It twas a chunk.
A bootleg papertowel, ziplock baggie, hairband combo
Allowed me to continue
Cutting and subsequently cooking
Perseverance? Check.
Being a bad *****? Check.
Maintaining a sense of humor while I'm gushing blood? Check.
Jamming 90s alternative rock with my nineteen year old brother? Check.

No ******* this time though..
He wouldn't allow such.

I lived in a refrigerator
from 1969 till now
It was cool to say the least
(It was cool to say the least)

Man, I've sat
hands folded, chillin'
in a ziplock bag like a lump of mud.
Everyone else was picked out
peeled and fried and ******
everyone else
died, in the mouths of their
lovers, or perhaps it was rapists,
the bedroom, the kitchen --
I see no difference from where I am a-sittin'.

Oh, the refrigerator,
oh, my
real-life satire-of-society
you make me want to be eaten
but you make being eaten so
much like death in the eye.
and I
don't know.

Why.

I like to believe
I am more than a sack of goo to be tossed down the throat
I pretend to breathe
like the refrigerator
I fist-banged on that hard as wood center
between my ******* like a man-gorilla
I was told that's where my heart lives
all cozy-sweet in my chest, oozing out love fresh
like vanilla, but losin' flavor
every second, every day
(every second of every day)

Why does it feel so far away?
Why does everything I want to know
feel far away?
Everything I want is in a *** boiling.
Everything I want is in a ***
boiling two houses away.
Everything I want is inside someone else's mouth.
Won't you wait for me. Give my
pouch a squeeze. I'm spoiling. I'm
only
runnin' on borrowed air, the electricity
of the refrigerator
is the only thing that holds me, and it is always
chilly.

Yes, I want pity. And what's worse, I want it
however you'll have me.
But first.
I wanna stick my finger through
right into my heart blood
And break off a piece to
chew before anyone else does

It would be cool to say the least
(It would be cool to say the least)

I lived in a refrigerator anyhow because
when I was 13 I looked in the mirror
and straight-dead knew
my place in the refrigerator
cheeks wrapped in plastic sheets
body-fat wired in lingerie like ham to-go
served hot on Thanksgiving Day tablecloth lace
(Watch half the male population get out their knives
and pour gravy
all over my baked face)

I understand there's some new age
concern that I'll just
waste in the
refrigerator
but man, I am a product and I am made
to be consumed
and the refrigerator
has been the only one there
to keep me.

And if it's a ****-box, I owe it my life then
in the name of my country, the economy,
and world peace, here I am.
Late 30's, about to expire in the refrigerator
Everything I want is fuzzy and far, always
two houses away
Everything I want reaches its hand to the thing sitting next to me.
Everything I shared hopes with has succumbed to mold
I figured I would help society by making room
and be the one to slay the beast
(Drop your conviction and join the feast.)

save breath for later
lungs in a tupperware
container
ziplock baggies full
of sounds
the ones, the words
I'm too tired to make

hang my eyelids
on the clothesline
to dry, leave the weight
behind

pull all my teeth
plant them in the ground
grow some new ones
place them in my mouth
and let them fall out
that's not how to smile

Two Children fell in love
After they colored the squares
And shaped the circles
And fit their hands around the lunchbox
Firm and slipped out the plastic
Ziplock bags
An fought over what was inside

Liam Neeson movies,
Lop-sided smiles,
Dandelion fields,
Fake marriage proposals,
Grass-stained knees,
Ketchup lips.
TRIGGER WARNING
“I put my first boyfriend away,”
I say at parties
Because I am a dangerous girl.
I am better at Russian Roulette
Than I am at beer pong.
I have stared down the barrel of a loaded gun,
This blonde girl stared back at me.
She doesn’t look anything like me.
If I didn’t look anything like me
Maybe he wouldn’t be able to find me.
My mother makes me dye my hair back;
She tells me judges don’t trust bleached blondes.
She asks,
“How is it abusive if he never hit you?”
TRIGGER WARNING
Plastic tiaras and performance chefs.
“No one will love you like I do.”
TRIGGER WARNING
I sleep with a baseball bat under the bed,
Carry hot pink pepper spray in my purse like lipstick.
My friend Dolton tells me he can get me a gun.
TRIGGER WARNING
No one will love you.
TRIGGER WARNING
I do not know my own triggers;
They are the way a stranger walks down the street
Or the way that my lover's lips
Form around a word.
“I put my first boyfriend away,”
I say at parties
Because everything is a trigger;
There is no safety on my mouth.
I say it because I’m waiting for it
To stop feeling like a lie.
TRIGGER WARNING
I signed the papers.
TRIGGER WARNING
I called the hotlines.
TRIGGER WARNING
He sat in a jail cell.
TRIGGER WARNING
I sat in a stairwell,
Shaking with the recoil
Of everything that we had done to each other.
I walk to work even though I feel
Too small to be a babysitter today;
I need someone to look after me today,
To cut my apple slices for me,
To hold my hand crossing intersections;
Keep me away from knives
TRIGGER WARNING
And cars
TRIGGER WARNING
And men on the street
TRIGGER WARNING
Who look like knives and cars.
I don’t believe in lying to children
But when she asked me what was wrong
I still tell her the storybook version.
I tell her that once
A bad man broke into my house.
I wish I had also told her
That the bad men look like respectable young men,
TRIGGER WARNING
That the bad men will compliment your grandmother
On her cooking from across the table,
TRIGGER WARNING
That the bad men write love poems,
TRIGGER WARNING
That the bad men smile so wide
They will swallow you
And you will then convince yourself you asked him to.
"Stalkers can’t be convicted unless their victims prove they feared for their lives."
How do you prove fear?
How do you put months of hell breaths into words?
And will you please come with me?
And he will **** me!
TRIGGER WARNING
He will **** me!
TRIGGER WARNING
He will **** me!
TRIGGER WARNING
But I told you so on my gravestone,
Because you can’t ever say
"She didn’t scream loud enough
"Into a ziplock bag
"For the ladies and gentlemen
"Of the jury."
TRIGGER WARNING
Loaded questions,
TRIGGER WARNING
Filling every chamber of my heart
With ammunition,
TRIGGER WARNING
Always a weapon,
TRIGGER WARNING
Always an ultimatum,
TRIGGER WARNING
He shoots me,
Underage,
Underweight.
TRIGGER WARNING
Contorted in his favourite positions,
TRIGGER WARNING
Tells me he knows how to upload the pictures,
TRIGGER WARNING
Without leaving any fingerprints.
TRIGGER WARNING
Aim: loving someone,
TRIGGER WARNING
Handing them a map of your weak spots.
TRIGGER WARNING
Fire!
TRIGGER WARNING
Fire!
TRIGGER WARNING
Fire!
No warning shots.
My friend Dolton tells me he can get me a gun.
I tell him I have seen a gun go off,
Yet I cannot shake the habit
Of believing, I can stare down the barrel
And gently wrap my fingers
Around the trigger
Without pulling.

Two Children fell in love
After they colored the squares
And shaped the circles
And fit their hands around the lunchbox
Firm and slipped out the plastic
Ziplock bags
And fought over what was inside

Today, I want to sink my chest into yours.
Your heart pumping blood through my veins for a bit, mine doesn't want to anymore.
Let's trade.
I'll put my brain on ice.
Wash this skull cavity with some minty fresh chemical while my wrinkled pink mother board discovers cryogenics.
When I place it back Into my tingly, almost numb now, chemical washed head
I will still feel heavy.
I want to turn to a whisp.
Like the Night Elves in World of Warcraft.
A floating blue orb of energy
Just a spirit, weightless.
Let me live as electricity, like that spark you felt .
Like that spark they all felt.
Place me in the power lines so I can power houselights and televisions.
Let me be usefull for something again.
Don't convert my head though.
Keep that on Ice.
Better still, creamate
everything but my heart.
Let the ashes get caught
in carpets and drain pipes
Kept in little ziplock baggies,
Tucked in a wooden box,
Kept back seat of my mothers car,
So she can hold it once in awhile.
Until she parks her car in a bad part of town
And a homeless man breaks in
Doesn't steal the gps, or her wallet on the front seat,
But snorts me three hours later
Thinking he just hit the jack ***.
That's where I want to be.

In the lungs of some car burglar
Where his addiction should have been,
coughing on my ashes.

He won't get my heart though.
Keep that frozen in a white room.
Smelling of copper, by a tray of tools,
Latex gloves and paper masks.

One day, thaw it out
bring life to someone.

We all wear clothes,
and lick our lips
against the cold.

As a child things close
with a ziplock zip, and grass
made you a woodland nymph.

A sentiment arises on the first
day of school—and you say: never
let me go or let me go at once—

With a stubborn tug
in the passionate bones
long gone by lunch

poetry isn't just for white people, Vivian
isn't a girl's name, and I will
wear these white jeans past Labor Day.
we forget that we could
touch the stars if we *******
tried, but instead we are
here, drowning in atmosphere,
choking on our inhibitions.
there are ten pills tucked
in the very back of your desk;
you love them but
they're about to become a
crutch, and you are frightened.
I don't **** with that
new ****,
but it's not like you care.
I'm still the same *******
idiot, total trash, I
deleted your number
and I won't send you
snapchats,
I wonder if you
deleted my dickpics.
lost intimacy, windowsill
cacti, a Ziplock full of ******* stuffed
inside your pillowcase;
I went for a run, your
name traipsing about my
prefrontal cortex, smashing
memories, beheading roosters,
screaming incoherently about
subprime mortgages and
credit derivatives.
the government is lying about
9/11 but no one really cares;
the government is arming oppressive regimes in
Missouri but white people don't care;
would that I had such
willful ignorance, the right to
ignore the slaughter on our
front lawns.
my parents started from the
bottom, they survived in
America, decapitated birds on the doorstep.
I do not have their strength and I am
washing Xanax down with Gatorade and
refusing to apologize.

The people to the left of me want to get married, but not to each other. Mawwiage is a funny word. Gopher? Potato. Crawdad. Wobble. Jiggly bits. Harmonica. Put your arm on it, cousin. Guzzle. Doozy. An ornery snool. Troglodyte. Haysoos was a troglodyte, that's one of the most hilarious sentences I can think of. Dudebro and ******* are nice. Dankrupt. Barbie. The urban dictionary gave an example sentence using Barbie: if Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends? Perhaps if I memorize that line and say it, I'll get a half second of laughing, showing I have the value to entertain others for about two seconds. That'd be a nice feeling. I'd feel peach-fuzzy. A woman is standing with a rainbow of candy in a ziplock bag. I can't make this stuff up. Life is so incredibly fascinating. Just kidding. But really, that's some bright stuff on display in her transparent bag.

When I was a kid, and all of my friends were kids, and all of us kids lived down the same street that I still live on as a not kid that none of my kid friends still live on as not kids, there was a day in the summer, or the spring....
my not kid brain has a hard time conjuring up my kid thoughts, I just remember walking outside and it was so hot
And we fetched our bikes from the shed and walked them to the blacktop only to find the greatest gift nature could bring us: a thousand tiny caterpillars crawling on the road. We couldn't ride our bikes in the street or we would squish them so we dropped them where we stood and did the only thing we knew we should: ran inside and asked mama for the ziplock bags and collected as many as we could. We thought we were saving them from any cars that might need to go down our dead end road. We didn't know what to do with them so we kept them in the bag and left them in my kid friends parents living room, sealed tight so nothing could get to them.
The next morning we went to check on them and the bag was empty.

Looking back now, I realize we probably deprived them of oxygen, starved them of nutrients and space, and probably separated them from their families.

I feel bad about that, but that's not the point. The reason I am recalling this memory and putting it into words is because I've had an epiphany.
They were robbed a chrysalis, they never flew away as beautiful butterflies.
They slept overnight in a bag with many others, waiting to puddle and flutter before they chewed their way through plastic or they died.

What we did as kids to those caterpillars, it's how I love..
Sometimes I find caterpillars in the pits of people's stomachs and my intrigue is spiked like a child's with wonder, but I always pluck the caterpillars before they get too far..

Maybe I'm a secret sleepwalker and I unconciously let them go.
I sure hope so.

Dear underclassmen,
You will learn so much.
You’ll learn that when seniors tell you the main stairs are only for upperclassman they’re lying, that freshman Friday isn’t a thing, and elevator passes aren’t actually real.
You’ll learn WWII started in 1939 and it was the bloodiest of them all.
You’ll learn that sometimes, things don’t have to be ****** to be painful.
Sometimes sterile wounds heal the slowest.
High school will teach you to love with a vigor you didn't see coming and to hate with a passion you never saw possible, and you’ll find that after feeling them both so deeply, it sometimes becomes impossible to tell the difference between the two.
You’ll learn about drugs- that they don’t always come in little ziplock bags or orange pill bottle.
You’ll learn that often times, they don’t come in powder or pills at all- they come in words on a page or in blue eyes staring at you through wayfarer glasses that are so clouded you find yourself wondering how they can even see the world around them.
You’ll find your drug- everyone does. You’ll know you’re addicted because to you, it's what keeps the earth spinning on its axis; it's what puts the stars in the sky; it's what you see when you hear the word love.
You'll get addicted to something, and you’ll lose it, and you’ll move on.
You’ll learn that things can change in the blink of an eye, which is just as fast as we are to post our emotions in 180 characters or less, just as fast as we are to scrutinize others for who they love, what they wear,
and what they’re addicted to.
Things change as fast as the speed of sound: 186,282 miles per second.
I learned that in chemistry.
I also learned that Fleen Dog wasn't kidding when he said if you lean in too close to a Bunsen burner your hair will catch on fire.
I've learned that if you don’t stay in the inexhaustible realm of school dress code, you’re a delinquent, but if you wear hoodies everyday, you’re a scrub. If you don't, you're a try-hard.
I've learn that for some reason the word try-hard is an insult.
I've learned that stares can be so heavy you can physically feel the weight of their eyes pushing down on your back as they watch your every move, but more importantly I've learned that those stares only matter if you actually let them.
You’ll learn that often times- there is no correct answer and sometimes you just have to choose what you believe is the most right option because it’s better to guess than to do nothing at all.
You'll learn that even in science, not everything is black and white,
that sometimes the best way to learn is by diving in head first, and if you feel your skull crash into the bottom of the pool, know that you will resurface.

you are waiting
waiting
waiting
suited up in your spirit of self-loathing,
eating a full helping of anxiety every day for lunch
mucking your ears with the wax of negative self-voice
making it hard to hear the whisper in stillness
as for me, I will live
live
live
even on those days when you can’t come along
I won’t wait for spring and every dream I’ve ever had
to happen before my heart can be light
before I can sing and exude sunshine
and if my warmth can open your tightly
closed bud, I will shine until we bring forth color
this exact moment will never happen again
our closets could be filled with maps
books and autographed vinyls
but if you put a picture in a ziplock bag
remember
the life in that bag already ran out of air
whether waiting for tomorrow or wishing for to-day
the only heart that’s beating strong is right now

Ziplock tie,
a piece of skin caught in a jean
fabric stained, sticky sweat
under a cool breeze. A little wind in
between; hanging cause
Shaving necessary for release from
pores

Bumps and scrapes
awkward looking, and ingrown hairs
blades of grass—pasture flesh land
Sprints of watered perfume, and
the only time man has a tender hand
Cleanliness; cleanse of appearance
to look and feel good in the end

             ...do play ball in taking care of your *****

Today, we have surgery
I sink my chest into yours.
Your blood pumping through my veins for a bit,
I feel heavy.

I want to turn to a whisp.
Like the Night Elves in World of Warcraft.
A floating blue orb of energy
weightless electricity,
Spirit in the power lines, like that spark we felt.
Tealight in a gas stove, left on for 6 months

When I am cremated
My ashes will be Kept in little ziplock baggies,
Filed away in the back seat of my mothers car,
Until she parks in a bad part of town
You break in
Leave the quarters for the tolls
Leave the GPS cupped to the windshield.
Then snort me, in my mothers backseat.
Thinking you just hit the jack ***.
That's where I will be.
Charcoal cave painting your nasal cavity
coating the inside of your lungs like a cigarette.
Replacing your addiction.

This surgery
The Aorta of copper perfume,
Scalpels summoning blood,
I, scavenged from the wreckage

my heart inside you,
the rest scrapped in a kiln.

If they botch the surgery
cold Iron will be the last thing you smell.

I, a spark
grounding from your chest.

Heart still beating.

I’ve sat in throngs of people,
between seas and seas,
knowing there’s a small chance
salt gets called by its name
CaCl2 instead.

I’m constantly aware
I am one compound;
full, contradictory,
Knowing people will find
In the ocean of things
More salt as oceans evaporate,
Lifting to clouds,
Till only enough is left for us to swim in.

A little girl,
collects the beautiful things,
the Seashells people always want
—conversation,
joy,
money—
In ziplock bags,
with water and the
handful who can handle it,

And we,
Undesirable
stay in the sea,
Brushing from horizon
to horizon,
until we’re swept up,
Or drown someone.

you are a child
opening presents at 6:34 PST on a
Sunny Christmas morn in PASADENA, CA
while her parents look on in
feigned interest
razor scooter abandoned amid
crushed scrunched wrapping paper as you
tear apart a box of Legos
for the plasticky viscera contained therein.

you are a teen,
finding marijuana at 15:34 CST under a
bed in BOULDER, CO
while your parents shout at your brother
feigning sympathy
simply to ****** it back
and you are wrenching open ziplock
to swallow a chunk of his stash
and you find yourself
enamored with the aroma.

you are a woman,
fighting for equality at 10:26 EST wielding
picket sign (paint and sharpie on cardboard) and megaphone in
MANHATTAN, NY
while your parents
turn over in their graves,
uncertain what you are
fighting for.

June took root in the same way you learned to scream
but now it's fall and you're trying
to sing.

It slipped away from muddy lids like lifting a veil,
like stepping into a bath,
(toes, sole, calf. toes, sole, calf.)
and crawled unseen behind apartment-light echoes;
crooning sultry half-truths,
weighing down vascular walls.

My heartstrings aren't laundry lines but the conversations
we never finished (last night, last week, last year)
hang from them; pinned to sheets, unbothered.

It's pulling on my sleeves;  heavy and damp.
The wind isn't howling but
I don't want to hear about the dream you had
where I was a Priest,
where I was hitchhiking,
where I cut off my hair in a taxi's front seat,
and gave it to you in ziplock bags.

A hazy sky; slow and sweet,
coats my traipsing moods like honey
and sticks to the bottom of your favorite mug
(yes, that one, with the chipped rim and your rival
high school's logo.)

We're still here, springing forward and listening.
It's growing, humming cold verses in a new language
while we watch his name take shape in the mist accidentally.
You don't mention how fiercely I'm blushing and I'm grateful I don't have to laugh it off. Some days laughing feels worse than puking.

We are still here.
We are still.
We are.

I'm looking for something important and I won't know it until I see it.
It's morning, it's warmer and we lift our chins to coastline.
I blow smoke upwind;
today physics is purely speculation.
Today I feel like secrets are extinct and I'm certain the day is so much clearer through my Atlantic eyes than their protesting embrace.

You can keep June, I'll take the sky.

Today I went to a bookstore
A grief observed by C. S. Lewis.
Into a ziplock bag went this book, and
A quote from C Raymand Beran
--what is a friend?
I will tell you.
I drove the forty minutes along the dull highway
Lamposts like hovering, ghostly figures,
And slipped this package under the windshield wiper of your car.
Why is it that my own words can't express
What I'm feeling, so well as others do?
A-
For the tenth
-a friend
Those were my only words.
Your mother died eight months
Ago tomorrow, and here I
Sit. Selfishly hoping you'll speak
To me again.

I'm not defined by names or tags,
Or what I carry in ziplock bags,
I am what I try to be,
Not what this world labels me.

A.
Alphabetic Avalanche! An Avidly Artwork Appraising Adonai Alphabetically. And Also Awaken All Asleep Amidst Advancing Avenging Armies.And Acting As Agent Against Agony And Aches

B.
Beware, Because Boosting Breaks Bond By Bringing Barriers Between Brothers.But Brilliantly, Bible Basically Balance Brawls, Battles Between Bloods. Be Born-again.

C.
Curse, Carnal-living, Chaos, Commotion, Catastrophe, Carnage, Causality, Certainly Cleared.Courageously Christ Carried Cross to Calvary Creating Captivating Convivial

D.
Daily Deepen D Deliberate Demarcated Distance Dug for Devil D Deceiver.Devourers, Darkness & Demons.Diligently Despise Denominational Drape

E.
El-Shaddi Effortlessly Evaporates Every Enigma & Enemies.Ending & Exodus Evil Exacerbating Entities.Everthing is Everything in Elohim.

F.
Faithless Fellowship Fabricate Flippant, Feeble Followers.Faithful Fellowship
Factually Flourish Fantastically

G.
God's Grace Grants Great Galvanizing Gift & Glory.Giving Generally Generates
Greatness.God is Gracious.

H.
How Has Hatred Helped Humans? Habitual Happiness Hedges Hatred, Healing Hazardous Hiatus Harming Human race

I.
Impeccable Insight Into Immaculate, Immortal & Invisible God. Instigate Intriguing Illumination Inside our Inner being

J.
Jesus Christ the Just Judge, Jam Jungle Justice.Jailed Jeopardy, Jabbed Jezebel's Jinx & Juju Jolting Jealous Jesters

k.
Koinonia Keeper, Keenly Keep Kneeling before the King of Kings.Keep Knocking on Kingdom's door

L.
Listen, Learn, Light-up, Look Lively. Let Love Liquidate Loathsomenes. Least Little, Lowlife, Lazy Loathers Labouring Lengthily Limits your Level

M.
Morning-Star, Most-High, Messiah, My Majesty, Mentor, Master, Maker, Mountain Mover, Merciful-One ,Milk & Maintain My Ministry

N.
Nobody Needs Negative Nonconformists Nearby. Nevertheless, Neglect Notorious, Nonsensical, Narrow-minded Notions from Nihilist Nicely

O.
One Overcome Obstacles, Only by Obeying Our Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Overall ruler Outcomes Of Obedience Outshines Offerings, Oaths & Other Opponents.

P.
Proper Preparation & Plans, Plus Patience & Persistence Protrude Powerful, Progressive Prayer Performance.Prayer Penalise Problems

Q.
Quickly & Quietly, Quench Queasy Qualms, Quarrels & Quacking Quibblers.

R.
Religionists Removing Restitution Rarely Recognise Real Repentance. Returning Reports Remains Relevant Revelation Regarding Repentance

S.
Since Saviour's-blood Saves & Sanctify Souls, Sinners Seeking Salvation Sacrificially & Sordidly, Should Stop Searching. Selah

T.
Thanksgiving Through Tough Times, Turns Trials, Terror, Temptation & Tribulations To Testimony

U.
Understanding Urges Us Unto Universal Unity. Unfortunately its Unattainable.

V.
Vengeance Vented Via Venomous Violence Vaguely Visualises Victory. Value Virture

W.
With Worthy Word We Warn Women, Walk Wisely When Working With Watchful Workers

X.
Xeric

Y.
You're Young; Yield Yourself to Yahweh

Z.
Ziplock Zeitgeist Zapping Zombies (Zealously Zonked). Zoom into the Zenith Zone.Zero letters remaining

When I was younger, I had heard on the news that a man had been stabbed, and subsequently, bled to death. I had never head that expression before: "bled to death"... so what did it mean? I knew that guns and knives = death, the end, but how could you bleed to death?

This is when my mother provided me with an analogy that I have continued to use and develop to this day.

Instead of explaining what it meant, my mother knowing me well, gave me a visual representation (don't worry - no one was harmed in this process!).

My mother took me to the kitchen and took out a ziplock back and a knife. She turned on the tap and placed the bag under a steady flow of water, letting it fill halfway. She explained that the tap represented the human heart (essentially constantly creating new "blood"/water). She then proceeded to "stab" a hole in the bag, allowing some of the water to begin pouring out slowly. The leak was not large and the water coming in from the tap was able to sustain the small hole she had created. She explained that when we bleed from minor injuries, our body is able to keep up with the loss of blood because it's always creating new blood; the body is able to function as long as it has enough. She then began to process of poking more holes in the bag and I watched, wide-eyed, as the tap became unable to keep the bag full. It was from this that I understood; it was from this that I was able to create my own analogy years later...

Now for me, this analogy became most applicable in a recent relationship, but I believe it applies to any sort personal qualms.

We can't become the plastic bag. It is true (and common) that we patch the holes created... and for a while, they will hold. But eventually another hole will be created and a new patch required (see where I'm going with this?). There becomes a point where we're so patched that the water begins to soak through the patches and spill out.

And regardless of how many times we put the smiley-faced patch on the leaky bag, it's still going to have a hole and it's eventually going to start leaking again (a.k.a. just because you pretend everything is OK, doesn't mean that it is because you're not actually resolving anything). This process of patching will eventually burst in your face... you'll be patching and patching and patching, but there will still be that water coming in and holes created.

This may be gruesome (and I've received many the odd look from this specific advice) but you need to be able to rip off those patches, pull out the "bullet" and stitch yourself back up. Let it heal.

Yes, you are going to have a scar, and trust me, it won't be nearly as pretty as that little patch that you would have worn over the hole, but eventually it will fade and all you'll have is a faint pink mark where that hole used to be.

It's not easy and it's not pretty, but hey, wouldn't you rather survive?

My friends keep counting the red flags and leaving them on my desk inside little transparent ziplock bags.

Blessed be your name
All my prayers are answered by you
Every song I hear makes me want you more
All this slepless nights
All that light wasted
If I could traded my anger for peace
If I can sort out all my troubles
I love you this much
I have no other words to discribe you
Your lights shine in me
Despite all my troubles
Every day I will put my faith in you
I will let my love grow for you
Lord I believe that you can take my anger away
And my word will change
I am waiting for this to happen
Can you give me a chance?
There is no other place I would rather be
watching the world spinning around in circles
If I lay here would you fly with me over the sky in a space shuttle
Lets not waste time
If this doesn't happen
This means that this wasn't the right thing for us to do or the right place for us to be
Blessed be your name
I just want you closser to me
I am looking in the mirror
That mirror image
That I see
I don't like
I will give Lord a chance
I will give Lord a change
One more time
If I take my time
I will have the chance to start over
And have a chance to make it perfect again
One thing that I need to learn to have is patience
Because patience is a virtue
I am not gone from this place
To tell you the truth Lord this is the place I love
Lord I am addicted to your love and kind words
Blessed be your name
Where is my heart?
Is it in the right place?
Because my mind is not clear
It is full of worries
I am thankful for your blessings
Because many times
I just feel like walk away
And let every thing fall a part
But you give me courage, hope, and understanding
That I can't just walk away and let things fall a part
Why it is so hard for others to see me the way you see me Lord?
Lord blessed be your name
Why is it so hard for me to make right the first time?
Yesterday the clock moved fast during the day
But at night it slowed down like an old man
When you tell me that you loved me
It brings me a little comfort and joy to my life
Against all my odds
I played all the cards
Not much luck in card games, and in life
Every now and then I dream about something
Blessed be your name
I am amazed by you Lord
By your touch
By the love you have shown me
Blessed be your name
I walk down this road
were there is the train truck
When that train goes through
I can hear the sound of the engines
And the sound of the brakes
Blessed be your name
Can I gain peace
Is that too folish of me to ask you that?
Obviously I am waiting for that
What more can I hope for Lord?
I have no blue eyes
No blond hair that I love so much
I guess I created that hate for myself
Do I have love for you Lord?
I have plenty
Is there any thing I can give you in return?
My sorrows, my guilt, and my pain
It still have that bag full of old coins loclked in a ziplock bag
It is all my savings
Some day I will sell than when I will be broke
This will come nice and handy
Bring me alive to all my favorite colors
Because the hardest thing is not having you near me Lord
I know Lord that I will get through this
I just need some time
I must have a different out look in life
Blessed be your name
I sometimes thing about things
And sometimes thoughts come to me
And it makes me wonder
Where that thought came from
I could see a new beginning coming to me
I know that I will florish some day
And I will be feeling like I am on top of the word again
What is life with out the sun, the Lord, and the moon shining above the lake shore
Lord for now on I will live for you
Blessed be your name
I have to be strong and face my pain, my sorrow, my guilt, and my pain
I have to show respect for others and myself
I have my mind set on you
How many more years of struggle do I have?
How many more years of suffering must I go through?
Don't you think I had so much already
Some times when I just think about it it makes me want to scream loud as I can
Yes Lord I need your help every day and I am not ashamed to ask for it
because I am asking for it right now
And I know you are going to give me
I will be aware of darkness
And walk on the right side of the street at night when there is dark
Because the right side of the street there is always bright
Lord I am not living in the material world
I want to share my wishes with you Lord
Blessed be your name

Please hold on to my dreams for me
Put them in a ziplock bag, carry them wherever you go
But don't give them to me
I lose them so easily when they are alive
I only find them once they've died
I'm sorry for my recklessness, but know that I've tried

I want to hold my dreams the closest to my heart
Inside my passions and within my hope
Swirling feelings of bliss hide with them
I want to keep them safe from my doubts and insecurity
But I can't be trusted with such fragile things

In my hands they tangle and fray
Falling victim to procrastination and vanity
Tattered and bruised they lose their shimmer
Like pyrite and nickel they lose their shine
What happened to the glitter and blinding glow?

As my belief and trust in myself fades
All I see in my dreams
Is someone drowning at sea

need somewhere
for shampoo
on the go?
put stuff in ziplock
cut with hot knife
pods!

unwanted texts?
SMS: SERVICE ERROR 305: MESSAGE DELIVERY FAILED. FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED TO ACCOUNT.

bad day?
google snakes in hats

Mushrooms to powder
ziplock bag full
Pour me another handful
lick it from my palms
Rob quit thinking
turn your brain off
Get lost in the night’s sky
from Mother Nature’s
MOON DUST

now the coming of essence--

tassels of gold dangling

from branches.

wed wide.

the heart rate of purple

coming to a dead stop...to

present the continuum of visage.

a momento, a leaf--in a ziplock bag.

welling with permanent season.

trod earth--a settling altar comprised

of truthful faces.

staring back.

canticles of revolution fit for

four ears.

profuse with secret...unhanded.

a dervish begun.

to feel unloved so he can tell me how much i am loved.
pancakes stacked to my nose, dripping with maple syrup and sprinkled with junk.
a retirement party before i have even graduated.
a wall of blue china plates, the ones with the pictures of snowy
                                                                ­  barns, cows, and bridges.
a whiff of him--plastic ziplock bags, overripe banana, and cologne.
a short-lived sin, intentions so pure it doesn't count.
yellowing pages and broken spines floor-to-ceiling.
a love for my mother, one without fear, fire, or fury.
a sun so generous, that i forget what november ever felt like.