Right when you feel like you've got things figured out
Life twists and turns and
Leaves you in a rut

I thought I finally found someone that keeps me sane
I thought he was good for me, he doesn't take me on a roller coaster and doesn't let me go to sleep mad
I wanted this so bad and I finally thought I found it

But now I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out
Listening to sad love songs, wondering why I always **** everything up

I have an exam tomorrow but all I can think about is him
and it's ******* me up
I can't think straight

****
I can't even see straight

People can switch up on you real quick, blind-sighting you
Leaving you ****** up
So
Love yourself and always put yourself first

Because it's true that people are temporary
But so are your feelings
This will pass, but protect yourself baby
Know your worth
Know yourself

after 10 months, I saw you today
I swear when I heard your name, my heart fell into my stomach
and then when I saw you, my stomach was in knots, like how you feel when you're falling in love
you are so beautiful and charming
when I saw you the second time today, you were smiling at me
and I swear to god my knees were weak
I felt like I was falling in love with you all over again

and then reality came crashing down in a split second
I got really sad all of a sudden because I knew
I knew I knew you aren't mine and you'll never be
you are wearing the shirt that your girlfriend got you
you are happy now

we ended off badly but in that moment, everything was perfect
maybe I got too excited over nothing
and that smile didn't mean anything
but the choice of choosing to smile and ignoring me, you chose to smile at me
and even if it meant nothing, thank you
I've missed you and I always will
apart of me will always be waiting for you

all those months of trying to get over you..
I thought I was completely over you
but then
you just came out of nowhere
and suddenly I feel like I'm at square one
again

No matter how many times you go through it, it doesn't get easier.
It hurts the same each and every time

Yesterday you left me
But ironically I felt nothing

I never wanted to betray you, I wanted to support you in everything that you did
But at that moment, I felt as if you made a mistake I couldn't account for

For the first time in a long time
I felt like it was your loss, rather than mine

I drove myself crazy for you
I was crazy about you

How could you not see that?

how many times can I write about the same thing?
how many ******* times can I keep writing about you?

i love you
no you ******* don't
yes i do what the ****
why the **** do you fight me all the time then
because i love you you ******* *******. why the **** did i marry you? you stay at home and do nothing, living off my wealth. this is my house. this is my car. don't ******* touch it. you brainwashed our kids to make me seem like the bad guy
shut the **** up, you did that to yourself. i ******* go to work and do all the **** in the house. all the ******* talk is about your ******* money. i dont want your ******* money. keep your money. i just want to be happy.
where the ******* going to go? to your other man?
******* i don't do that **** like you do, you cheater.
shut the **** up and act like a woman before i hit you.
what the ******* going to do? hit me. hit me. hit me.

I'm sorry baby please, it was the drinks in me talking
leave me alone
***** get the **** up, you don't do **** for me

I hate you for what you did to me
But every time my phone vibrates
I still wish it's a text from you

I should have never let you ******* hold me
When you held me the way you did, I didn't know I wanted it to be held so badly

I should have never let you kiss me
because now that you're not here anymore
I always crave you
whether its 4 in the morning when I can't sleep
or 3pm when I'm with my friends

I should have never listened to you
when you told me about how you are so thankful for me
and that I'm a blessing in your life
because  ever since you left me
I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong
why wasn't I not enough for you?

when I'm at the peak of my happiest moment, I still think about you
******* I still think about you
and wish you were still apart of my life
every single day

I wake up in the morning
Eating my favourite cereal and watching my favourite TV show
You're still in the back of my mind

I get in the shower
The warm water on my cold body feels so good
I close my eyes and let the water drizzle on my face
You're still in the back of my mind

Need to write my essay
Need to write my essay
Need to write my essay
I am stressing over school work
And thinking about a captivating way to start my essay
But you're still in the back of my mind

I'm with friends at a party
Finally a break from school and stress
Having a great time
Eating food, taking a couple of shots of *****
Laughing my little *** off
You're still in the back of my mind

Where ever I am
Whatever I do
No matter how busy I am
I'm always ******* thinking about you
And truthfully
I hate it
I don't want to think about you
Thoughts of you make me so sad
I miss you
But you're no good for me
And we cannot be

i hate you for what you done to me
i don't want to be fully in it with anybody anymore
it's not that i don't trust them
but i'm so tired
i'm so tired of everything
the dishonesty, the false promises, the disappearance

my head spins when i think about you
my heart hurts when i think about how i'll never be with you again
i lose my breath when i miss you
and i can't                                                 breathe
right                      now

but you don't deserve my patience
you don't deserve my care
you don't deserve my loyalty
you don't deserve me

When I first saw you
I thought you were so ****
I just wanted to kiss you
And have you kiss my neck
**** me
Make me scream and moan your name
That's it
But then I got to know you
And then I knew I was really ******
Because
I got greedy
I wanted you to love me

But only the lucky ones fall asleep before midnight
All the others are up at 3am
Cold
Empty
Sad
Missing someone who doesn't think twice about them

I don't know how to stop waiting around for you.

Hello
I haven't been on here in a while
I guess it's because I've been feeling better than before
I feel myself growing stronger and becoming more independent every day
And it's truly a great feeling
I am happy with where I am right now
I am hoping it will only get better from here

There are some things that words cannot express
Sometimes, nor can silence
You feel like nobody will get you because they're not you
And you couldn't be more correct
At the end of the day,
Even if someone has been through what you're going through,
It doesn't help
Because you are the one that's feeling it
And it ***** so much
Because you literally cannot do anything but feel it
Of course you can do things to get your mind off of it
But that's all temporary
In the long run, you'll realize that there will always be this feeling of emptiness
As sad as it is, it's true
This type of emptiness is different because it cannot be filled by love, money, or fame
It can be distracted with those things
But it will not go away completely
I think at the end of the day, even the happiest people know this type of emptiness
And there's nothing you can really do about it because it comes with being human
So to be alive, is to feel
Feel everything as it comes
And let everything go when it is time to go

I always had a picture in my head of what I wanted
Who I'm going to fall in love with
How they act
How they think
How they look
What I had in my head is not like you
Not like you at all
I still liked you though
I actually liked you a lot
Now that I think about it, I liked you more than I planned to
More than I wanted to
You were not what I was looking for
But you hit me like a tidal wave
I don't love you but still
You fill the empty gap in my heart
That you created
And then you leave again
You seemed like you weren't interested in me
It seemed like someone was occupying that space
So I left
And I don't regret it
But I miss your touch

I think in the end, nothing matters
Nothing else matters except who loves you and is there for you
You can have arguments and disagreements through out your whole life
But that doesn't take away from the fact that at the end of the day, that person wouldn't just drop everything and come to you if you were in danger

When you hear something happened to your loved one, time stops
Nothing else in the world matters to you except the well being of that person
And it's crazy right
How humans are so selfish yet selfless
Humans were designed to survive in any means possible, to eat, to sleep, to grow

But that goes out the window when someone you love is hurt
You don't eat, you don't sleep
You're like a zombie
You would do everything to be with that person

being with someone who isn't affectionate is emotional suicide

When i'm sad
I find something funny to laugh at it
When I laugh, I'm genuinely happy
I'm not faking it
I laugh for 6 seconds, sometimes even 16
But on that 6th second
I feel my feet on the ground
And all those despairing feelings come rushing back to me
Once again

If I had a choice
I'd still pick you
And I'd pick you again
And again
But you're no good for me
And I can't do that to myself anymore

I just want someone to rub my back and tell me it's going to be okay.

It wasn't love
But it was enough to make my hairs to stand up on my back
It was enough to change my sleep patterns
It was enough to make me eat more, eat less, and sometimes not even eat at all

It wasn't love
But it was enough to cry myself to sleep
It was enough for me to beg and beg for you to come back

People may say that I'm being desperate but I lov- ...no wait
I don't love you
I am very vulnerable
It wasn't love
My mother loves me and I never feel this way

It was a type of lust that was unrequited
It wasn't love
But it was something that ironically made me feel alive and dead simultaneously

We rushed into it a little too quick
We felt things we weren't supposed so
or at least I did

But it all happened so quick
I don't even know what to make of it
What were we?

One of us felt a little more than the other
and it was cursed from then on

It's ironic how you kicked me when I was already down
Yet when I’m back up on my two feet,
All I want to do is run back to you
You see,
It's silly how I have hope in you finally accepting who I am
But I don’t know how to tell my heart that it's never going to happen
My mind knows better
But my physical body just can’t accept it

Everyone wants what they can’t have
And for me,
It's you
It's you
It's you
It will always be ******* you

he gave me $5000
and said
Don't worry about whether I talk to you enough or not
I care about you
It's all in my heart

But I felt nothing

you are the one that I love
and I'm saying goodbye