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Jun 2020 · 354
desperate
aspen wilde Jun 2020
desperately trying to extinguish the fire of my mind,
burning the pain on paper,
not on the edge of a knife.
Jun 2020 · 532
release so rewarding
aspen wilde Jun 2020
my skin opens up effortlessly
revealing the source of life behind
it seeps through the cracks
revealing its secrets to my mind
the burning sensation tingles
finally letting me feel the pain
the streak of red like no other
finally showing the world i'm insane
the sense of release so rewarding
letting me relax inside my body
this may not seem so healthy to others, i'm
letting you know i truly am sorry
Jun 2020 · 479
little shard of glass
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i run you through my fingers,
waiting for my response.
your surface smooth as water,
your blade sharp as ice.
your blue tint reflecting my sadness,
your cracks revealing my anger.
still waiting for my answer,
i place you down admiring your beauty.
little shard of glass,
nothing else can cut so smoothly.
i think about it,
can i be that strong
as to not rip you through my skin,
and watch the validation seep out?
watch your red army attack my clothes,
staining the white the deepest crimson?
i think i'm done deciding,
what will i do- only time will tell.
you once were so innocent
though now stained with red.
i took your life from you
like you itch to take mine from me.

- credit to Sylvia Plath for the red army reference
-- see 'Cut'
Jun 2020 · 238
let me in
aspen wilde Jun 2020
my head rising and falling as you breathe,
not wanting to be that heavy burden upon your chest.
my cheek pressed to your side,
i can feel you beating, i can feel your life.
my eyes, glossy, watch your neck pulsate,
knowing the warm, loving blood is running through your veins.
my hands grab at your shirt, longing to feel our bond,
your hands twitch and tap, as you've drifted off.
my sensitive ears take in your torturous breaths,
piercing the air, screaming like gunshots, hungry for her love.
you pull me in tight, cradling my head,
tugging on my finger, snatching the string of my life.
this string is buried deep within me,
my umbilical cord, the one that wasn't stolen.
cut, biologically,
yet still waiting to be rightfully possessed.
now i'm giving it to you,
you've got my life, soft in your hands.
so grant me yours,
i'm begging, just this little thing.
i can save it,
just please, let me in.
a daughter desperately needing to save her true dad
Jun 2020 · 525
4:48
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i'm sick
broken
drowning
disintegrated
everything's so tight, closed off, heart clenching,
disembodied, bruises, strangled,
detonating, beautiful, strenuous,
driven down, hole, black,
peaceful, floral, dead,
fragmented, eternal, fluid.

and i'm invisible
only seen before the light
material
glowing thought the night
invisible
strangled by the white
invincible
appearing to the slight
4:48- credit to Sarah Kane's beautifully erratic play, provoking these emotions to come alive in my thoughts
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i tell everyone else to love themselves
and tell them they're worth it
but what about me?
forever talking people down off ledges
just pushes me off faster

i don't feel like i'm falling anymore
i feel like i'm dead
too far gone to save
what does that make me?
inside there's just a little girl waiting to be loved
... not by anyone else

... just by herself
Jun 2020 · 290
undeserving
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i don't want to let you down
i think i try but it's in my head
you don't have to forgive me
but you do
i'm sorry i let you down
i want to help, really it's true
but don't cut me slack
because it's undeserved
and you shall want it back
when you see me
Jun 2020 · 164
breathe because you can
aspen wilde Jun 2020
breathe
  let the wind take over
  feel the cool waves lap your skin
  taste the bitter salt
  and smell the rushing gusts that sing

breathe
  you are not alone
  embrace the storm
  feel it caress your face
  the touch electric as the lightning streaks

breathe
  you can do it
  the storm is by your side

breathe
  because you can
Jun 2020 · 429
pretty tears
aspen wilde Jun 2020
pretty tears guard my eyes
little jets of rainbows shoot when they fall
everything glistens, my face glows
crying is elegant they say.

fire burns my eyeballs
the hot lava turning my cheeks red
the world becomes icy, repelled by the heat
no, crying is raw.
Jun 2020 · 350
like sorry can cut it
aspen wilde Jun 2020
too busy feeling sorry for myself
to listen to them,
my pain hurts others in unforgivable ways,
when can I stop fighting this battle?
coz that's when I can stop fighting them

their trust and love
I don't deserve.
this battle isn't theirs,
its mine

I need to do what's right,
one touch and it's all gone.
then I can stop hiding,
stop fighting
against them.
breathe one last breath
they'll cry for a day,
but realise its all for the best

things will be easier
for them, not just me.
the war I'm fighting- over
I admit defeat

i'm sorry

like sorry can cut it

— The End —