"if your personality was a beverage,
what beverage would it be?"

She said: "I think I'd be Coffee"

"No,
You can't be coffee."

You're too sweet
Cheap, With two shots of vanilla

COFFEE is bold, smokey,
Burns your throat.

I had coffee once,
Brandy

Woke up to her every morning,
For years I got drunk off of her
When I didn't drink enough water
She made me sick.
but I never drank water
Went down the hall
to a sippy cup full of milk.

Even she,
was not just milk.
She was strawberry milk.
My little Coffee milk.

You are not Coffee.
You are water.

But soak up all my grounds
***** yourself on the dead burnt cherries
I've left for you.

Maybe
you can be some quick
instant version.

So let's pretend that my personality wasn't crap
That maybe I wasn't so attracted to poems and rap
Pretend I wasn't forced to vent my feelings to a paper and pen
That maybe I could speak to others without caving in
I'm like a house of cards, and you see the grin on my face
You let out your last breath and watch it all fade
Into the darkness, my soul floats away
And I'm so sick of these creatures and that I even have to say
"These words are my own on all these letters I've made"
So let's pretend that I could help who I am
Let's pretend I even knew who I was
But it all really disgusts me because
These people aren't who they claim to be
I don't say who what I am, because I don't even know me
I don't know what they hell I'm made of
They say it's water and blood, but which one do I trust?
With water I survive, but I'll need it like an addiction
But with blood, I'll survive, but I'll create another victim
And I'm so sick of this constant circle of doubt
I don't want to be another lost soul, how do I get out?

No, because when you chose to drift away, I’ll still be standing at the port where our ship set sail.

I’m personally quite tired of watching others affections rise and fall like the tide until they all but recede, or do entirely in some cases.

No because I’d rather keep them contained like a glass of water I can easily maintain, something only my neglect or thirst can cause to evaporate or drain.

I Myself, I’m more like the moon, I have two sides.

But you’ll only ever see the one.

And as much as I yearn to draw you in close, my magnetic personality will only pull you so close to me before its time to move on to the next phase or cycle.

And then I have to take time to collect myself once again.

Roaming a blind yet constant orbit always stopping and reflecting on those same waves.

I’d like to just once feel their kiss, but alas once is never enough.

What then would the next dream be?

No, because I love too many to tell you that you are special, after all there are many fish in the ocean.

But when that ocean is the real catch, how can you ask me to pick just one molecule of water out of such an immense expanse of beauty you can find nowhere else.

I don’t remember when I became friends with the rabbit.  
It must have been when I was too young to know that
Rabbits aren’t supposed to talk or
Keep time with pocket watches.

I quite liked how the clocks spun backwards and the doorways shrunk.
I often laughed at the way colors swirled or
The funny way mirrors distorted images.
But only the rabbit and his friends understood.

Kids at school would laugh when I told them about my tea parties with no tea.
Apparently, the clocks didn’t spin backwards for them.
Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't.
And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would.

I learned to hide the fact that the sky was green and the grass was blue.
Picking my personality from my pocket, I became a walking mirror.
Yes, yes, the sky is blue and the grass is green and the clocks spin forwards and the mirrors are not silly and the colors do not swirl and the voices do not wondrously whisper in your ear.

The rabbit would try to console me. (For he was the only one who was not mad.)
I cried and cried and the more I cried the more the sky turned green.
For the first time I begged and pleaded that it would turn to blue. (But it never did.)
I quite liked the world until the rest of the world decided it didn’t like me.

Please do not lock me up again in that awfully small white room, I really did not like it in there.
Please do not burn me at the stake for showing you a glimpse of my world.
Please do not cast me out in sin for being me.
Please let me live in my world, and I will let you live in yours.

Your good qualities speaks for themself.
You're a woman of worth.
One I love so very much.

Your personality lighting up a room.
Who wouldn't wants to be in the company of you?
You're a woman of worth.

You're the type a man should cherish.
The type that he would give his all for.
Go more than the distance required.
Cause you're a worth of worth

What you will receive will be honesty and trust?
Cause it's something you more deserve and asked for.
As a woman of worth.

You're priceless.
Simply not for sell.

"I want you to meet the guy I'm dating
He's trans- don't tell mom and dad"
Well, *******.
you plan to introduce him to a man who won't call him a him
Or respect his wishes
who will behave rudely unnecessarily
and a woman who will instinctively think there is something wrong
with his personality
that he can't 'just be satisfied with what he was born with'
and will think there's something wrong, abnormal, weird, gross
I hope he's a good guy
and I hope my parents grow a couple more tolerant bones
Before they meet him
because I'm scared for you and him
and I hope it'll be alright.

I forget sometimes, why
I'd stopped caring what you do
Now we talk again (we lie)
And I seriously ******* hate you

You make me a blubbering mess
Of vulnerability and anxiety
And under any amount of duress
I'll admit my hatred and push you from me

You grate on my nerves with your easy smile
So confident whilst I am without esteem
The very sight of you chokes me on my own bile
I wish to rend your flesh from your bones as you scream

I hate you
Abhor you
Despise you
Loathe you

And no matter how attractive
You used to be to me
Your personality is just ugly enough
For me to hate you with glee

For once I just want someone to tell me that it’s not true.
Why can’t you comfort me instead of tell me that I’m at fault too.
When I apologize don’t tell me, “Now you know how I feel.”
Forgive me. Love me. Tell me it’s a lie.

I feel like the world will be a better place without me.
And you just proved it.

I am so sorry that I am a terrible daughter.
I didn’t realize I was so bad.
I want to be better.
I don’t want to burden you anymore.

I just don’t know how.
I don’t know how to break my personality.
I don’t know what to do to be better.
I want to be better.

You are everything to me.
You don’t deserve to suffer a fool like me.
You are my hero and my angel.
I’m sorry if my existence hurts you.

mostly nothing works out
giving in to change
Personality
Direction
Doubt

dimensionless and self providing
we end up becoming more greedy
simple in our dying.

I hope for sake of
Love
Lust
Pleasantries
conclusions can be met

but we both know hardly anything works out.

I spoke and my words along with me started to fade away
Nothing more or less than a gentle sea breeze
Never to be seen but always to be heard
We can feel each other but you'll never find me
Your heart could pretend to love me
I know you're cold
I smell nice and your skin so soft
Getting off track but that's what eternity does to you
My mind hasn't gone it's just occupied by the changes in the ocean
Of your emotion and impossible to read chicken scratch personality
I've lost it all but go with the flow so you know even though
I'm not around all the time I still feel the want to touch
Your life don't forget me I love you very much
Inhale the courage to exhale my name
and one day I might breeze passed you again

My legs are smooth.
My arms are smooth.
My lips are smooth.
My personality is smooth.
Smooth and sly
Like James Bond as a cat.
I can steal too
Like the man who stole the moon.
With my specialties
I could easily take you over.
I could sneak up behind you,
Like a sly, sly dog,
Trick you with the smoothness of me,
And steal everything you own,
Including your heart.
I guess you could say
I'm just that sneaky.

Clean heart and clean eyes are real bless
Clear communication is the key to success
It is not good to play with innocents chess
Face is the index of mind of personality dress

Blessed is the one who helps all and sundry
Keeps all in solace and remains himself free
He is the one who keeps all under shady tree
He is not jealous and does not carry jealousy

Love comes and takes him on a love ride
He is rewarded for his real generous stride
He always in reality remain real love guide
Even if he dies,is remembered far and wide

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2016 Golden Glow

The work I do expresses me,
I am a lover at heart as far as you can see,
my friends and family mean the most to me,
my personality shines through every word you read

my inspiration comes from the world around me,
I got my pen and paper,
and the words just come to me,
I write to show my point of view

not because I expect people to care,
but because it helps me be free
the meaning in my work,
is in the soul

but before it was trapped in my heart,
where darkness was in control

i feel both self destructive and self saving
i want to hide myself in my room,
keep my personality buzzing between my two dimples.
only for myself, only for myself.

i want to take up the men who've asked me
for drinks, or for my time, up on their offers
i want to go and be politely disinterested
i want to cleave myself from my bones
and act like someone who does not live
inside this body, someone you won't recognize

but mostly, more than anything at all,
i want to give everything i have to you.
this is the pain i feel the very most:
i still want to give all of this to you.

and so, i give it to no one.

*october.28.2014 8:41 A.M.

What would you eat?
Maybe these plastic grapes
To feed your equally plastic personality.
Or would you choose the unfamiliar mushrooms
In the hope of ending this lie?
Either way, it's time to face the music,
Drape your tail over your arm,
Uncover your devil horns.
You're no angel,
And pretending will only make matters worse.
So sharpen your pitchfork,
Heed my words.
Life has to be a burning hell before you realize
You enjoy the warmth.

Let me ratify this information to you.
I feel it's just knowledge you need to know.
As I list ten reasons to love you so.

Your heart.
If others had just half of what you have.
I feel this would be a better world.
This is reason number one.

Your soul.
I hadn't met anyone close to caring the way you do.
It must be the quality deep within you.
This is reason number two.

Your brain.
Your intelligence level is high recommendable.
You have guide me through mistakes I failed to see.
This is reason number three.
Of my ten reasons

When you focus we accomplish so much more.
Much more then I ever thought was possible.

Your sweet personality.
Rubs off on those surrounding you.
It's hard to be cruel within your company.
This is my reason number four.

Your faith.
Your beliefs are beyond questioning.
That being faithful is a godly blessing.
This is reason number five.
That when we walk by faith.
Our hopes comes alive.

Your strength.
It stands out in your support.
You don't lose hope.
When things gets rough.
This is reason number six.
Of my ten reasons.

Your Angelic presence.
Your head might be missing a halo.
It doesn't stop your anointing from showing..
This is reason number seven.

Your smile.
People question you about it.
Except you're so proud of it.
This is reason number eight.
Make no mistake.
I simply adore it.

Your kindness.
No one I've met.
Have shown your kind of forgiveness.
This is reason number nine.

And reason number ten.
Is simply because you love me.
Why should I work to keep you happy?

Let this sink it
And if you need me too.
I'll repeat it again.
All my ten reasons.

Apparently I'v been going through something of a phase,
eye's have become clouded by a sweet smelling haze.
Certainly not the child parents want to raise,
seeing their son indoors all day with an endless gaze.

So in a swift move at the end of the year,
Shipped off to a cottage with no one near.
Except of course the squirrels and deer,
maybe even an apparition created out of fear.

Believing that in my isolation I would find,
a personality more resigned.
Perhaps it was supposed to sooth my mind,
and prevent the regression of a life lived on rewind.

You are the epitome
Of a cult of personality
To pull the ink out of
A calligraphy pen
And make it shape
Into your face,
Now that would be,
An honour.

i am strong in my faith,
i am strong in my personality.
i am strong in my body,
i am weak in my views,
persuade me easily.  
i am weak in my head,
use me easily.
i am alive in my spirit,
i am alive in the summer.
i am alive and breath air,
i am dead to the world,
no one knows me inside and out.
i am dead in the winter,
the cold shuts me in, leaves the cold out.
i am this and i could be that.
i am sleepy at night, and awake in the mornings.
i love the music when i'm happy,
i hear the words when i'm sad.
i want to live,
but i live with ghosts.
i want to grow,
but i grew my height in 6th grade.
i am a worshiper,
i am a curser.
i do what i want,
and usually dont think first.
but, you still don't know
who i am.

personality
changes with perception and
i see you so pure

I want to see you without your flesh
Your stained bones crumbling from no protection
Your blood polluting its new atmosphere
No signs of perfection

Allow me to you without your flesh
Your flaws being the best canvas
Your soul glowing from the core
With your rotten personality sealed around it

I graze now
boarding schools
of the highest
and utmost
quality

I want to run away
I want to start a new life
I want to create a new me,
in a new place,
in a new
world

I have reached the highest
point I can ever reach here

where can I go beyond this?

I’ve exhausted the resources
of my friends;
I’ve climbed the rungs of
power in theatre, poetry,
leadership;
I’ve created a society of
lies to protect myself and
hide myself from the truth
of the world, even as the
truth of my personality
slowly eats away at my
innards until I am hollow
and whistle in the wind

I do not take this act lightly,
I do not take abandoning my
friends,
my many years of work,
my reputation, good and bad.
I do not want to take what
I am away, but,
for my own sake,
I must

I deserve a new start,
a fresh start,
where I can be
whoever I want to be

I was gypped out of this opportunity
by birth, by my stable and even life
lived in only three houses, by my
poor luck to be so lucky, as to have
as good a life as I have been blessed

I do not complain about that
I complain about the jealousy
it boils in me for those people
whose parents are infirm and
irresponsible;
who are dragged from place
to place, never setting down
deep roots, by their owners;
who are given the opportunity
to be constantly dynamic whilst
my only option is to flounder
amongst a static tank

I am pained
by all this

by all this hate,
I have for the things
I love

by all these contradictions,
of the shoulds and
should-nots

by me,
showing, for once,
my human side
I cannot make sense
of the why’s and
the how’s
that my brain has
concluded thus
that I should move,
forget my past,
and start
anew

Every moment of the past 33 years I have hidden
Behind this veil of vanity
Covering every doubt and self destructive thought with a  lie of arrogance
Seems that the scars of the past still exist
Deep down under the woman you see
Lies the scared, unsure, timid little girl
That was bullied and torn down
Not  just by her peers but also by those she gave her love and trust to
Never truly able to be herself, so scared of judgement
Terrified of rejection
No one could every really love her, because reality was that she never exposed her true personality
As a young child she put on shows
Pranced around in all the jewlery and pretty clothing she could find
Begging for the attention, she couldn't give herself
Over achieving at every task
Desperately  trying to mold herself to what others wanted her to be
Bragging of her beauty and exposing her body
All in a failed attempt to draw attention away from the mortified child inside
So photogenic, so prissy and proper
So damaged, so broken
Would she eventually believe the ruse she had performed for so long?
Or would she become more and more disguised by the veil hanging heavy over her face
Her breathe becoming quick and labored
Her skin beginning to sweat from the heat of the sun
Everything spinning, becoming dizzy
Until this reality becomes the only option
Until this veil becomes her face for eternity

"You don't just walk away when it gets tough babe! You work it out together when it comes to relationships and lov...tha...peerrrsonnn..." (her voice)

Yeah,
But I guess I was just dreaming
You see I wrote this first part weeks before the news
Because it was you - I still believed in
Regardless of the paid respects
You can't buy someone's love for any less
Can't clean up the previous mess
I was the problem when I had you at ya best!
(Dayum)
I hate the way you would avoid a text
The truth was between the lines
But the lies were all that were left
Thought I was drowning in your eyes but really it was just time for me to reflect
Ended things calmly but feel like I was just  in a vortex
Can't be afraid of goodbyes when hellos seem to be the hardest

Truth is I wish I deserved it
Asking all the time to see her only to get curved in
Silent treatment to someone who only tried to treat ya
Knowing her life was getting tough and I was trying to keep ya.

Tell me who was trying to push away who?
Maybe March 17th was the last time I really met you.
And I don't believe that the last time we spoke that was really you
Sometimes **** just gets hard and you gotta get thru.

(And I know you'll make it)

Can't give into love's strain and conviction
I hate that I love you...without the realization of my false contradictions.
Given up on me - yet, add another to the list
My mind boggles these days but not in the thought of you - but when things with us took a sudden switch
Crazy to think you give someone everything you got to just be forgotten
The way you handled those last few weeks were foul girl - spoiled rotten.

Why comeback only to leave?
To showcase who you "truly" are but only for yourself to see?
To reach out to someone who just can't be reached
This seems to be a pattern of one's personality
I don't need clarity.
The pen is loaded - the target is set
Why can't I pull the trigger!?
You quit on us and deserve the shots!
Why am I trying to be bigger!?
...
Cause I've learned a lot
Took some deep breaths
saw what was hurting me temporarily instead of making me feel blessed
This isn't shade
This is honesty and telling the truth of ones false reality
A lot of stars in the sky but figured you and I were the brightest in the galaxy

This letter to you is for you to see what you can do to someone when you make decisions based off emotions
Stop pulling the next person with you just because you can't swim in your own painful ocean
Let go of that anger
You're too pretty to frown
Let go of her legacy too - you won't make the same mistakes when you finally fall in love and pick out a gown.

Disappointment - for sure but you live and you learn
Need to stop holding on to the firey moments
Maybe that's why it's so hard to let these memories burn.
Lessons were taught and two people found growth within each other
Let's not pretend like we are rooting for us to simply find another.
Our bond was special
But the timing was off
We'll never know what could've been
And sadly that's our loss
I only want the best for you
And that's on my heart
I'd be lying if I said I saw the day wed truly fall apart

But

At times I wonder - when it all unfolded that day,
did I say all that I needed?
why didn't I beg you to stay?
Cause you loved the old me and I'm a different person these days.
Still hard to look at the woman you loved
And tell yourself it's time to walk away.

You wipe ya face quickly - put up a smile...and just go....(eachos out)

But doug wait...
Hol up let me quickly say my final word
If this piece ever reaches you i need this part to be heard
I love you to death and would re up with you in a second
If you were mad after reading this you didn't decipher the love from pain in this message
I pray for you all the time, hope you get all the good you deserve and tell god to keep you safe from any harm or danger
But I gotta leave ya on this final note
"If only we could go back again...and become strangers."

Thank you (echoes out)

to be blonde and skinny-
that is all i really need.
if i was blonde and skinny,
id have the boys on their knees.
my personality is fine
and my humor is fair
but if you arent skinny and blonde,
the boys just dont care.

Death never quells
The tin ringing of its wedding bells.
Our own flesh, betrothed
To dirt, and consummated
As a glossy wooden box penetrates
Beneath the surface of the Earth.

How we tailor time to match,
A fitted formula that suits our thoughts.
Trails of missed connections,
Lead like breadcrumbs to
The fraction of a second, when you spoke too soon.
Your moment is lost. Words spoken
Forever emblazoned on the stone slab
Carried around as personality.
What you always meant to say,
Only ever reads as regret. We never count the steps
Between triumph and catastrophe.
Life is a burnt-out church house. A one-man quire
Singing sorrow, match in hand.

Little red circle lighting up the night.
Conversations lasting longer than your cigarette.
Bottled soul, your more passionate than you think, you'll let your mind smoke for the hell of it.
We share drinks until our lips get lit.
The unfit will be the last bottle drop, ignorant kids.
Forgotten teens that life neglected but were gifted. Forsaken but awaken.
Those that gave into personality shape shifts. Two older brothers still trying to make it.

I never thought about how much I
Hate myself.
It's practically to a point where I
Can't deal with myself
Anymore.
I hate my
Body,
It's the outside shell that
Gets judged
By them.
I hate my
Personality,
Sometimes it's not
Enough
Or it's too much.
I hate my
Height,
I'm always too
Short
And my lovers are too tall.
And last but not least,
I hate the
Way I care about you.

Caring for you is so hard,
You act like you care about me.
You cuddle with me,
And when our feet touch it's
electric
And we
Play with each others hair,
Which is fun too.
I always get so close to kissing you
And yet
You turn away.
I know it's not your thing and
To be honest
It's not mine either.
But,
For some reason,
I'd kiss you
All day,
Everyday.