forever is a temporary promise
people are a temporary comfort
nothing lasts forever
especially people

Don't you ever wonder why I haven't contacted you? Why it was so easy for me to give up my best friend?
I wanna write beautiful poetry about us, about our love but the truth is it was all a facade and it was ugly and deceptive and it will never make it to the movie screens. I used to think you were an angel sent from above to take care of me, to fix me up, but all you ever did was break me into smaller puzzle pieces and you know I've never been good at solving puzzles. I've never been good at anything but loving you until I realized there was one person better at it; you. You were the best at loving you all along and that's how you broke me. And that's why I can't contact you. Because you broke me and I'm still not whole and until I'm whole I could fall back into your web of lies, intoxicated by desire for a love that never was.
You know, I always liked blue eyes until I memorized yours
And now I can't seem to get them out of my head

Smug with the knowledge of who you really were
And who I really am
And why we really aren't
Anymore

Lately I find myself choking on the lies you fed me,
Gasping, gagging, heaving them out
I can finally  breathe in the air of truth that has been sealed from me for so so long
Like the instantaneous dread of having bills sent to your home,
Only to take a closer look and realize it was addressed to someone else
Like believing you may have let the best thing that's ever happened to you slip from your fingertips,
Only to find out they let you slip months earlier,
When they had a little more fun at that party than they had mentioned
With a girl that wasn't you

You can change situations but you can’t change people
2. Your gut feeling is there for a reason; listen to it and trust yourself, know yourself, impress yourself
3. Know who your true friends are. Most people are just using you, curious about you or want something from you. true friends aren't perfect but they genuinely care about you, make you want to be a better person, and support you; really that’s all you can ask for
4. It’s amazing what talking to people can do; take a chance
5. Taylor Swift songs will never not be relevant to your situation
6. At the end of the day, the only people truly there for you are your family
7. Stop being so ******* yourself. Remember that you see everyone else’s highlights and only your own behind the scenes; imperfection is beauty anyways
8. Don’t let any other people’s opinions influence your own; be your own person and make your own choices about anything and everything
9. Relationships aren’t everything; focus on loving yourself before you decide to invest in someone else
10. Your own mental health and physical well being come before everything else. Period.
11. Assignments are temporary and memories last forever but people don’t so always make time for the people you love
12. Know what you deserve and don’t settle for less in all aspects of life
13. You can’t please everyone so stop trying and focus on yourself because that’s the only person you are truly with 24/7
14. It’s okay to say no and it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes and it’s okay to remove negative people from your life
15. The right choices are never the easy choices and lessons are never learned the easy way
16. The hardest realization to come to is the realization that someone doesn’t care for you the way you care for them

"I don't need you in my life, but I want you. That's the difference. I can survive without you, but why would I want to? Everything's better with you around."

You don't need me?
But only weeks ago did the air you breathe consist of my lips pressed against yours
And wasn't that oxygen the best kind?
You don't need me
But once upon a time you chained my body so tightly to yours and refused to unlock me from your arms
And now does my absence from your embrace haunt your empty shape?
You don't need me
But not long ago our hours melted together
time only freezing long enough for me to fix my gaze with yours
And now are your dreams haunted with the imprint my bright blue eyes left in your mind?
I hope they are.
I hope you remember it all, every word, every look, every insignificant detail, in screaming clarity
so loud it's impossible to ignore
I hope you remember my hands in your hair, my legs wrapped around your hips, my kisses down your neck, my whispers in your ear
I hope you get shivers thinking of my smile, my laugh, my tiny shape
I hope you bitterly regret making me feel anything less than your perfect girl
Because you're not my perfect guy
& you'll never ******* lips, you'll never steal my oxygen, you'll never press my body into yours
ever
again
And I hope that knowledge is why you cannot sleep at night
Because I sure as hell can't with all my memories of you

7 minutes pass by

a flash of light captures your gaze
pulling you back into reality
out of the daydreams filled with words that were never spoken
you reach for the phone
holding your breath
smug with the thought of the content in the message that lit up your screen

your smirk fades
almost faster than the hope in your heart

it wasn't her

13 minutes

but you were so clever weren't you?
you know her like the back of your hand
how could she resit replying?
how could the anger not boil right through to the tip of her fingers
causing her to-

38 minutes

your fingertips flash red
matching the colour of rage in your heart  
all you wanted was to see the words that flowed from her mind
her beautiful mind
imprinted onto your screen
so that maybe, just maybe
her soft voice would reply in your mind once more

72 minutes

a tear rolls down your cheek
your rage has melted into a puddle of water
like the thunderstorm that turns to rainfall when it can no longer handle being angry at the earth

86 minutes

realization washes over you
she doesn't care.
you can't fill her with an anger that will make steam pour from her ears
if she no longer drinks the water to fuel the steam
you cannot cut holes through her heart
when its already been sliced like Swiss cheese
you cannot tell her you love her
after she stopped counting the minutes it took you prove it

I fell in love with the boy your words made you out to be
but the truth laid behind your poetry

The bitter-sweet chill of November air reminds me of the moment my eyes met yours
and something inside me whirled brighter than the fall leaves
masking the chilly air
the warning a snowstorm would soon approach
and hit me harder than your words ever could

But how was I to know I would one day memorize the curve of your lips,
as they smiled so delicately against mine
and the way your hands pulled me closer into your embrace,
engulfing me
like the lap of the ocean's waves
right before the tsunami hit

How am I supposed to forget the way your strong hands felt running through my hair,
desperately trying to finish the race,
frantically scrambling to cross that finish line
strands of chestnut hair impairing your vision
to the sparkling blue eyes
wanting
and the burning in your thighs
aching, growing stronger,
until you finished
that
race

How am I supposed to erase the feeling of your lips,
one with mine
the taste of Listerine,
and wanting more,
on your tongue

I remember the way you looked at me with those haunting eyes and award winning smile
as if you were Brad Pitt and I was Angelina Jolie
as if you were The Green River Killer and I was your next victim
as if you actually gave a **** about me

I remember your touch,
soft
curious
desperate
venturing places no one had ventured before
exploring my boundaries,
in more ways than you could ever comprehend

I remember your letters
filled with those words
I fell so hard for

But now the pen is in my hands
the fall leaves have turned into winter snow
my lips no longer belong with yours
and the race is long lost

I have lived months absent of your lips
your stares
your touch
and now?
the truth lies behind my poetry