I want so badly to believe in something.  I’ve stripped myself down from all the filth and cotton.  I have untied the skin and bones and ligaments to find truth of my structure. I don’t know if I belong in this encasement.  I’m out searching, coming to grips with my fingerprints.  They are my own. Do I deserve the skin enclosing my organs.  My esophagus burns with revelation, but my eyes still don’t sting. My heart is on fire, but yours hasn’t left its roots.  I’m out searching, coming to grips that I am grounded in these cells.

Beep-beep.
Beep.
Bee-bee.
Water splashes as it bubbles over,
steam rushes out from under the ***'s lid,
Tender pasta arcks out into a strainer from the waterfall of boiling water.
The aroma of fresh cut vegtibles pollutes the air,
Herbs and spice fill the *** as cream fills the gaps between pasta,
Chese coats the top.

Children make a muck  in the garden's grass,
Caked with soil they tromp  past the hall,
So much bleach will be needed tomorrow.

Smooth jazz comes from the apple shaped speakers in the kitchen
A spiral of spices flit through the air.

All sit,
The sun setting low,
Lights luminate our table's  surface,
puppy licks at your toe,
The food passes round,
And there's a happy glow.

meet me in the morning.
tell me this is real,
old friend.

ruins.
fallen old bricks just like people.
like the reincarnation of a dead boy
into a living boy.
zombie johnny.
bought and paid for,
brujería.

naked son &
jungle stone heads.
in the olmec valley
is the lizard and the spirit and the pupae.
particle cellular fabrication/ or retrogenesis from within
a million points of light.
skeleton witch.

& with eclipse
he is the night.
he is the city skull and steel.
an electro-flesh apparition, bloodletting the living for fun
&/or nostalgia.

some ghosts desire vengeance.
some ghosts luminate from the dark,
& emerge as a needle of near perfect retribution.

the riches and gems and towering
years later.
the families of men who buried johnny moon alive
in a box in mexico.
death to them.
like retro-teen laughs in the horror movie exploratorium.
rituals.

This stray amongst the lions, singing
Songs about the motions, while he
Shuffles on his feet, and dreams of
Birds and trains and oceans.
Inside a cage of pens and desks, his
Mind a whirlwind blowing, and his
Instinct rarely showing that there's
No real way of knowing. Be-
Neath the towering eyes of stone, he'll
Charge forth into worlds unknown. And
Maybe he'll make us all so very proud.

The jewel within the junkpile, reading
Classic works of old, and telling
Stories of a life she dreams on
Starry nights so cold. She
Takes a subtle gesture, turns it
To a work of art, and then she'll
Take a few steps backwards, turn, and
Then she shall depart. Be-
Tween two realms of parapets, she
Takes her time, but still forgets to
Return to the heavens she is from.

A seething mass of paper, screaming
Mindless riddling tricks, bent on
Giving you your fix, of heady
Sciences, for kicks. They share a
Bleak appraise of life, but still
Together it's alright, because
There's nothing they can't face, if they just
Shine a little light. Be-
Mused and disillusioned glances, and
Gaily executed dances. The
World just fades to white, and all is well.

A satin mix of music, and an
Air of discontent, disguising
All who can't repent and left to
Pick their cold descent. She
Strokes aside her hair and puts her
Hands around your waist, before you
Narrow up the space and dance to-
Gether, face to face.
Alone without a single care, the
World is left to stop and stare; and
Rain falls from the stars in darkest skies.

He stumbles round his words, and offers
Meaningless remarks, which don't il-
Luminate the dark as well as
How he set his mark. An
Awkward, crowded scene conspires to
Rid him of his dream, but still he
Doesn't let it seem as though his
Nature doesn't gleam. A-
Lone with just a pocketbook, he
Takes his turn, but doesn't look to
See if she has found her way back home.

He carries his emotions to a
Private place he knows, where the
Jokers never go, and all the
People walk below. She
Meets him at the bar, but doesn't
Take a seat beside, because she
Doesn't like this ride, and so her
Feelings are denied. He
Stares into her ashen eyes, that
Earthy depth that never lies; she
Sits and plays a tune for all to hear.

Fireflies luminate in wake of a setting sun
Tiny beacons becoming a river of light
Riding the current into the dusk dreams
The delicate drink of the evening affairs

Night owls, inspired by the twilight
Screech a verse with midnight maddness
Acrobatic arms orchestrate sunset tunes
Big booms serenade noctournal beast

Dark now blooms with wild music
The New Moon offering her acoustic
Play on, play on, before they wake
The Sunset Symphony, until day break

The tear emerged
Already falling
Down my face
Over my breast
And around my waist

An arm snaking
A cold, damp embrace
Welcomes the fall
The summer child saying goodbye
To her season.

Greeting a shadowed distance
As yet cold, and de-luminate
Fog and mists unburnt
the path invisible pour les yeuse
therefore, essential.

The gentle roll
Of unspoilt land
Goes on and on and on,
Endless shades of green
Pouring into one another
And then into my eyes.
Wide skies and cascading light,
Luminate bark and the scent of growth,
And change,
Or both.
I crave the sea,
To lap away my aches,
But I ache for you,
Each bone pulsing your name.

But I find stillness in the clouds,
A white cloth of calm,
A lullaby.

Just like a Hollywood Film
You shot and captured me
Releasing me into the world
For everyone to see
I never knew these scenes could luminate me

Tendrils of smoke curl around smouldering hearts.
Pleasurable shudders reverberate throughout.
Bodies move with fluid grace.
Coming together like they already know the steps of the dance, like they've danced together before.
Perhaps another life.
Excitement lust and passion luminate eyes.
Souls recognize eachother
Two broken beings coming together
beings coming together for comfort only to realize they are not in fact broken but paramount and unyielding.
Essences knit together and meld into one another neither knows where each respectively ends or begins. Nor do they care for its no longer pivitol.
Elation rings out  exploding the body mind and soul as they lay fused for a few breathtaking moments.
As the disentangle they come back to themselves but still connected in a way.
Leaving one another with a piece of themselves in the proccess. Craving more than tangible
Intrinsic

Half-way between the bowled catcher
My cradled bones soon to taste air
The cold of night numb me
And the hidden side once it is freed
As inside this carcass soon to be
Will all my soul take sudden leave
As forceps without a clamp
And hammer without its blunt
Strike my neck procedurally
To codify another thread

I roll my eyes lifeless before
The opening in the sky
Behind the blue reflecting sea
A mirror pocked by the white
Of clean and careless clarity
Sterile back-drop covered by primer
As soon the basket will be
Grass roots will taste copper today
And tails bear the thickened rubies

Ever changing questing bright
The footsteps dried like pen-marked words
Another order change my hold
Of how I retain my parts for naught
I see the periods repeat around my last
All to sign with blackest truth
To one who hold the quill above
Continue to weight down with ink

Clouds blow like the paper's did
When I was shackled to the ring
My back was bent by mallet-ends
And by the bridge of glasses scoured
Move slow or fast the end is same
I still will be in arms of wood
Soak by my predecessor's edicts

It shined with lacquered veneer distinct
A task mine to complete
Renew a thirsting stretch its slake
For revenge of how its purpose take
From off the leg not moving yet
It screams as I will to the skies

Single globe stare back at me
While all the rest take time to blink
And luminate reflection down
So I can shy and block the ground
You long-describing say I meet

Last wind carry your signal flare
As I take in the last greys of earth
Close-lidded shut out the cold
Preparing another set to crack

You never shift your watch from me
The spectacle all too enticing
How the colour dissipates to the air

You hold me in memory
As does the cradle's coating

Beneath the next tens countless sentance

she twinkles over meadows
at the dusk of the day.
she mesmerises sweethearts in the dark.
her light is captured treasure
sought for mason jar displays.
i ran to catch her warm endearing spark.

among the other glowers
in the field of the dance,
her light shines always brighter than the rest.
with pure and whole intentions
i pursued in true romance
til i trapped her love inside my bottled quest.

i held her as possession,
admiring as a prize,
a crystal trophy worshiped at my whim.
she smiled a forced conviction
always giving through those eyes,
but her light, possessed, began to slowly dim.

some light is made for holding,
some light is made to stay,
but she was made for freedom like a lark.
i loosed her o'er the meadows
at the dusk of the day
to luminate more lovers in the dark.

I do not write,
I only play;
God will resolve the dissonance
Someday.

Today's triumph,
Tomorrow's fight.
Dark longings soon will luminate
Delight.

Each hot desire,
Cold as rock,
Becomes a stair to doors I find
Unlocked.

See not to taste?
No, taste to see...
Old poison is a potion now
That frees.

She sits on her bed
Watching the sound of the cars go by
Through the window
As she stares at the moonlight
With her eyes shut
Wondering if she shines with them
Or has flickered out
“nobody will love me"
She says to herself
It's common sense
No one will love you if you don’t shine
You're just a dulled out star
Waiting for another to sacrifice its light to luminate yours
She wears a mask hoping someone will not just fall for it–the lie—
But fall in love as well
And she will fake it as long as she can
But she doesn’t understand
Not everyone is born with luminescense
Most are stranded, alone, broken, wasted
She doesn’t understand
Two broken halves can make a whole again
Two dim lights can shine together brighter than any star in the sky
But she keeps wearing her mask
Giving everyone what they want
While she always falls short of getting what she needs
Maybe she isn't meant to be bright
Maybe she's meant to light up everyone else
But every night
When she reads her skin in the mirror
After washing away her mask
The reflection scares even her
Because not even she recognizes herself anymore
She's afraid to provide someone the definition of love
Because not even she can stand to see herself
So she sits instead
And rewrites her skin with a pen
And lays patiently wasted away in her bed
Feeling like the moon:
Only reflecting light instead of providing her own
And she knows
Just like moonlight
Nobody will truly appreciate her reflection of light
Until it wanes, fades
And is no more than darkness
Only then will they wish for the light to return
Only then will they understand
That to have light is a gift not all believe they have
And sometimes
If light is not cared for
The wind will blow it out
And leave smoke to settle in the lungs of those closest
Until the embers deeply inhale their last breath
Until ashes are all that remain.

1.5.

If only
you knew
how many laps
it would take
to make my
escape
Lost in my
minds maze
I was trapped
in dark days
Lost in
countless
ways

Time after
time
Do you know
how many
times
I have died
while alive?
   
It's not easy
having this
beautiful mind

To see nothing
but beauty
in deranged
miracles

They luminate
through my eyes

To outsmart
my own
Devil
I beat me
at my own
game
Now I wear
this ******
crown
Watching myself
I go down
on my
knees
Hear how I  
sing my own
praises
Loving myself
as I embrace
my wicked
ways

Backwards I lit
my morning
cigarette
Filter for my
silent mouth
Watch how it
ignites
Spewing toxic
blue flames
straight out of
Hell

Still I’ll inhale

Ill be the first
to admit
I've done some
pretty
****** up ****

All that time
wasted
Incarcerated
Intoxicated
Drugged out
Seduced
Body ******
Bruised and Broken
Over and over
Praying for the
day
it or I
would end
Still can’t recall
all the nights
turned to days
turned to weeks
no sleep on repeat
Stealing and Dealing
Forget to keep
dreaming

Yet here I am
Still standing
Still inhailing
my *******
cigarette

My only regret
Was falling in
love
with the right
man
After he was
gone

Only thing left
Date
Year
Numbers finalizing
Timing his final
breath

Now The Ashes
are everywhere
The only truth
in love

My cigarettes death

1.6.

Radio playing
Times
Timeless hit-list

If I could turn
back
my all-time
regret

Was in a moment
No sooner
or later
no matter
where
everything and
everyone
I asked
impossible questions

Why me?
What happened?
Or didn't
After we had
met

In a restricted
hall
We tried so
hard
To not be so
late
The clock kept
trying to tell
me
Yet I blamed it
For believing my
lies
I was blind from
not hearing
the warning
from time
In how we would
both become
prisoners
Forced to stare
back at
crumbling walls

Counting every
**** day
Watching every
**** tick
Fabrication
of possible
ways

My lists on
lists turned to
regret after
regret
The only truth
in love

My cigarettes death

How I would
wish for words
so I could
pray
I can't say
Make me forget
No I never
I won't
I don't even
smoke
Why did I
ask

“So what’s your name”

The look you
would give me
while giving
to you
In you I had
my first regret
That would lead
to you
lightning me up
that last cigarette

Now the last
thing
my only thing
left
I’m smoking all
alone
Won’t be hearing
you say my name
anymore

But I won’t ever
regret
how you had... that crave
and because of
me
You could get
a spark off
a dead lighter
Trick is
you gotta put
two dead ones
together

***
Death
Celebration
Stress

Always you'll see
me smoking

I need you
not these
stale ashes
So tell me
again
just how bad
you need
another
******* cigarette

la gara se vând flori
și fire de vânt strecurate printre vitralii
fier lovit de dinți încep să văd detalii.
oase, vene și alte romantice orori.
frigul ăsta mi-l fac vară.
o sun pe mama să-i spun că a născut o avalanșă.
şi ofilesc.
orașul un amalgam de cărămidă prăfoasă, poduri rabatabile și geamuri pustii și luminate atât de frumos
nu înțeleg de ce nu *** să trăiesc
mai îndeajuns.
în soare cu dinți și în ploaie torențială, mamă
trăiesc o viață pentru amândouă.
mă salut cu toată lumea necunoscută de pe stradă și îmi cumpăr flori odată pe săptămână eu și sănătatea mea puerilă.
stau și fumez 3, 4, 5 țigări pe zi câteodată niciuna și admir umbrele nopții.
cand tremur seara parcă nu mai sunt singură.