I was raised,
in the outdoors.
Next to you and her.
One man holding a hand gun.
While She was giving birth.
To a younger boy to be just like you,
we still wonder what that's worth.
I wonder if you ever knew you was a role model to me first.
Some days I'd wake up in the morning, to see you in papers and the news.
While I'm looking in the mirror realizing I've got everything to prove.
You'd tell me;
You'll have the torch after me,
just grind hard and do you.
Which is funny now because I would only see myself in the rear view.

every day she wondered
"how many more times must
I be heartbroken before he
gets tired of it all and
finally sets me free"

I Never imagined this.
Everyday I'm getting older.
This California weather and myself both just got a little colder.
Deja vu.
My whole body see through.
Don't even want to go outside anymore.
Wishing and living Godspeed for my existence.
I'm far from perfect, which is why I can only speak to and relate to the lost and distant.
I Love You Through Everything will get my back consistent.
I've been a historical disaster for longer than this instant.
I had to leave before the summer was over.
Pack my bags along with my heart and threw it over my should.
Move forward.
Find yourself.
A cross between being too emotional and being emotionless.
Bottle it all up and put it in the cold keep safe is all I know to not crash the ship.
But defense wins championships.
Make it to what feels so close.
To only find out I'm loosening my grip.
Can't even trip.
Pick up the pieces.
No Life in November, that's the feeling and date ironically the thesis.
I lost a lot.
I need more.
I need more drink.
Need more ice.
They say take chances in life so for once I rolled the dice.
But I lost one major but I'll forever at least try to fight and stand tall.
Was I working too hard?
Not enough...
Or not at all?

Sitting all alone, trying not to fall apart.
Why do I hate so much with all this love up in my heart.
Suppose to be flying high.
With my head up to the sky.
Far away, I'm on my own, staring st the crash phone, guess my minds gone.
Middle of the desert.
Ain't got no time to dust off.
Uncomfortably living, how much does this life of mine really cost.
Seeming close to nothing.
Need to find my niche or something.
Soon as time reveals, I'll pump it up like I'm Joe Budden.
But still cooling though.

Cooler than a ceiling fan.
In life, I'm just the middle man.
Chase your dreams they said, so I did but I never ran.
Now I'm sitting in the stands.
Hide my face, I use my hands.
Snapped back to reality and kept walking in the sand.

I've been up for hours, not really my choice.
I sold myself short, thirty percent off to the devil, I constantly hear his voice.
This isn't my life.
I should've settled for two kids and a wife.
But I got complacent.
Everything in those moments felt good so why not.
Now I sit.
In the dark.
Alone.
Depression deep down, I can feel it to the bone.
With nothing to call my own.
I really wanna go home.
Other side of the country just trying to build my own;
Throan.

I've made too many mistakes.
However, they all made me;
Somehow.
Blurred vision when I think of destiny.
Or maybe it's the fifth of Hennessy.
Why can't I just jump and know for a fact I got the remedy.

More life.
Longevity.
More juice.
I'm seeing two sides of me, but switching up or pick and choose.
I'm staring at a tree trying not to eat forbidden fruit,
While I'm sinking in the ground, could I be meeting my roots.
Maybe I should freshen up and clean my Georgia, Henry county unfilled shoes, just to get,
More life.
But I'm Only Human.

It seems like blessings keep falling in my lap...

I make poems for free, more so really on freedom.
Obstacles and demons surround me, Somehow I beat em.
Inspired by Chance, so I'm taking every chance like a rapper, moving through the chapters while doing my praising dance.

I started from the bottom.
Now I'm here, not the top.
Clothing brand, book and album, all ready to drop.
Jesus loves.
Jesus saves.
While we're stuck in our ways.
Let's all catch the wave, pray, hope and smile for better days.

Basically training but I've graduated.
Like the last kid getting picked, but I participated.
Patiently waited, for elevators, now I'm taking the stairs.
With every step I'm growing up that's why I cut my hair.

I'll give him praise, all the way til I'm gone.
Hopefully before deceasing, the family is on.
We'll eat good.
Thanksgiving, yet it's misunderstood.
Blessings on blessings forever, falling down like they should.

Dream works; Lion King
Simba talks to Mufasa.
That's when I pulled my pants up, and started fixing my posture.
Then looked up above.
I struggle with love.
Struggle with hate.
Hard to debate.
Leave and change when I fall But I still wanna participate.

22 in 10 days.
Turning 22, in 10 different ways
A different shade.
A midnight black, to a faded gray.
I opened this chapter.
Dressed for the rapture.
Run and tell master.
While they're telling Ima take it all to the pastor.
Or am I dreaming?
Wake up Wake up.
Time to break up, from the shake up.
Don't let em see you down,
Get dressed,
And put on make up.
I'm evolving.
Starving like Marvin.
Sky is still calling
My name ain't Jim Jones, but one day I'll be ballin'.

Will I give back?
No looking back.
Dashing that.
Getting older now; getting bigger, steady hungry trying to pick up the pieces.
Pledge of allegiance to the money now.
Now and forever.
Finesse, but I'm still not that clever.
One day I'll be; probably never.

And nowadays 22 is still declared young.
But that won't change me from growing, I won't settle for none.
Nowadays 22 can feel old or feel young.
With these 10 days left I know it's better to come.