His golden locks Time hath to silver turn'd;  
  O Time too swift, O swiftness never ceasing!  
His youth 'gainst time and age hath ever spurn'd,  
  But spurn'd in vain; youth waneth by increasing:  
Beauty, strength, youth, are flowers but fading seen;
Duty, faith, love, are roots, and ever green.

His helmet now shall make a hive for bees;  
  And, lovers' sonnets turn'd to holy psalms,  
A man-at-arms must now serve on his knees,  
  And feed on prayers, which are Age his alms:
But though from court to cottage he depart,  
His Saint is sure of his unspotted heart.

And when he saddest sits in homely cell,
  He'll teach his swains this carol for a song,—  
'Blest be the hearts that wish my sovereign well,
  Curst be the souls that think her any wrong.'  
Goddess, allow this agèd man his right  
To be your beadsman now that was your knight.

please don't take to heart what that bully said to you when you were 14, when you were just learning to survive and he told you to die. and it's okay to cry. bend you might, but break not quite. you'll be alright.

tomorrow, if not tonight.

© Melissa Carlson 2015

When your children
Near berserk us;

When the maitre de
Would disapprove;

When the pastor
Stops the service

To ask your cut-ups
To stop and move,

I shrug my shoulders.
Don't grow nervous...

I buy, of course,
Though they don't deserve it....

When the ice cream vender
Tries to serve us....

Not my monkeys!
Not my circus!

We're walking as the sun begins
Its morning rise behind the trees
Just past our house
Joe and I,
Pond on our right,
Cars to the left,
Hill path curving
Up and out of sight.
Morning smells,
The call of geese,
The morning voice of robins,
Cars rushing,
Loud and soft and loud.

Our morning walk,
The route we know...
And the routine.

We do not talk, he and I,
Alone in our heads,
He with his man,
I with my dog thoughts.

This path is the path of years,
Slower now,
Still connected with a leather leash,
We stroll convinced of nothing
But the need to walk.

This morning's different, though...
Joe stops halfway up the morning hill,
Houses and our house below...behind,
Says, "Tuck, old boy,
Should we change this time?"
Stoops to look into my eyes,
Unsnaps the leash...
To my surprise.

His smile lets me see
That I am free.
"No need, I think," he says.

I turn and look back
Toward our house,
Think of geese now standing
On the dewy grass,
Observe the sunlight
Glisten on the stand of corn
Beside us,
Remember past enticing smells
Along the way....
A rabbit scent invites me
Off the path to stray....

Joe's moving now,
On up our hill.
I am standing on the path,
A little shocked and still.

A younger dog would run,
But habit's set its track;
Our mutual walk lies up ahead,
So, faithful now, I move
To walk beside my Joe,
Content to travel with a friend,
And let the running go....

I barely woke this morning...
Could hardly get up.
My head was fuzzy,
and my nose was running....

I grabbed a hanky.

"What's wrong with you?"
My sweetheart said,
"You feeling janky?"

"Allergies," I paused.
"Nothing too swanky,"
And blew my schnoz
Into a hanky.

We've come to August
And late summer sun;
The apples hang robust;
The garden's almost done.
It's time to go and have some fun,
And now my nose decides to run.
The ragweed and the goldenrod
Fill up the air with pollen pods.

I'm gettin' cranky feeling janky!
I will thank ye to hand me a hanky.

Janky!

i want to be a child sometimes. i want to embrace life's experiences with an innocent smile and look upon others as though they were understood. i want to take back every sane thing i've said and just completely let go of everything that is keeping me from living my life as intense as i crave. because it's okay to not be okay. it is okay to want to change and be somebody else for a time; just promise me something:

don't let it overtake you, steal your soul, or trap your spirit.

you're beautiful, child, see the loveliness that rapidly grows. peace spreads like wildfire from your smile. joy is evident in your eyes; it demands to be seen.  pain, though felt, is NOT what defines you.  you have been remade, and i love you. i love you so very much.*


© Melissa Carlson 2015

Come a little closer and you will soon see
Run your fingers along the cracked parts of me

The cracks etch my thighs, hips, and *******
Each crevice: white, purple, and ruby red

What once was flat and smooth has changed
Bulges and ripples: new landscape

Voices continue to point my flaws out to me
The mirror screams failure; I choose recovery

Previously, these porcelain walls were kept neat
Prim and polished on the inside – pink squeaky clean

Now, this doll is filled with laughter and cheesecake
But the cracks in my mask are all on display

He tells me he loves every part of me
And stretched skin is a part of my story

But I cannot tell if I’m breaking my “perfect” shell
Or if I want to go back to my personal hell

heartbreaks are normal
you built a big wall
and shut me out

I am alone now
and I don't know how
to push you away

it's because I'm a girl?
I should expect this?
what was I thinking
about a long distance

so get out of my face
Before I punch yours
I don't deserve this
and I know for sure

it's not because I'm a girl

I wanted revenge
but when I did
I was put down

"did you think this through?
what did he do to you
to deserve that?"

he broke my heart
he tore it apart
what do you think

it's because I'm a girl?
I should except this?
what was I thinking?
he could be trusted?

You can't do better
And you know it's true
I've got one thing to say
I can do better than you

and it's because I'm a girl

I can stand on my own to feet
I burned all the pictures that you gave to me
I tore off the head of the stuffed monkey
and all those things you thought I would keep

because I am girl
I can fight for me
and the things that I believe

I may be a girl
Doesn't mean I am weak
when I said I love you
What did you take that to mean?

because I'm a girl
All the stereotypes
I was told I did wrong
Even when I was right

Because I'm a girl
Can't stand up for myself?
And if you think that
Find somebody else

Just when there was nothing more to say,
Just when I figured we were ending,
And rose to put the dishes all away...

You stuck your head inside my door,
Grinned that dumb old grin you've grinned before,
Said, "There's reasons why I've been so long;
Been working on a brand new song,
But skip all that and let's go out to play!"

Just when I was sure that you'd forgotten,
Just when I was making other plans,
Just when I'd called you something rotten...

You dropped a dozen roses In my hands,
Expecting me to forgive you all your crap,
Said, "Come on, Honey, I'm a sap;
Come on baby, please don't slap;
Let's go take another lap!"
And jitterbugged us out without my cap.

Just when I knew you were a *******,
Just when I knew that I'd been played,
Just when I bought an airplane ticket
To take me up and carry me away....

You proffered me a diamond ring;
You took my breath and made me sing,
You promised me another fling;
You set a date and were not late,
And then you heard me say,

"You made me wait, you made me pine,
I can't say now that we'll be fine,
But Lover, make it right this time!
You listen now and listen fine,
Can't stop my pout with vintage wine....
So think a while, and then start humming,
"If my lady's waiting, I'll start running!"
And if you're late from time to time,
You're never gonna hear me whine,
If you let me know just why and when,
And don't leave me wondering again!"