She was dancing on the edge with a giggle
Teasing and taunting him
with the danger of all he loved to be lost
Careless
Reckless was her exsistence
and he looked on wearily
but kept his distant
Pleading
"Please let her fall I've grown so tired of this"

I feel humility has hit a brickwall
in the wake of technology
and empathy is out cold
The reprecussions far from decent
It's reality TV on speed
Racing with our conscious
Deluded minds recognize with a
Virtual exsistence
As a human I amit this
in the hopes the message will wake
the warped sims
and help them find discipline

Just to level with ya
I'm not on a level with ya
I'm my super futuristic swag ish
The kinda ish you cant cope with
Nine Lives
No worries the mayans calendar brought no end for me
I'm an entity
Reincarnated many times past
They say seeing is believing
Watch how my soul last
Throughout time like a fine wine
I'll make my impression
Take note of this life lesson
many have tried but there is really no one like me
I come from dimensions ascended from queens
Supreme being
Check my pedigree
Things mere mortals can't see or even relate to
If I were you I would bow down to my greatness in front of you
No reason for the southern hospitality
But no confusion or illusion
I'm a southern girl until they bury me
Only the deep can contemplate the inner working mechanisms of this story
Destined for greatness
Leaving my mark embarking on this journey
I'm under appreciated
So I emancipated my mindset
And went on a diet dropped alot of dead weight
To think with a higher realm of reason
Lest we forget I speak with foreign tongue
To those who can't comprehend my exsistence
So in close i'm me
I'll never be residual
top notch first round draft pick
I'm a truly unique individual
I dont know another way to be

If you can't see,
How can you expect to be free,
Sitting on your knee,
Taking it all,
Paying a hidden fee,
To the engine.

Selling your soul,
Thinking you're not part of the sin,
And then wondering why does it smell so foul.

You're in it,
And so am I,
And so are the masses.
Programmed over the eras,
To chase the escape,
Forgetting that it's just vape.

Who are we kiddin?
We all can see,
Fom the seats we're sitting in,
Absorbing the malicious,
Expelling the benevolence,
and being blatantly shameless,
Forgetting that such an exsistence should be nameless.

But here we are,
Here we are,
Smitten by the evil kitten,
Claiming what can we do,
What can we do?

Who are you shittin?
Who are we shittin?
But ain't it fittin.

I guess we do belong,
We did reap what we sowed,
And we did it all together.


Here's a pill,
Forget that it'll make you ill,
But this is it.
There is no escape.
So why are we looking for salvation,
In the new phone,
In the company raise,
In the new hand bag.

Same fallacy,
Different phase,
Moving on.

The salvation you seek,
Is something that you'll find inside,
And even when you do,
She will never stick around.

So accept,
That every day won't be amazing,
And don't forget,
That everyday doesn't have to be bad,
And that's what this life is made of,
Till the day we all are just vape.

I have hung my self to dry on the lines of a greater theory

I am not me anymore

I feel pity for the woman inside of me

I feel pity for my greater infant that slowly faints in the darkness

and I feel pity for my health

I feel pity for the fact that I feel pity for my very self
I have lost control of mental wealth
completely embedded in the filthy secrets and the stealth

A simple careless whisper will do me well
the years I have disguised them time and time again
but quite honestly its been nothing but hell
time and time again I fell
time and time again put under that ***** spell
time and time again I have let you in after you rang my rusty doorbell
and time and time again I have asked you to leave or dragged you out
and bid you my simple farewell
from you
love
love
I have rebelled
I cant stand the taste of you
or even bare your smell
Im am sealed in this shell
love
love
you have made me unwell

I speak to you, not a person
but the emotion itself
locked with the carved letters of
blood
blood shed by so many men in our history
and a mortal death for the hearts of many

If I can turn you into something I could touch I would suffocate you
and rid of our exsistence, to speak quite bluntly

oh love how you make the skin on my stomach feel the bone in my back
like a starving child caved into emptiness
I feel the impact of your  dread on my body physically
and oh how you eat away at me
and dig me so far into this abyss with your anarchy
how you breathe in me awfully and tend me to be angry

oh but how I yearn for your beauty
in the back of my mind I must admit
for the first time I will release the child confession
of my ample and frigid like weakness
I feel my very marrow deteriorating with thoughts of you
love

love here me when I speak to you
you live in happy homes and in the hearts of few
and have become such a taboo

love tell me what can I do to undo
the witches and warlocks in my souls venue
the black voodoo and the monstrous zoo
that infested my purity and scorned my very tissue
time and time again I have thought this through

but where can I go to repair the damage when love is the answer
when the answer is
*you

Symbolize no lies and the flip side of white like Anubis
From noobin' to getting a new *****
No birth on earth, not lucid
Off my knees with no assist
**** a trip never lit and still lifted
Used to quit for a bit, but the G too loud I listened
**** boys out my vision
Questioned exsistence, doubts had no limit
2 to run a business
1 of those disposed the closed
Honor roll for being on the role, never missed like a ***
Wished to be what I seemed to be on the screen; so vivid
Regretting lies in this life all the time now I'm fine being just David
Universe seems different
BS all around got me bent
Dead bird, you no fly
Old *****, no reply
Childish, you still whine
You full of it, like a cyst
Cat killa, ask yo sis
Smooth talk, **** that swiss
Made my way without an *** kiss
Money off my wishlist
Summer coming like my ****
Trill kicks, gold wrists, yeah all thrift
Never trust those slick lips
Better off a pugilist
Swollen fist, not a pacifist
No front, my diction real ****
Get you ****** with no diss
Limp **** still leave her lispin'......I'm not even playing

Catagorized by the invisable
who are they?
whether they rush or saunter past the living
whether they rest to observe the emptyness of the dead
its theirs to remember
its theirs to forget
who are they?
is their a man in charge of them?
if so... a speck
not really an exsistence
for whom no one should fear... but chuckle
dare to discribe their panoramics of nothingness
for exsistence is microscopic in its vastness
so... who are they?
the invisable
the observers
the remembered
the forgotten...


search within

My head in riddles,
poisonous snakes latch onto every thought,
every feeling, leeching out every essense of
purity until I'm left dry in thrist.

I feel the pressure of the acids pulsating through
every nerve of my living body, slowly torturing,
paralyzing me from the inside out.

But I can still feel the dim flicker of light,
the one feeling, the strongest of them all,
hidden the deep in the caverns of my exsistence.
I will crawl with my fingernails, with every
last breath to reach this light.
I will bleed before I allow myself to become
paraslysed into darkness.

These devious creeping shadows will be cast out,
the abundance of light will take over, I will be free.
I am ready to step into self liberation.

Now I just wanna know one thing
When do we draw the line between insanity
and creativity
because if sitting in your room for hours talking to your self is insane
then take me away
but I bet Fredick Duglas did the same thing
when he was in jail and the only person he talked to was the ceiling
and if banging your head against the wall means your crazy
then lock me up baby
because when I cant get the end to a poem right
it will keep me banging my head all night
and if thinking outside the box
and questioning exsistence
means your insane
I think your crazy because if that is insanity
we all are insane
people have come up with things
that make others look at your crazy
and you cant just tell me that me thinking
using oil is crazy
I'm losing my mind to insanity
the insane people of the world
are the people who change it
Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks
Columbus, Ghandi
Martin Luther King, Jesus
Einstine, Mr.Peabody
and everybody
who has an idea  is insane
they are insanely great
because insanity is what changes things
Insanity makes the world a better place for you and me
so why don't
we instead of pushing the insane person aside
listen to what they have to say
You might learn something
and you may even realize being insane is a good thing

He takes the brush
full of endless wonders
never runs out of
stories to ignite aflame.

Yet every day he seems
to fall into deep thought
in some other world
where beauty excists
inside a brittle crystal.

The brush, shattering it
to design carefully another
wondrous form of art.

Painter, draws the life
while the composer plays
music for the silky soul.

Poet, writes the lines
of eternal exsistence
while the dancer gives
heart for the movement
Of life.

All i know is,
Everything i live,
Is or was and can be,
Just a figment in anothers imagination

I pressed my prancing ear upon the chest of the thin melancholic paper
the words dripped like purluded dreams of infants
I beckon to trace my invisible whispers deeper into the parchment
the pen touched the edge of tatter
and my veins pump the bluest blood through my fingers
Im bound by the seduction of the black art
mused by its very exsistence
Im in a constant dilemma of letting it persecute my very movements
hurl my insides to make them distorted
it is what allows me to walk straight
emotions spit darkness into the light
and I am basking in the harmonious sun
leaving splinters on every pore
and I beg for
more

be so kind to speak harshly
too lovely to think smoothly
and open your skin so I can peer inside everything you
believe in

waters thrusting without a sound
in my playful obstacles of the notes that bound my lips together
and I am purging thoughtful gazes in every direction
or so to speak

I stand and hear snaps applause for my devotion
admiration and unforgiving blunteness
into my perception on the side walk the brim of homelessness sits on
and I hum as I walk away from shaken lands
the happiest tune I ever learned

the findings are premorse
and the abstract facts are not enough
you see

when I speak, forgive me but I always try to transgress
logically
fame in the writing of words are a bore
and there is no cure in them
speech is in the pit of the abdomen
words are poetry spat out from the core of any woman

I guess
The world is harsh
I guess
I'm just not nice enough
I guess
I'm just a *******
All these things I guess
All because you told me so
But check it
This is what I know
I'm awesome
I'm ****
I'm winning in life
Y'all just messy
I'm a one of a kind
And I'm hard to find
I'm writing this rhyme
Just to waste some time
And relax my mind
Can you see that line?
Yeah you crossed it
Cause you lost it
Sent it to prison and salad tossed it
I'm nauseous
Every time I think
About your exsistence
It's a resistance
Electrical in nature
Sudden like the rapture
Painful as a fracture
I write my own crimson letter
Cause in the end,
I'll always be better

beckon to me with quivering lips
as I stare into the sun of all my innumberable objects
that swam in the days in where
our skin would touch

and i laughed
and sighed
and told you that I think
your the moon thats cradles my bed

life in junction
life in motion
under my little feet
Im hungover
and i sing out loud all the songs that you
hate to hear

maybe you are not for me
nor I you
and Im just too much
Im breaking your basket with all my eggs
and my childhood is incomprehensible
and who I must be
clings to you shirt

and I am detached from your mind
I see you as I as my coffee in the morning
twice a year
and Im followed by herds of
paper , and no paper

simmer me down from this restless place
that isnt so restless
where i can turn off all these machines
so that I am detached from this
society
I despise so much

lay me out naked on a tree
but only by myself
and only with you
or you

I have found a new passage way
and I find my remarkable exsistence
pulled up higher
by means of these new words I utter
from pure distraction
this is my distraction
from all this cruelty

Driving through the

dark and dreary

night



Fleeing about the

looming clouds in

flight



Glancing down on

the flickering lights

below



Not about to

question all the

hopes

   dreams

       harships

of the bearers

the light does

lift



Such a lonely

exsistence a highway

lives

December 28th 2001 Istarted a new job
The specified criteria immense
The role involved challenging
The hours 24/7
For life
Payment far richer than gold or silver
Responsibilities include
Teacher , adviser ,playmate,nurse
Protector,counsellor,supporter,
Listener,Provider­
My rewards unfold before me each passing day
You are .... The very essence of my exsistence
The fruits of all my labour and sacrifice
Your inner beauty reflects my heart
Your intelligence will be an asset to the next generation
Your laugh is infectious
Your thoughtfull ways touch my soul
You are loved and remembered by all you meet
As beautiful as a new day that dawns
My daughter
My inspiration........

beckon to me with quivering lips
as I stare into the sun of all my innumberable objects
that swam in the days in where
our skin would touch

and I laughed
and sighed
and told you that I think
your the moon thats cradles my bed

life in junction
life in motion
under my little feet
Im hungover
and I sing out loud all the songs that you
hate to hear

maybe you are not for me
nor I you
and Im just too much
Im breaking your basket with all my eggs
and my childhood is incomprehensible
and who I must be
clings to you shirt

and I am detached from your mind
I see you as I see my coffee in the morning
twice a year
and Im followed by herds of
paper , and no paper

simmer me down from this restless place
that isnt so restless
where I can turn off all these machines
so that I am detached from this
society
I despise so much

lay me out naked on a tree
but only by myself
and only with you
or you
or you who dispersed me as a child

I have found a new passage way
and I find my remarkable exsistence
pulled up higher
by means of these new words I utter
from pure distraction
this is my distraction
from all this cruelty

A water paint canvas layed out before me
And how it bends and sways with a natural aesthetic
Sensation is wonderful- yet, Curious to why we see?
And how majestic a catarac stare would be
An Organic exsistence with no visual influence
Drifting through perception in an absent lucence

Constructing a world in your own minds eye-
like a life like game in a virtual pervade
One could find luxury in a simple pig sty
Hearing only rumors of the turning sky
Character would be a conception so profound
The persuasion of Vanity - nothing but sound

Re-building this earth into your own image
From dust to form and beauty to wreckage

He wore a stripped shirt
that resembled the twist of serpants
though he smiled warmly his eyes were
steady on the dollars
placing labels and badges on all
the soldiers fighting to pay rent
and live in times so far from purpose
I kick back and watch him scribble
false notice
prescribing a pill to every effect from
this life
its left me purging
I hate the institutions
the corrupt unjust
sick ***** sedating my
passions and
numbing me up
smart went to another place
outside your local village where
the villians mix the chemical
perserves in your children's fillings
I cant help the way I percieve what
I have seen
I cant help that my fall from innocents
was rougher and obscene
I cant stop thinking of the misuse
of power and money mongers
I want to burn the kingdom
hoping it'd grow back to something better
misguided we walk off cliffs and to the slaughter
or we come back as our fathers paper back novel
excellence for me has fallen to resistence
because I simply cant stand this kind of exsistence
go ahead and direct me to another perscription
corrupt everything in my mind that makes me human
I'm ODD to the extreme !
I reject most of you and the latest thing
and now this man sits here
telling me I'm sick and spiraling
as he shakes hands with satan
defiling minds from eyes that only see green
and I pay my way to see this jackal conspiring?!
You can keep your advice your diagnoses and the dice
I'll leave you now to gamble with the rest of the villager's lives

From the moment of my exsistence
gravity bound me to low lands. Holding me firmly
under a sun with no mercy
to the thirsty earth.
I prayed to my Beloved for rain

From the miracle of our encounter
Love swept me above the drought Our bodies
collidng, tasting like thunder
ecstasy drenching the parched dirt
I pray to my Beloved to rain

The taste of cigarettes has become a trigger
tugging on my memories of intimacy with women
the mere thought alone of smoking is ***
I smoke a lot
lighting that cigarette with fire
inhaling that smoke
that sensation tingling through my veins
exhaling then inhaling
again and again and again
sometimes inhaling deeper
and exhaling slower
I love to watch the smoke plume out of my mouth
and linger in the air
it's such an intriguing contrast
between the oxygen and smoke
though sometimes I get lost in it,
this cloud of death
and see it bigger than it is
sometimes I forget to breathe
this is a habit of mine
pretending that I don't need air
I sit there motionless
as the veins in my neck
begin to protrude out from under my skin
and my head becomes heavy,
too heavy to keep up straight,
and my mind becomes light
then, as always, I open my mouth
and voraciously inhale some oxygen
I guess there's just something in me that wants to breathe.

A beautiful woman walks across the street in front of me
***, ignite, inhale, exhale
I turn up the music in my headphones
then, she makes eye contact with me with this look in her eyes
it was deeper than what was in between her thighs
and as if she could hear the music in my head
the flow of her body as she walked away swayed to its rhythm
this seemingly insignificant moment turned into something beautiful
it was euphoric
this simple acknowledgement of exsistence
of which I had experienced so many times before
had become enough to distract me.. . to distact me. ..
to distract me from the cigarette in my hand
which was now ashing itself
there was nothing ****** about it yet the after effect felt just as good
but it was a different kind of good
a good I could only feel from that moment alone
I looked down at my cigarette, now half gone
and contemplated on whether I should finish it or not
I stood up and walked to the edge of the sidewalk
and as I threw the un-finished cigarette down into the gutter
I realized that

Life is ***
there are so many things out there to ****
so many thoughts to ****
so many vibrations to ****
and I would like to **** for a very long time.

thin strings made of the self
there is a desperate need for a knot
she feels worthless and empty
wanting to fade into the clouds above

I pressed my prancing ear upon the chest of the thin melancholic paper
the words dripped like purluded dreams of infants
I beckon to trace my invisible whispers deeper into the parchment
the pen touched the edge of tatter
and my veins pump the bluest blood through my fingers
Im bound by the seduction of the black art
mused by its very exsistence
Im in a constant dilemma of letting it persecute my very movements
hurl my insides to make them distorted
it is what allows me to walk straight
emotions spit darkness into the light
and I am basking in the harmonious sun
leaving splinters on every pore
and I beg for
more

be so kind to speak harshly
to lovely to think smoothly
and open your skin so I can peer inside everything you
believe in

waters thrusting without a sound
in my playful obstacles of the notes that bound my lips together
and I am purging thoughtful gazes in every direction
or so to speak

I stand and hear snaps applause for my devotion
admiration and unforgiving blunteness
into my perception on the side walk the brim of homelessness sits on
and I hum as I walk away from shaken lands
the happiest tune I ever learned

the findings are premorse
and the abstract facts are not enough
you see

when I speak, forgive me but I always try to transgress
logically
fame in the writing of words are a bore
and there is no cure in them
speech is in the pit of the abdomen
words are poetry spat out from the core of any woman

I remember you

you are painful to remember

your face a muse in my deepest beliefs
on what the real meaning of love is
or mAYbe something else

Im so bound by my memories of you
they fall in my mind like the roots of dandylions
but with wishes that never came true

sometimes I feel
that I wish I could have lived with you in some remote world
far from the one we met
far from the one that any who have felt this way will ever go
Im engrossed in my simplicity towards you
towards your remarkable face

you brought joy
you brought anguish
you brought fear
and deliverance
to the furthest place away from you that my feet could possibly take me

why is it that my mind always goes back to you
at times
when Im almost on the edge of relief
you take my sanity away from me

and Im left in the same place once more
I feel like a failure everytime
who is left with nothing
not even the joy in my commitment of straying myself away
from the very core of you
for it is imbedded in my core
you are the seed and Im the outer layer of the fruit
that will never ripen with time
or with age
Im stuck in a pandominoum
in a world
where the sun does not shine
and I do not move foward

I assume that the only thing that will bring me refuge
is your voice
which is the only thing that terrorizes me most

you are a monster caged in the very depths of my thoughts
I have lost the key to let you go
to free you from my restless mind
I hear your echoes every night beaming in my head
agony mixed with revelations of something I was so unfamiliar with
until your frail and young exsistence came into my life

I did not want to be the one to show you
the one to bring you into that world
it was so painful for me
will you ever now
how weak I felt holding that responsibilty in my small hands
I have never felt so small before

the sin
the relaxtion
the realse
the pain

you let me be the barrer of these
and now Im left with all except relaxtion
and without you

our story falls on the thorns of beautiful roses
Im stuck on the needles
while I stare at the pedals in rememberance
of all the things that I can no longer touch
with my veins
I end this poem like I ended me and you
without wanting to

Stone
swathed in silk
trembles     ripples
beneath the lines
that write my exsistence

Palm to flesh
caress
Lips     wet
whisper miracles and witness
Love  evoL
ascend

My belly tightens
Flushed
******* rise
and fall
rise again rapid

Blood pounds
rushing
hips push
drenched in sense
     ation
euphoric fixation

His mouth
stealing noise
off my tongue
an aria begun
and ended
witnessed
Love evoL
He ascends again

She fell in love with someone else on my birthday.

He cried about it to me later that weekend

And I cried because he had fallen in love with her

Happy birthday

Happy exsistence

if i look into the eyes of this angel
will she know my name?

or will she turn away
because she knows my shame
and wonder why i even came?

If i touch the hand of this angel
will she feel my pain?

or will she turn away
because she can see the stain
on my heart and know just who's to blame?

if i kiss the lips of this angel
will she erase my hate

or will she turn away
and leave me to burn
inside my childish rage?

and if i ever see this angel
will she still be from heaven

or will she have turned away
and become what i made
the demon that i so crave

her smile
and her hands
and her joy
and her laughter
and her tears
and her grace
all left shattered
and her love
and her wings
and her halo
all gone

and if i leave this angel
will i leave a man?

or will she burn me where i stand
because she knows i am truly ******
and i need a to finally understand
that all i was and all i am
is doomed to never know the plan
in the mind of the great one, the I Am
just to wander on inside this sham?

this sham that is my exsistence; that is my life
that is the reason for so much strife
that cuts the innocent like a knife
that gives to others anger rife

and if i die in this angels arms
will she send me to my eternal death

or will she turn me away
from hells tormentous touch?
of this i truly pray

yet something tells me that all she is
is my souls desperate wish to stay away
from the judgement that will come one day
and she'll have nothing left for her to say
except you have gone too far astray
and now all of your yesterday
will make your tomorrow never after today

They live in my mind all the time and they don't know.
They dwell in my heart all the time and they don't know.
They are the cause for it all and they don't know.
They are the most precious of my things and they don't know.
They cause the sun to shine gray and they dont know.
They cause the dark to go away and they don't know.
They steal the breath from me and they don't know.
They cause the life in me and they don't know.

Being without them is a living death
An undeath.

And I'm scared I'm getting used
to the exsistence of this
I can feel me dying
And yet there is nothing amiss.

I feel normal and so I must truly be lost.
I feel alive when I know I am not.
I feel content when there is only loss.
I must be dead and my soul was the cost.

I never knew what loneliness was until I your cure for it
you detached me from identity
you dismissed me from a capaticy to feel and ignored that I ached for you
ached to love you with my faceless face
ached to love you with my body that you made mechanical
ached to love you with my soul that you denied, refused, dismissed, me of having
your intentions blurred me into nothing and you say that that was not your intent
but why do you take me like you mean to write me into poetry but then erase my essence off your pages
you are a black hole diminishing me into an abyss of your neglect, and rejection so I am ceaselessly falling into your darkness and not your love

to love you with all my exsistencne nonexsistently
I alway love with all my exsistence nonexsistently

I am alone in my accidental purpose and reasons and secrets and confessions and everything unspoken
i want to be silence to you
the silence that echos with words and feelings that exsist but remain nonexsistent
and i ache to love you with my voiceless voice but whats the use in emphasiszing my insanity by speaking aloud to myself?
so ill stay consumed in thinking to myself thoughts meant for you deprived of meaning by you

I've been alone in love every time I've loved
and alone I love more
but i've never felt such utter loneliness before as you keep a memeory but forget me within it
fade me into insignificance so my name is a word and not a meaning, not a nickname for my essence but remembered as just a presence
a witness to you breathing-dissolving myself into your inhale and vanishing as you expel me with your exhale

i look into your eyes like i look into a mirror
trying to see myself inside but being nothing more than a surface reflection

i never understood lonliness until i felt yours
the disconnect as our eyes connected
the detachement as our hands attached
the distance as our lips met

never have I felt so far when being so close
never have I craved so much an intamacy that will never be intimate
never have I felt love in being so unloved

before i was alone but did not feel the pain of solitude
before i was in solitdue but did not feel the hurt of being alone
now i'm in a lonely love for you
and i'm addicted to the nothingness you make me
but i wish you loved me into something
i wish you loved me

i want to scribble all my secrets

on the inside of your giant palms

let you squeeze them out of exsistence

lay my sweating worried forehead near you heart

hyponitize myself to the beat

fasten myself around you like strings to a guitar

and be rhythm

and be harmony

and be noise upon noise upon noise

layered to your liking

and all at once quiet

with my nose to your nose

so close i can't remember what color your eyes are

so close i don't feel anything but the deep blue hole

only a soul on a soul

i dream of just being the light

the speckles that escape between the shades

and dance on the floor

as the wind rustles the blinds

i want to be wrestled into harmony

pushed into fantasy

kidnapped by bliss

and if it can't come for me

i want to scribble all my secrets

on the inside of your giant palms

-there they might be safe from me

I look at you everyday with judgement,
with admiration,
with hatred,
and with disgust.

I hate how you look so good one day,
and then the next,
a huge mess.

Your complexion is porcelain,
your legs,
are fat.
Your eyes,
they resemble the sea.
Keep doing that,
your ribs will show so much, they might snap.

******* reflection you haunt my exsistence,
you're my best friend but reflect my worst nightmare.
Pinch the fat and push the food away,
keep doing that your skin will be ruined.

Don't love yourself you'll stop making progress.
I don't want war, but what do I want.

As we walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
The only thing we can do is do our best,
On the journey of life there is no map quest,
But you do have a compass beating inside your chest,
Unfortunately life isn't an open book test,
Thankfully life is what you decide nothing more, nothing less,
To live serenity all your short comings you must confess,
There's not much more to say and so I digress,
Through out the world beats one singular pulse,
You think your a lost cause and I say that's false,
To understand you must rise up off your knees,
Wake up and feel the magic in the breeze,
Its time to live up to your full potential,
Inside your being awaits the ultimate credentials,
Ill tell your exsistence is not one forsaken,
Im sorry but this resistance has you mistaken,
Our mission is one that is never over,
You can definitely make it without a four leaf clover,
Just ignore the little demon perched up on your shoulder,
Spirituality is being drunk on ego working to get sober,
Hold on positivity endures,
Thats hope and its the one wonder cure,
Lets walk hand in hand on our way through the unknown,
We are lost together just following the bread crumbs home.

Oh how the mighty have fallen,
Fallen from their self proclaimed heights
Built upon cracked and half crumbling foundations.
And I stand before myself to gawk at the pitiful sight.
A shameful disposition amid the rubble, self admission.

How wise I was before!
How wise was I before?
Beg I ask myself, knowing of course the answer.
Not wise, not wise at all.

But did I see it coming?
Could I predict my own end?
Had I knowledge but chose to pretend?
Perhaps...

Somehow I feel another me.
Beside the Crumbled and the Gawker.
The old, outspoken, grey-bearded me
Stands there and shakes his head.
He knew all along it would come to this, said all along.
And all along I did ignore.
Pretended not to hear, but somehow heard.
Knew he was there, probably right, but I didn't care.

Deep in my subconcious mind did these inner me's converse
In a place outside of time, outside of space.
Somehow I recognise these words I told myself.

The unhealed man should not choose to build upon himself.

Time can not heal the wounds hidden from the light
Hidden out of sight. Left, to be an empty space
Covered over, but not erased. Never erased
But soon forgotten, until the Time of Rumbling

We all have such holes I know.
All have built upon ourselves and forgotten (or ignored)
That lies and misdeads lie beneath us,
Holding us up as we reach always higher.

Because of time, we have no time.
Because of fear, we have such fear!
We choose to build upon ourselves,
Not to heal, not to see whats clear.
But our future has long been spoken of,
By that older, white bearded self
Who, all knowing but outspoken,
Warns us of our doom.

So I urge you, as a crumbled man,
As a man gawking upon his crumbled self,
To tend to your soul, to resolve your wrongs,
Before building once more yourself.
To be healthy in pureness of pure exsistence.
To breath fresh air of honesty and truth honestly,
And to reach for selfless love, self-lovingly.
Then and only then, is it right to build again.

You're just the right person
to put me back together,
and make every tiny little piece fit.
But this isnt a puzzle
Its broken glass,
shattered so bad,
that some fragments are like sand
Each shard sharp enough
to draw blood

Even if
You somehow got past
The bigger, sharper moments
And laid them out on the table
They still wouldnt all fit together
Theres just certain
things that dissintegrated
when I was dropped from far too high
Far too young, to understand why
There are still things missing
That will never fill the gaps
Even all super glued stuck together
I cant help but notice the cracks
I'll never be anybodys
perfect shiny new baby doll
And that fact alone,
Continues to let me fall

But **** it all and **** it!
I'll smoke myself to sleep
Why do I need a warm body when I've got substances to keep me feeling like
Theres some kind of
sustenance to my exsistence
some sort of end all to this life long mission
For Ive never had the expectation to do anything academically ambitious
Or even societially accepted- even thats not much to gain.
My own mother cant accept the offspring shes produced, even to this day
And even if she started now, at this point, what could I really say?
Thank you for finally saying that after
all the ******* and yelling
and screaming and violence
its all just gonna be okay?
Like we could pretend we've had a relationship for years on years building
Just her showing a tad of affection
to me is a little chilling
I cant justify it if i tried
a hurricane inside
That being said
Its all just in my mind.

(i write more stories than poetry and that's the opposite purpose as to why this website was created but hey as long as im expressing and portraying a story with many words that still counts for something, i suppose)
i keep to myself most days, it's very rare hearing me talk because my head is always peeped in my book. don't get me wrong, i have no problem starting a discussion with someone or joining in on a conversation that by the end of it i'll have realized i walked in on the wrong conversation. although i dont talk to many people, there's a huge possibility that ive analyzed the things they do that make them peculiar and esquisite at being them. from the way a person eats to the way they walk or even the way they breathe. i fall in love a good ten times a day. not to be interpreted the wrong way, i don't fall in love like an i crave you at two am kind of love but more of an i appreciate your exsistence and think you are a wonderful human being kind of love.  i wonder if someone has ever analyzed me the way that i analyze others. what a remarkable feeling that would be.