If he had been with me
I wonder if
It would have been
That different from fantasy

I am holding on to pieces of you
I have no business holding on to
Putting my lips on the same bottle
And calling it a kiss
Smile at you and dare call it friendly

*All I am is a liar.

I have taught myself how to block Lonely out
But sometimes it crawls in anyway and destroys me from within.

When I say the words
Come over
I never hear a positive
Yes
Or even a
Maybe
All I hear is the sound of your sigh

It breaks me everytime a little more
That I cannot
**Let
You
Go

We both look away
I walk up, look down
Pretend not to see
The gap in my chest
My heart in your hand
Casually slung over your shoulder
Like everything else
I ever gave to you.
*(and my pockets are full of empty promises)

It only takes a second to melt
To the sight of what once could have been.

Waking up is the worst part.

You asked me why I cared,
"Still."
I still do not know
What it is you wanted me to say.
After all,
You'd run away either way,
"Still."

I still have weird fantaisies about you and me
I wish
You were in my emergency contacts
When I get drunk
I have your name on my lips and my silence as a price
I walk on eggshells just to keep being your friend
I wish
I could stop, but drugs are a too tough
And I don't know how to quit you.

I am a great actress
If no one realized yet I am in tears
Everytime it rains somewhere

I have a universe inside my chest
Made of places and heavy stones
Memories
I am a black hole and when I stare at you
I know we are the same
I would recognize another black hole
From miles away.

When you call my name but still act the same
When you play a trick on me I'm ecstatic
If you feel good then you're delusionnal
It's not about the way you feel
When I'm in between
It's about the truths you say in the silence
*Afterwards

It's so right
But it's so wrong
The way you smile
Makes me feel strong

You can try
But you can't see
The words that I need
To feel free

We are all very lonely poets
Perhaps we should
Date each other.

I want what other people have
His and Hers keychains and romantic pennies,
Hand written letters on the pillow next to mine.
I want a goodbye kiss and goodnight hug.
I want it all

Why did we drop bombs on each other
Thinking it could bring peace?

When you said you couldn't see the stars
I thought
Liar
You must see them all for me
Describe the undescribable for someone who lives in darkness
But you looked and looked and never saw anything but a few pieces of sky
Broken on the side walk
Didn't pick them up
Never tried to fix it
You stared and let them turn to sand under the burning sun
You let me down

He is not the cause of my pain
I am the artisan of my suffering
However
He is the love dealer who gave me
The needles I use to puncture my skin
If only you didn't let me bleed
Would you tear my flesh apart
Or would you
Fix me
With little bandages on my punctured soul?

You paint the truths
With colors of lies

The universe whispers crazy secrets onto my skin
My eyes drink it all
And I raise my head towards the galaxies
For once,
Watching over me.

I want to be made of a tougher material than flesh and bones.
I want to look into your eyes and know my body is strong enough not to crumble.
I want my skin to be made of scales and fire,
So when you try to stab me in the back I can turn around
And watch you cower in fear because I am invincible.
I want your touch to be cold against the heat of my skin.
I want to burn you alive.
And when all you are is powder and smoke,
Dust in my hand,
Let me blow away the last remnants of your soul.
I want to smile and let the daggers in my hand disintegrate.
Let me loose my skin and create a brand new me you will never touch.
Let me be a dragon.

"It's like they will give you an answer", she whispered to the universe. "Like each star sings to you in another language. You may not understand, but you stay and listen to their quiet voices, knowing there is a solution." She trembled, moving to hold herself. She shook her head and let out a little laugh. "See, that's why I'm not one hundred percent happy. When I need someone to hold me, I'm the only one around."

People take moments for granted but

When you made a grab for my hand

I could see everything in slow motion

I miss wanting to be awake

I would stay up all night and hide under my cover and read till dawn
Then try very hard to pretend I had a good night of sleep
Truth was, I had the best night of no sleep.

I miss wanting to be awake

I would go to school and wait impatiently to go home
So I could bake a cake before my parents came back
I would mess it up, eat it raw, it was amazing

I miss wanting to be awake

I would keep my eyes open for hours if you would just text me once and
The smile on my face, nothing can compare
I would be the first one up because you were the last one down
And everything with us was a competition.

The distance, the courage
The sliver of skin and
The anger in your eyes
I turn away and pray
But the image just won't stay
In the land of memories
Picking paper apart
Ripping away the lies
Spreading the ashes
In places you used to take me
When there was still you and me

It’s not his fault
It’s not mine
Truth be told
I am sorry we
Didn’t make it till the end

You didn't let me
Win the war
Fought too hard
To win a battle
Already lost

Crawled back into my heart
When I realized your safe haven
Was no longer a paradise
But an evil place
Where all the demons
Hang around your

Every

Word.

When my voice doesn't rise to face the silence
...
It rings empty

Her smile is fallen snow
On the first day of winter,
A happy coincidence
You met her just at the right time, at the right
Place.
A happy coincidence.
She is home, a warm cup of tea in the middle of a blizzard.
She comforts you and her hugs are different, they
Lift
You
Up
But you look down and your feet are still touching the floor.
She is the one you call, when the snowflakes are begging
"Dress us up like a snowman,
My sisters and I want
To wear a smile, just for a little while."
You remind her to put on gloves; she wraps her scarf around you
Several times
Over,
So you will never be cold.
You forget to say that her presence is like home, a storm lantern in the middle of a blizzard.
You smile.
There is nothing else you can do.
She smells like home, and home is a bouquet of roses.

**Un parfum n'a jamais été aussi entêtant.

Her eyes are two galaxies full of secrets,
But you know with time she will reveal her past,
Confess her hopes for the futures and her dreams for the present.
You wait.
Like a wild wolf, she approaches slowly, it takes time but all you have is time,
Time,
A lifetime as she approaches and you raise a hand and watch as she
Unravels.
Speaks with confidence and a hint of vulnerability.
Instantly, you want to shelter her from the hurt of the world,
Shelter her for the pain, the rejection, the heartbreaks,
But the only shelter you have is the strength of your
Words,
The quality of your
Arms
Wrapped around her.
You hope, you pray,
*Please, God, let this be enough.

She never looks up
But I have imagined her smile to be
A thousand shades of
Happiness.

Her expression is calm
But her eyes are fierce
They light up with joy when I
Find her hiding behind
A thousand faces.

Clear blue eyes
Trained straight ahead
Skip through me
A step along the way... long...

...

...Forgotten.
Her past is red and black,
Coal and fire;
Her future is blue and white,
Opening her mind to a whole new
Sky.
She doesn't realize I am
Broken
Or perhaps she knows
But still she
Ignores.

He talks like he owns the sky
Speaks to the stars and
Controls the rotating planets

In his voice I hear
Inflexions of lies,
But my mind is caught by
The poetry in his gestures
The scent of rain and the hope he'll bring me
Sunshine.
The downpour is never ending but still
I hope.

You didn't look at me
When I said
Look at new horizons
You were already staring straight ahead
Breaking my heart
In a thousand
Pieces.

I didn't want him to love somebody esle
I wanted him to love me
I really wanted him to love me
Not that it matters now,
Anyway

Please explain to me
Why I'm so lonely