So I started reading my poems today
The ones I posted since my first Sunday

Seems to me that I suffered a lot
I was upset and wanted to spill some blood

I'm better now, I really am

Writing poems was an escape
A path that I had to take

I'm glad for everything I wrote no take backs
It's how I felt, true, raw and dark

Thank you for everyone who was
there
Without you non of these I could bear

I have class to take
I have love to make
I have places to visit
Taste the wine, so exquisite
I have people to see
I have passion on me
I have the sun and the sea
I have the birds on the tree
I have the dogs in the park
Catching the ball and bark
I have beautiful friends
Talking all night no ends
I have a fire in my soul
I thought I forgot but not at all
I'm finally free
Oh the sun and the sea
Soon it will be summer
I'll be so bronzed no wonder
Soon I'll be so free
No pain will weigh on me
So much I can share
The life, the love, the care

You are who you are, I am who I am, nothing will change
And now our fake love ..estranged
I just HAVE to move on for God's sake!
I'm tired of wasting my self, no more to take
It's finally time for my soul to feel free
I can't move, I count to three..
One : "breath"
Two : "let it sink in"
Three : "exhale slowly"
Oh..my...word, Holly Molly!
Do something for me, why do I need to suffer?!?
It's not enough what I've done?
What else do I need to learn?
They say every step is a lesson
I haven't written in a while, I'm a mess on and on..
Trying to write a poem, I followed you again
I'm trying to find your new girlfriend
Where is she what's her name?
Will she bear your child one day?
Something I was always afraid of was that I never mattered to you.
And it seems that this is my lesson :
I need to love myself more than I ever loved you..

Yesterday I felt good about myself
I thought I looked good in that dress
Today I saw a video of me
And my self esteem went down, I'm down on my knee
I'm working so hard to maintain,
A good physic my self to entertain
My self to be proud of
My self to not be worn off
I count calories every day
A limit I set to always obey
A workout regim to never look pass
Only walking, not taking the bus
I find my legs so thick why?
I find my arms so flabby, No I deny
I'm gonna try to push some more forward
To not give up on this trip, only onward

Don't have much to say
Just writting, my heart to obey
Everything hurts so much today
Everything falls along, but not my way

I, a slay..
A clueless little girl, so gray
No way for me to go, affraid
Scared and alone once more, no hey!
Can't believe what my eyes saw today

Why do I feel so alone again, Sunday
Another week has passed away
I'm scared to ask for help, I pray

My lips where yours, your prey
My hips you touch, no shame
Is that your new girlfriend, Fray?
I can't believe what I saw today..

You're just another ******* hidden under the name of God.
You're soon to be 40
I'm nowhere near 30
I hate you so much now, I only wish you bad
I hope you'll die soon, wasn't your plan to be closer to God?
All your ******* stupid beliefs broke us apart.
And I feel a LOSER falling in your trap of love.
I hope you'll read this and understand that you shouldn't exist
A mistake you were always, an angry ******* beast.

I dont need a boyfriend
I'm good on my own
I've got my friends
For my love to show

I need the love from people who care
I would never let them feel in dispair.

I will do all I can to make them feel good,
Enjoying our time in our neighbourhood
My girlfriends smiles are so sweet and kind
Makes my heart flatter with happiness never mind-
Whatever comes your way always remember
The ones who where there from the start of your life, remember!

I write because I have nothing else to do
And now your missing feels deeper than before
I need to bring you back somehow

I miss you more each day and more

I still can't believe that you're gone

And I feel more and more alone

Whatever others say you were my little brother

And my heart aches so much..
always blaming my Self
What could I have done more?

What will I do without you to adore?

You were the best thing that ever happened to me

7 I was when we met.

Atleast you're in a better place now baby, I miss you endlessly

I wish I could bring you back

But I promise we'll meet again in heaven,
Because that's where you belong.

Our first month was our start
So we can't say it was good or bad

Our second month was apart,
Far away but still our start

Our third month brought us together
To the forth we said forever
Even if for so long, we weren't together

Now entering the fifth,
I can't wait for the sixth

And seventh will follow
Our hearts will never be hollow

Eighth will pass
And ninth here it was

Tenth already feels like a bliss
Eleventh closer to the beach

And twelfth, look its already a year!
How time has passed dear oh dear

Will each year feel this way?
Time after time closer to our day?

May we always find shelter in the eyes of eachother
May we support and thank God for one another

It hurt so much to not hear from you
So I decided to disappear from the sight of you

To let you alone, let you think well
Until your heart and mind feels better

I dont know if it's the right thing to do
Been trying my best to keep the best part of you

Another day, I dont want to deal
I dont even know how to make our goals ideal

Maybe you're out, maybe you're not
Maybe I'm online and what not

Haven't spoken properly in days
Will you care more about me if we part ways?

My love I'm sorry my heart is in pain
And I can no longer live in vain

A little girl you wanted, a little girl to adore
Now that you have her you want more?

Some days I'm happier,
Some days I'm sad,
But in the end, I'm all I have.

Some days I'm up
Some days I'm down
And when the sun is up, I go around.

I stroll and stroll, to find a fall
To find a mountain so tall and all.

What is to be a woman
What is to be a man,
Could I find the answer, Hidden inside the sand?

Perhaps inside the mountain
Where my heart will lead
Perhaps inside a fountain
Water so powerful and pure indeed.

May my sadness stay for an hour
May my sadness come and go
May all my mistakes be delivered
So that I too I can let go.

And with this short madness of mine I finally finish
I didn't expect this to be so long, left nothing to diminish.

Goodnight to you goodnight to all
I promise you everything will find its place once and for all.

I'm tired I really am
No love for me in hand

I touch my self to fill the void
Even if deep down I am destroyed

I can't fix what's left of me
And I'm down on one knee

The other can't bend is broken
Actually all of me is, broken

I'm just 22! Can you believe it?
Is pain less painful when older?

Am I bringing myself this stupid pain
Am I complaining for no reason in vain?

Does anybody hear me, I cry for help
Alone, alone, alone, I' m angry! Help

I'm having a panic attack every once is a while
And right now is one of those days, again I go wild

I'm writting a poem again here I am
laying on the bed now, laptop in my hand
I wanted to say thank you for all, once again
And I wanted to say I'm blessed yes, again and again

So many things have happend so fast So quick
But who should I thank, will you say "pentru nimic"?
From all the good days which one should I pick?
Until tomorrow comes, tonight will be quiet- tick

I have a part in me that's worried and scared
A part that's there and does go no where
A small piece laying within alone, spared
Its like my mind always says, "be prepaired"

But the good in the world doesn't let me stand behind
The good in us is so beautiful, im not blind
I know we can be better together combined
And our future awaits for us aligned.

I feel love in different ways than you do
And if your hands don't touch me, then i can't touch you

I need love deeper than what i tell and show
And when we're together i swear that i want more

I wish love cause i dont have someone else
They don't touch i cant i dont let my friends

When will this need of me stop?
I feel so lonely on skin body heart top

My mouth is sealed my eyes just stare
Alone i hold my hands what can i bare?

I'm tired and i want to cry so often all the time
But is it your fault or do i just complain and whine?

I'm tired really, a lot i want to release
And no matter what i do, i cant find inner peace.

I wish you were right and the word love was enough
I'm sorry, I am , i want so scream, this poem is so rough

I thought writting this will make me feel better already
But it didn't I swear I'm just staring at my screen angry and unsteady

I don't think I'm ever finding my wish
I just want to crawl in my chest and die, *******