, **** du monde emportés,
Je plongeais avec toi dans ces obscurités.
Les ombres à longs plis descendant des montagnes,
Un moment à nos yeux dérobaient les campagnes
Mais bientôt s'avançant sans éclat et sans bruit
Le choeur mystérieux des astres de la nuit,
Nous rendant les objets voilés à notre vue,
De ses molles lueurs revêtait l'étendue ;
Telle, en nos temples saints par le jour éclairés,
Quand les rayons du soir pâlissent par degrés,
La lampe, répandant sa pieuse lumière,
D'un jour plus recueilli remplit le sanctuaire.
Dans ton ivresse alors tu ramenais mes yeux,
Et des cieux à la terre, et de la terre aux cieux ;
Dieu caché, disais-tu, la nature est ton temple !
L'esprit te voit partout quand notre oeil la contemple ;
De tes perfections, qu'il cherche à concevoir,
Ce monde est le reflet, l'image, le miroir ;
Le jour est ton regard, la beauté ton sourire
Partout le coeur t'adore et l'âme te respire ;
Eternel, infini, tout-puissant et tout bon,
Ces vastes attributs n'achèvent pas ton nom ;
Et l'esprit, accablé sous ta sublime essence,
Célèbre ta grandeur jusque dans son silence.
Et cependant, ô Dieu! par sa sublime loi,
Cet esprit abattu s'élance encore à toi,
Et sentant que l'amour est la fin de son être,
Impatient d'aimer, brûle de te connaître.
Tu disais : et nos coeurs unissaient leurs soupirs
Vers cet être inconnu qu'attestaient nos désirs ;
A genoux devant lui, l'aimant dans ses ouvrages,
Et l'aurore et le soir lui portaient nos hommages,
Et nos yeux enivrés contemplaient tour à tour
La terre notre exil, et le ciel son séjour.
Ah! si dans ces instants où l'âme fugitive
S'élance et veut briser le sein qui la captive,
Ce Dieu, du haut du ciel répondant à nos voeux,
D'un trait libérateur nous eût frappés tous deux !
Nos âmes, d'un seul bond remontant vers leur source,
Ensemble auraient franchi les mondes dans leur course
A travers l'infini, sur l'aile de l'amour,
Elles auraient monté comme un rayon du jour,
Et, jusqu'à Dieu lui-même arrivant éperdues,
Se seraient dans son sein pour jamais confondues !
Ces voeux nous trompaient-ils? Au néant destinés,
Est-ce pour le néant que les êtres sont nés ?
Partageant le destin du corps qui la recèle,
Dans la nuit du tombeau l'âme s'engloutit-elle ?
Tombe-t-elle en poussière ? ou, prête à s'envoler,
Comme un son qui n'est plus va-t-elle s'exhaler ?
Après un vain soupir, après l'adieu suprême
De tout ce qui t'aimait, n'est - il plus rien qui t'aime ?
Ah ! sur ce grand secret n'interroge que toi !
Vois mourir ce qui t'aime, Elvire, et réponds-moi !

We met
We talked
We pretended
We laughed
We considered
We agreed
We exchanged
We left
It was like a kiss from a rose

a slap on the wrist;
unguided hand rolls a fist –
knocks back the favour.

She talks regularly and with great enthusiasm,
of all the flowers she's ever gotten.
From boys and lovers and friends,
and even that one girl, from camp.
She remembers vividly, all petals and pollen.
She elaborates each scent, and colours each bloom.
But when I asked of her lovers names 
She said she had forgotten.

She stands at the Well.
But she is not alone.

A voice speaks—
"You have no husband, do you?
Not just one—not two—but many.
And still, you are thirsty."

She freezes.
Because the voice is true.
Because she is seen.

But she resists.

"It’s not just the men…"
Her hands tighten.
"There is another ‘her’ inside me.

She fights. She *****.
She wants destruction and hunger and chaos.
She doesn’t listen. She doesn’t stop.
She is the one who makes me want to throw myself from a cliff
just so I don’t have to deal with her anymore."

"She’s gonna do something crazy," she whispers.
"And I’ll be gone. Like I was never even here."

The voice does not flinch.
"Then let Me meet her."

Silence.

A storm brews behind her ribs.

The "her" within her stirs—
The dark one. The wounded one.
She crouches behind the rocks, clutching her shame.

The other "her"—the one who still believes—
She wades into the water, hands lifted, reaching for salvation.

One moves toward the Light.
One remains in the shadows.

"You see, Lord? She does not belong to me.
She belongs to the dark."

A pause.

"No," The Spirit says.
"She belongs to Me."

The rocks begin to shake.
The water ripples.

Behind the trees, the dark "her" presses her back against the bark,
watching the water, watching the other "her" wade in.
She wants to believe.
She wants to step forward.

But she remembers.

The love of man is dishonest.
The world swallows and devours.
Every time she has trusted, she has been burned.

"The water will steal me," she whispers.
"The light will dissolve me. I will disappear."

But the Spirit does not demand.
It does not chase.
It does not force.

It only knows.

"You are afraid that surrender will erase you," the Spirit says.
"But you have already been erased."

The words cut deep.
Because they are true.

"You live divided.
One ‘her’ in the shadows.
One ‘her’ in the light.
Neither whole.
Neither free."

The dark "her" clenches her fists.
"You don’t understand her," she spits.
"She needs me."

"No," the Spirit says.
"She needs  Me."

The trees begin to shake.
The wind rises.

"Come, little one.
I have been waiting for you."

She takes a step forward.
The trees do not stop her.
The rocks do not hold her.

The dark "her" and the one who waits—the one who believes—
They are not enemies.
They are not strangers.

They are two halves of the same soul.

And Love—
Love has come to bring them both home.

There's no point in doing anything anymore
the only reason I'm alive
is cause' I didn't have the courage to **** myself

I see the quiet strength that is you—
Your courage, your spirit, rough edges and all,
And how in your presence, I find myself content to stand unguarded.
No pretenses, no lofty speeches—only the bare pulse of our truth.

I used to carry a bundle of love in my hands
Now I have hatred seeping through my fingers
My filter is clogged and I can hardly contain
The rage within, I feel like puking it all up

But I'll get over it
When the time comes I will get back up
And prove that love is stronger than hate
Just as darkness never overcame the light

I will let go of what's not for me
I'll control what goes inside me
Then I will like the words that exit me
And with love inside I will be free

i have my little friend she means the world to me
without my little friend i will never be
angel is her name she is always there
and i love so i take her everywhere

she is my best friend loyal and so true
if she wasnt there dont know what i would do
shes my everything gives my heart a glow
all the world to me and i love her so

best friend in the world there will always be
my angel and my rock she belongs to me
i wouldnt be with out her shes my everything
a friendship for a lifetime she will always bring

It's fascinating
That I keep coming back here.
When my heart breaks
And the darkness seeps in,
When there seems to be
No one to talk to
I come here
And I talk to myself.
I let strangers read the words
That no one can hear.
Even when they spill out of my mouth.
I come back to connect
With my true nature
And to those,
I dont even know their names.
So...I think I'll always be here.
So I can always be free.

Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                       Thinking of You at Dawn

You are a poem, a song, a hymn at dawn
You are not like a poem, a song, a hymn
You are

You are great joy, romance, a sacred dance
You are not like great joy, romance, a dance
You are

You are the reality dreams want to be
And so you are not an ephemeral dream
You are

You are

You are

I finally feel
like I'm me again
I haven't felt this good
Since I don't know when
My heart is not heavy
my mind is not spinning
My soul is uplifted
my life rebeginning
My future looks brighter
The path is made clear
My family is closer
My friends are more dear
I’ve learned many lessons
That got me to this place
But the greatest of all
Is to give myself grace

Uma sensação de leveza,
de extensão breve e duradoura.

Um arrepio percorre a nuca,
permeia o corpo,
e transborda em um arrepio.

Por uma melodia ou poesia
que ataca e rebate,
tocando a alma,
comovente
emoção elevadora.

Sensação infinita na infinidade.

Oh, se ao menos sempre tivesse sido,
para permanecer aqui, sempre.

Deleite e bem-aventurança, alegria e prazer,
emoção no olhar lacrimoso do coração,
alegria no sorriso da mente.

Se ao menos pudesse permanecer, sempre...
Prazer.

Smiling in my silent screaming pain,
It's like pushing the wall of hope in vain,
Then my heart aches to the bone,
Freezing me in the room to be alone.

when you were born,
a shy summer snow,
they said:
“bear the burden of this world on your shoulders.”

to you,
a sauna in the snow,
they said:
“give us water. quench our thirst.”
and so you brought forth steam,
and gathered humid dews,
and sweat salt,
and wrung water into their maws.
and so they sweltered, and still—
they were thirsty.

you say:
“i bring no water. i quench no thirst. and thus i fail.”
i say:
“give me heat. give me humidity. give me heart.”
“give me whatever you want to give.”
and you do,
and from this heat i sweat,
and from this warmth i cry,
and aren’t my tears water?

to you,
a shy summer snow,
they said:
“give us water. quench our thirst.”
and so you melted,
and dissolved into the current,
lost into salted misery.

you were born not to bear burdens
but to love and be loved
to live, to laugh, to sweat, to cry,
and aren’t your tears water?
my snowstorm, my sauna
the salt i sweat for you
cry for you
is the sweetest nectar.

It's too late
Though I'm supposed to love you
I permeate with hate
the weight of what you've done to me
turns feelings into fate