My heart being pressed,
my soul being crushed,
I am unable to breathe,
I am unable to stand,
what's happening to me!!!

Am I getting lost
or simply out of my mind?
what's rising within me?
a whirlwind of thoughts
or a whirlpool to drown me!!!

everything seems blue,
and i have no clue.
Can someone help me?
Can someone sort it out?
how to get these things out!!!

"Keep smiling and dreaming" you wrote,
The ink on the page glistening like a
star in the sky as you slowly became
my universe.

That was so long ago,
back when you were the
cause of my sweetest smiles,
and yet,
I find my lips curving upwards still
when I trace your words with my fingertip,
The warmth between us rushing back with the
high of nostalgia, but the
low of longing slyly creeps in slowly after.

"Keep smiling and dreaming" you whispered,
But my smiles become a sigh
And my dreams seem like a lie.

Curled up like a young pup
I snuggle into the safety of my bed,
the delicate scent of dreams
floating through my mind, and bringing
me to the comfort of
you.

Wrapped in your arms
I feel as if nothing can hurt me,
The protector of my heart
shielding me from pain,
Until at last you pull out your sword and
make my love for you bleed,
As you're not really there.

The breeze from my window
caresses my cheek while I lie
paralysed, and I reach out,
rabid for your touch but instead I
clutch at the cold wisps of wind that
tease me, as
You're not really there.

If I think too hard

I can still feel their hands on my body
Four of them rubbing and squeezing and grabbing my skin
Desperate for my oblivious being.

If I think too hard

I can still feel the scratch of his stubble
As his skin rubs mine
And the other caresses me
Taking away my control.

If I think too hard

The world still spins
I can hear the moaning
And the distant sounds of nature
Outside of our tent, but so far away from my reality.

If I think too hard

I can hear their comments of praise
To each other
As I lay there blind drunk
And they do with me what they please


If I think too hard

I try desperately to shield the memory,
The three of us entangled
And together,
A trio of drunken disgrace.

If I think too hard

I cringe and cry
And my legs clamp shut
Disgusted at my stolen consciousness
And forever violated by my memory.

If I think too hard

I hate myself for what happened
I hate him for being drunk
And I hate the other for being selfish,
Breaking my heart and my trust

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Words are dead!
there I said it
words are dead
the words in your head
are in the past
the words that you said
will not last
fireworks that attract the eye
liar's words in the mind
an explosion of language
and then silence
they do so much damage
and cause violence
chasing words
feeling tiredness
healing words
are band-aids on the soul
a soothing to the ears
they're dropped in empty holes
for who hears?
who really listens?
words are dead
we have visions
images of creation
words are no salvation
just pointers
pointing to the infinite
still they loiter
words we can't forget
we hold them to our chest
like lifeless children
we always do our best
but the words **** them
and now all that's left
is dead...
dead words.