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دema flutter May 2014
Those days,
in the mornings,
I stay longer in bed.

Just gazing ,at the ceiling,
Trying to , forget
Those nights.
;I'm unable to dream.

Just over thinking,
to the point,  I fail to
silence my thoughts,
and
my eyelids are denying sleep.

Those times,
I feel
extraneously not exisiting,
I stand still , watching everything,
fall into place, nor fall apart
unaware* that time is still going,
and I'm just s t u c k.

in; This world,
I have gone underestimated.
Told I should go in others' path.

That my faith isn't good enough,
that I am too weak, too weak,                                                     @DemaaMu
that for my own sake,
I should listen, to their commands.

But I can never go any other way than the path I am destined to go on .

So I just lay in bed;
sick of pretending, someone I am not,
sick of people changing my identity,        

And in this life, in this world in those times in those days and nights,
I have gone, **unknown.
David Bojay Jul 2022
too many lies have made me blind

i'm just trying to make myself feel and be better, but i wasn't a great partner.. always two sides to the story

she pointed out things i already knew about myself, i'm not perfect but i try to be patient with myself... if I could I would've rushed the process

i'm worth it, yes... i think... but sometimes it doesn't feel like i'm worth my next breath of air

i've always had an issue with that until it backfired, one bullet turns into 100

right at me, if they were real i wouldn't try to dodge

questioning the "logic" behind these emotions

imaginary weight? but it's dragging me down before the sun rises again

i don't have anything to believe in, i'm not the one for her... is what she's decided

nothing is right for me... after endless mental agony

facts don't make me feel better, but it's good to be honest

always better to be honest... things are **** at the moment

there's nothing to do but live through it again

i was... dumb to think otherwise

they say to step away at first sign, but you always want to try to fight it

for the sake of making things work, even if they don't

i've given up plenty of times, this time it feels like i shouldn't again

when i should, again

here it comes

i get it, i get it

ahhhhhhhhhhh

yes i'm flawed... i know... i'm still... growing eww

sooner or later

"just let her go"

it's so simple... she's vanished

and it wasn't meant to be, but i thought she was the one to settle down with afterall

she's hung up on an image, multiples

if it makes me feel better, believe it

she just wasn't into me

just focus.. on living, not just exisiting

imagine loving someone that doesn't love you back

thinking about a certain future that's been taken away


my mind is lost right now.... i'll let it run for a bit until i can catch upppp


dreams unlived


i dreamt about our kids last night and I forgot to tell you


an ending with too many photos to feel alive to
Danielle Shorr Dec 2014
Nature doesn't let
Cement stop it
From growing
It still manages
To peek out
Through sidewalks
And concrete
Nature doesn't let
Anything stop it
From exisiting

So tell me,
What's your excuse?
karen hoose Sep 2010
Nobody does that
I say at once
ken doll is weird
mumbling and all.

I am saying nada
and it sounds sweet
he makes noise when he
is just exisiting....

I am not trying
to say anything like
i am somehow something
deserved of recognize

but i will say now
i am much more than
what i am ignored for
it makes one think and

i am going to water
when i am asked cuz
i think it sounds lovely
and i care not -
****
hogi/kendal inspired 8-31 spontaneous work AGAIN unedited 9-1-2010
Heliza Rose Dec 2013
Now i watch you twirling around

Your self esteem wont touch the ground

''Wow i look perfect just as always''

And i feel like strangling you just as always

But a mirror with no other job

I stay there watching you smile

not watching you sob

You're never exisiting pain

And your forever arrogance

Makes me want to watch you dance

on sweet sweet broken glass.

No respect

short little nonesense

As you think you're queen

But i am royal

and will remain forever so

I am the mirror

the torture of your soul.
Mallory May 2018
It's the way I drink my coffee now.
Not watered down, with cream and sugar,
but cut back,  
raw,
and strong.
I don't think it's wrong
to deny myself of this sweetness,
It only weighs me down anyway.
I'm used to it like this
now, anyway.

It's the way drinking translates
a moment to a dream state.
Every interaction flows
then fades,
like grade
school memories.
Existing outside the realm
of reality.

It pulls away, like it doesn't belong to me.
Like it needs room to breathe.
It sleeps,
and sleep talks,
and sleep walks,
then it wakes me up
and doesn't rest for days.

It sits, and waits,
until it's earned its place again.
It learns patience,
from a lot of practice, stretching itself thin.

It is stubborn,
and broken,
but it knows it.
And persists anyway.
This is not resilience
It is the weeds in my garden,
but it is beautiful anyway.
It only knows exisiting like this now, anyway.
Chasing living nightmares,
suffering hell without a care,
baring my heart in the dark,
these days it's hard to tell anyone apart,
running through these fires
dark webs in my mind,
wondering if I've come too far
& if there's enough time
to just run where exisiting isn't so hard,
steadily beginning to believe
I'm where I'm meant to be,
roaming where the wild things are
fiachra breac Jun 2019
Exisiting in yet another space between
Two worlds, two lives.
Searching for some new meaning -
Or running from old demons?

Trapped in the divide, between
This and that,
anseo agus ansin.

Torn, tattered, stuck in an lár:
Teanga, life, baile, love.

Falling to pieces

Clawing at - clawing at what’s left,
What is left?

Left is the eight months since you did -
Not that that affects me anymore
(He lies to himself),
It’s just a marker, a buoy -
keeps me on course.

Struggling to see what's right,
What is right?

"If it feels good..."
I am uncertain - but I don't feel peace.  
Conflicted, definitely, and yet I don’t cease

Meddling in things I have no right to meddle in:
lives and loves and people -
Human beings.

Can you not see the damage this will cause?
Not you, but those who you misuse -
You are an evil, twisted little boy

Trapped in this space between
Right and wrong;
My twisted actions and my convicted mind;
Him and me.
wor(l)ds blur into each other

i detest what i am yet i do nothing to suppress it

_________________________________________

dated may 2018 // ó bealtaine 2018

strangely prophetic.
Maddie Lane Mar 2016
here we are,
strangers
exisiting
in the same city
.
I don't remember
what you felt like
what your smile was like
if you ever made me smile
I only remember
feeling betrayed
feeling angry
feeling lost
I cannot say that I care
because I don't
I think
we loved being in love
but you were far too volatile
which taught me to be
docile
.
I don't
hold many regrets
but
I regret
so much of the time
I wasted on you
Jiya Verma Nov 2017
I'm more than alright
Good and going
Remembered your touch just once
Maybe a few times
Maybe more than often
Or maybe in every heartbeat.
So much it hurt painfully
But when you've lost purpose
Everything becomes bearable.

Still stare at the mirror
Imaging your dear reflection behind my own
Walk right on in and I'm smiling
Sudden pulsating turnaround
And it's not you there - just empty space.
But when no reflection seems beautiful enough
Everything becomes bearable.

So I continue staring into empty space
At the plain coffee table, all alone
Gorgeous eyes materialise before mine
And a reassuring smile
Whispers 'Told you I'd be back.'
Instinctive fingertips reaching out
Caress the cheek like I once used to
But thin air is all it is
Daydream is all it is
Fooling visions and wishes
Illusionary, yet so pretty
You're there but you're really not.
But when any exisiting thing
Feels fake at the touch
Everything becomes bearable.

Still wonder about you in the afterlife
How your ghost keeps coming back
Perhaps you're in a better place now
Perhaps you're not even real anymore.
But when every coming day
Passes by like a movie
Everything becomes bearable.

Crying to sleep each night
Clutching tight old t-shirts and frames
What went has gone for good
But the past doesn't go away.
Memories and nostalgia
Nauseating yet addicting
Adrenaline running high
Then floods back down with regrets
But when you've begun counting breaths
Everything becomes bearable.

They think I've gone crazy
Smiling at what doesn't seem funny
Addicted to what isn't very pleasant
Talking to who doesn't really exist
And it doesn't **** you
It takes you.
But when opinions stop counting
No tear comes a surprise.
When pain isn't a word in your dictionary
Everything becomes bearable.

Wasting away at tearfuls
Vapourising at the flick of each bottle
It isn't pain that has displaced my roots
It's just you.
But when sweet and bitter taste the same
Everything becomes bearable.
When you'd rather pause than see another day
Everything becomes bearable.
Ind Mar 2020
A repeated feat, just as dusk lusts for dawn:
Nights blend seemlessly with the days they seek.
Infatuation to the greatest degree
because if it was love, they'd have found a way to suceed.
Sun would share the sky with stars,
a liminal space split in half.
The ultimate comprimise for exisiting.  
When will the missing them dull to an ache I can bare?
or is this the price?
Would the abscene of pain simply mean the abscene of them?
because if so,
I'd rather dispare in the knowledge that just like the dawn,
I'm cursed to an eternity one step before them,
forever casting shadows.
Escapril day 1

— The End —