It was the 25th
which meant only one thing
a trip to grandpa's house
every 25th of every month
we traveled the 10 minutes
down the gravel road
to see my grandpa
and his rocking chair

man that rocking chair
sculpted from reddish brown wood
balanced perfectly
like a pedestal
I had never sat on it
just out of respect
I admired from afar
every 25th

my grandpa was always in that chair when I arrived
rocking back and forth
and forth and back
like Galileo's pendulum
rain or shine
snow or wind
when I pulled into that driveway
my Grandpa was in that chair

it fascinated me as a kid
like he was some video game character
programmed to do this mundane task
it was familiar
it was calming
but I grew older
and thought about that chair less
along with my family

but every 25th
even on a windy day like today
I'd travel down the gravel road
to see my grandpa
when I arrived the chair was rocking
back and forth
forth and back
but my Grandpa was not sitting

Time's weird
In the sense that
You only think about it
When you don't have enough of it

I'm drunk
and I wish you were by my side
but you're not
and that *****
but i'll be ok
I think

wind blows
and then it doesn't
you can't really anticipate it
it just happens

Why do i still care is probably too simple a question
it implies an easy answer like “her eyes” or “her smile”
but it isn’t that
it’s not love at least not yet i’m too young
so it isn’’t that
think think think
there’s been other girls
four in fact
but what did they not have?
what were they missing
what made them Roseline and not Juliet
does “it” exist? it’s possible i guess
maybe nothing tangible could account for what i’m feeling
i doubt it but it’s a possibility
So what is it?
Seriously(tension builds)
Maybe it’s because you still care
sure I only know because of the grapevine
but i’ll just assume it still counts


I refuse to believe im the Pip to your Estella
I’d like to believe I have too much pride for that
Pride pride pride
maybe that’s the answer
I messed you up pretty good the first time
but then again you did win round 2
so maybe it’s just a game
a game my mind is just set on finishing


Maybe you’re just evil
crazy i know
really crazy
lunatic crazy
but still is it that crazy a thought?
you say you love me when you don’t
you say you don’t love me when you do
you say you miss us
but somehow “I” am not included


Maybe I have simply ruined you for myself
I’ve built you up in my head
to be something you simply can not live up to
It’s hard to explain but to me at least in my mind
you are a different type of “perfect”
Flawed in all the right ways
proficient where it really matters
In my head you don’t make mistakes
In my head you choose me first so you don’t regret it later
In my head you act rationally
In my head I create fake things


So to answer my question I must decide on an answer
and i choose all of them
because that’s life
that’s what it is
you’ll meet a girl who you feel is perfect for you in every way
except for the fact that she isn’t
and it won’t make sense
and it will drive you crazy
and you’ll write some stupid poem at a late hour trying to find an answer to your question
until you realize it doesn’t matter
because you’re young and she’s young
because there are mistakes to be made
nights to be forgotten
people to meet
places to see
and all the while there is time to sit down
to really ponder and finally come to the conclusion
that You
yes You
are not the one I end up with

If you don't reply
you don't exist
if you do reply
you're not who they say you are

A boy and his father sat by a lake
fishing rods in the water
but no conversation in the air
the dad asked what he learned in school
the boy said nothing
as his hook remained afloat
ok the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

That boy became a teen
concerned with bigger things
like girls and homework
and designer jeans
he had his first date
but declined to tell his dad
that's fine the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

that boy became a man
who had a little trouble getting on his feet
he was afraid to go home
to the parents that raised him
he felt his failures were a disappointment
so he said he was fine alone
just know the dad said
one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me


That man landed a better job
and met the woman he loved
now he was secure
and everything was ok
He picked up the phone
and had so much to say
but it turns out that day
was one day

A plant grew in a forest
beginning as a sapling in a crowded opening
two inches tall
with no idea of what it was becoming
it rose slowly
but consistently
as others rose above it for light
it reaped the benefits of leftovers
this plant grew
not to be the tallest
not to be the prettiest
but it grew
It took in carbon dioxide
and released oxygen
it did its job
it was a good plant


eventually like most things this plant died
after being trampled by a young boy
this boy visited this forest everyday
its nature was his greatest toy
he knew the surroundings by heart
from the tallest tree to the smallest shrew
he saw all in his dreams
he knew all the plants save for a few
one of those few was our plant
although it stood tall, it was not tall enough
although it was pretty, it was not pretty enough
it died unremarkable
it was a good plant
it did its job
but it died without a trace
because it never risked to take another's place


and so the boy grew older
he left the forest for an office
in the hopes that one day
he’d be rich enough to return
so he climbed the ladder
and said all the right things
he was a good man
he did his job
until he met a girl
a girl so powerful
so unmistakably perfect
he had to rise above the others
he left his job because he hated it
he stood tall to reach the sun
he took risks not because he had to
but because he wanted to


this man died poor
he did not succeed
there was no beverly hills
no millionaire mansion down the street
this man never climbed that corporate ladder
never got lost in the rat race
never missed the birth of his son
never broke a promise to that boy
he took a risk he shouldn’t have
an unnecessary leap of faith
he looked back on his past
the trouble he left in his wake
he remembered that plant
the one he didn’t see
the reason he is who he is
the man who became a tree


take risks because you should
because one day you will die
buried under dirt
while your life has passed you by
life is too short
too precious
to be a good man
to just do your job

She left me
I never thought she would
I don't know what I did
and she wouldn't wait to tell
I went out that night
I never do
well now it's never did
it became routine
arrive at 9
drunk by 10
home by 1
escorting my visitor out by 9
you know most times
I never learned their names
I never wanted to
too personal

personally I think I'm fine
I don't think about her as often
and if I do I drink
until the thoughts subside
the pain drains away
only to refill itself
every morning I'm woken up
by the same pain I'd avoided
the night before
but over time it lessened
my mind learned it's lesson
it forgot how to love
I stabbed myself the other day
and was surprised to see I bled
the pain didn't register
as I lay another woman that isn't her to bed

It's crazy ya know
how everything I own
can just be wrapped up in boxes
trophies and awards
pictures and accomplishments
all tucked neatly away
my favorite pens and pencils
stuffed into burlap sacks

it's almost like it wasn't real
the first 18 years of my life
like it was all a game
that no matter what I did
I'd end up here
the only difference being
how many trophies
were neatly tucked away

like my whole life has been a checklist
like I was nothing extraordinary
there is nothing more dehumanizing
than being able to put everything you love in a box
it's just weird that it's over
it was always going to end
but I never thought it would be OVER
that's all

bees can't fly
yet they still do
because they don't know
that they can't
of course this holds no relevance to me
I'm not a bee you see
i'm not saying humans can fly
i'm well aware we've tried
it just makes me wonder
about the things we never try
how the greatest musicians
turned into accountants
about what we do don't do
solely so we don't fail

if a bee were to understand
that he couldn't physically fly
he'd just buzz away
I want that

A bandage can only do so much
it's the body that heals
don't cover up your problems
solve them

Coffee stained sweaters
swollen bit lips
mistakes that stayed forever
wounds that never healed
apologies told
relationships mended
now that I have you
I'm reminded by how it ended

I search for tones in your speech
quivers in your voice
hints in your texts
movements in your body
I can't forget how we failed
how we might make it this time
and why either is
just as likely as the other

Do I love you?
Or am I just used to you?

There once was a poet
who was very much alive
he'd write everyday
sometimes late into the night
his poetry was his craft
a never ending ascent into madness
a read of his work
was a trip into darkness

He was fascinated by death
by how simple it was
he imagined the light being as bright
as the white of a dove
he loved rhyming tricks
how they'd guide a reader
along a waterfall of words
the more the steeper

but he wasn't famous
he wasn't beloved
this tore him apart
and led him to what?
no i didn't hear that
a modern day Van Gogh
only 25
too young for him to go

And if a picture was worth
a thousand words
then my actions
should speak a thousand verbs

And if actions speak
louder than words
then let my speech
rise loud like a thousand birds

And if birds prove
it's possible to fly
then I can tell you
how I love you and why

And if a broken clock
is right twice a day
then maybe there's a chance
I can find the words to make you stay

There were ten boys in a room
numbered one through ten
they all lived peacefully
until the moment when
number ten took a liking to
number seven's suede shoes
three defended ten while
six and seven made a truce

ten shot a rocket
with questionable aim
after which we find
number two had been slain
eight and nine shot back
with a sling shot blast
while ten used four
to cover his ***

four perished, as one
came to his aid
spraying blindly
over where four laid
when it was over
only seven and ten remained
while one fell over exhausted
his resources drained

seven looked down at his shoes
which after the fighting were no longer new
he took them off one by one
and handed them to ten
deciding the war was no longer needed
ten thanked seven and walked away
to the corner and turned around
he'd fight again another day

Let's play a game
grab a glass and take a seat
let's play until you or me
can not rise to our feet
think about your lover
and where she is now
that she isn't with you
and the sweat above your brow

Did you over think?
Drink

think about your life
where you thought you'd be in 10 years
20 years ago
how you're holding back tears

Did you over think?
Drink

think about yourself
the man your parents raised
have you lived up to expectations
as your EKG plays

Did you over think?
Drink

They say money is time
but technically time does not exist
so we need to make money
because time is what we make it

but money is power too
because to make money takes time
which we do not like to spend
so people who crave it quick turn to crime

but money is freedom
giving us time to do with what we wish
the power of choice
the ability to switch

but money is material you say?
simply paper?
real life is spiritual ay?
well see if a smile pays the bills

regardless of what you think
accept that money is a choice
and realize no one listens
to the man without a voice

So deface it if you will
belittle it if you want
but money is microphone
although I am no savant

I know money is money
and not much else
so treat it as such
and save yourself

To write a love song
you need to love
with a feeling as pure
as the white fur of a dove
clean as a whistle
sharp as a knife
with the vision of a psychic
to make her your wife

I am obsessed with my own mortality
or maybe the fact that I believe I am immortal
how could I die?
how could any thought of mine be final?
it can't just end
I wake up everyday
eyes peeled wide
and comfortably rise from where I lay

sure others pass
but they are not me
they don't walk in my shoes
they don't see what I see
they aren't special
and I am because well...
because I believe I am
I just know I can tell

but maybe there's truth to what they say
the groundwork which they lay
treasure life every second
because it could end any day
it's sobering
to think you're nothing but a ticking timer
that someday it will eventually end
that whatever you have won't last forever

Two men sat knee to knee in a bar
One troubled one not
the second turned to the first and said
hit me man what do you got
the first was slow to speak
he pushed around his drink
and finally recounted the memory
that pushed him to his mental brink

the first recalled
he was driving down a road
and a woman began walking at his car
slow as a toad
she pranced in the middle of the lane
like she owned it or something
like a 40 mile an hour speed limit
was all she needed for protection

the first explained
why he couldn’t shake it
no matter how loud he honked to end her trance
he simply couldn’t break it
did she mean to die?
is that why she greeted oncoming traffic with a smile?
does she know how quickly it could end
that life is not a trial

the second calmed the first
maybe she was lost
maybe she was simply crossing
maybe she’s a daredevil
the second poured out two shots
and the two took them together
the night would progress
they’d forget the incident for forever

as the second drove home
he noticed something flickering in his headlight
stopping short he rammed his horn
as a woman skipped away in fright
he had almost killed her
she had almost died
the second man got home and collapsed
dialed the first then cried

A man walked into a bar
"Ouch" he chuckled as he passed through the door

I killed a butterfly today  
then tried to write a poem  
I don’t know why I did it  
It died without a home  
It struck me as compelling  
as I recalled what my parents used to say  
be mindful of your surroundings  
a flap of butterfly wings can change a day  


I thought little of it then  
yet now I obsess as I reminisce  
if a butterfly flap can change so much  
what of the absence of it?  
Have I sealed my fate to infamy  
or paved my way to riches  
but maybe if I **** another?  
my unforeseeable fate switches  


But what’s a butterfly to me?  
it wasn’t much before  
now you expect me to believe  
it holds the key to what’s in store?  
Free will must exist  
at least as long as I believe it to  
foolish of me to think my dead butterfly  
could have some affect on you  


Yet I sit here thinking  
of thoughts I’ve never had  
a liar I would be to tell you  
that I haven’t changed a tad  
It did not have a name  
and I did not have a reason  
yet as I blankly stared down  
I felt as if I had committed treason  


So I sweep away the body  
and leave the room to clear my head  
if my hand’s never clapped  
this butterfly would not be dead  
so be wary of the change you bring  
the waves you choose to make  
that butterfly could have changed a day  
and not believing that was my mistake

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to the army kid silently waiting in calculated anticipation

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to the bad kid waiting nervously on the couch

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to the outgoing kid that had never met his father

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to the baseball enthusiast who couldn't wait for tonight's catch

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to the kid who only saw him when the law allowed

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to a 21 year old man who was about to meet him for the first time

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
to the kid wondering if he'd get at least a comment tonight

A mom said wait until your dad comes home
and someone cared

Everything happens for a reason
Said one man to another
that’s ******* you know he responded
and even if that was so
should it be some consolation
should I be amazed by the worlds complexity?
should I applaud the interwoven madness
if the one left out is me?


Does a bull admire a matador’s technique?
Does a building admire the strength of a wrecking ball?
Tell me why the system is great
why I should care about the meaning behind it all
what you have is what you love
and I could never love a theory
I believe in the material
because it’s the only thing my eyes can see


Tell me why my wife died
Was it to save a thousand lives?
because I would **** a thousand more
for one more look into her eyes
Maybe her death
somehow saved my life
well one day I will die
without the comfort of my wife


That’s all it really is my friend
a celebrated rain delay
God’s in his high chair
choosing who will go and who will stay
but eventually we will all leave
despite all the magic this universe has to offer
you believe in faith sir
but sadly I am bogged down in fact


The man was choked up
as he searched for words to answer the other
I did not know your babies mother
but my son did
She pushed him to safety from a car
taking the impact that was meant for him
so while I'm sorry for your loss friend
there is a reason behind everything

Today I told a doctor that time heals all wounds
he said no that’s aspirin
and if  you have have allergies
you’ll need epinephrine

Today I told a priest that time heals all wounds
he said no that’s God
also prayer and hope wouldn’t hurt
if I was no fraud

Today I told a psychic that time heals all wounds
he said to get a reading and I’d be fine
and he’d throw in a magic ball
for only $9.99!

Today I told myself that time heals all wounds
as I looked in the mirror staring my body down
It better I whispered
because in this pain I soon will drown

There is a girl in my third grade class
named Anna Lamay
she always sits at my table
except not for today

I do not like
this Anna Lamay
my teacher put her at my table
and made her stay

I screamed and yelled
not Anna Lamay!
I was stuck with her
to my absolute dismay

she is not like you and me
this Anna Lamay
dumb as a stump
with a face like a tray

I let her know
I Hate You Anna Lamay!
I followed her footsteps
and told her day after day

Her mom said it was bullying
I said you made Anna Lamay!
and that is much worse
I must say

But I pretended to like
this Anna Lamay
and played along
up until yesterday

I gave a gun to
little Anna Lamay
and told her to blow
her stupid brains away

I came to a fork in the road
I took it
for a few steps
then wandered back to where the road split
I wondered about the repercussions
how each affected life
finally I took the first
which lead me to my wife

They say home is where the heart is
so I guess this is my home
although I can’t sleep in it
I live through it
It’s been mine for forever
well not forever
or even before I can remember
there was a time before this


I had a house a real house
but it was not a home
my father wasn’t around
my mother was but her mind was not
I was alone
so I left
I was 15
with no idea of what was next


It was fun at first
it was me, my bear, and my suitcase
the first night I slept by a pier
peered across the water with no fear
when I woke I up
it was me and my suitcase
my bear was gone
along with my childhood


from that day on I’ve been walking
and searching
but searching for something
you'll never find
is the very thing
that will ruin a mind
and so with every step my heart breaks
because I’m living out of a suitcase

There were 100 people in a village  
One was a girl  
So beautiful  
She was decidedly the most beautiful among them  
The 99 others decided  
She made them feel ugly  
So she was sent away  
When all she wanted to do was stay  

There were 99 people in a village  
One was a girl  
So beautiful  
She was decidedly the most beautiful among them...

What if aliens existed?
what if Ufo’s flew so fast that if we blinked we’d miss it?
what if we do not know of their presence
because we was
excuse me we were
not looking in the right place
what if you as well as I were an alien life?
together we would travel the galaxies
like pieties
striving for peace
with no reprieve
but what if aliens did not exist?
(maybe the better question)
The notion that we are alone on this abyss
that it’s 7 billion strong against
unimaginably long miles of what we know as just space
where human thoughts such as distance and time hold no place
but why think a thought so daunting
and instead ask
What if aliens existed?

I keep having these memories
of whose I do not know
to whom they do belong to
of this my mind won’t show
will you help me friend
decode the message I have seen
I cannot do this on my own it seems
the walls are caving in
The vision is getting brighter now
while all else slips away
let me tell you of my vision friend
before there is none else I can say



I am driving down the road friend
of this I cannot forget
The road starts shrinking
to as small as it can get
I try to keep my wheels straight
but against my will my grip begins to slip
careening off the road
through traffic cone and traffic cone
suddenly I stop
this is where it gets fuzzy
the man who was next to me is no longer there
he lies in front of my vehicle glass tousled in his hair


This is no confession
for I know I have not sinned
these are not my memories
yet I feel the pain they bring
I am good my friend
I pray, I laugh, I care
I am one of the right ones
I have made it this far and I will make it further
I am what’s right
So why must I see these wrongs
This is not my memory
and I will drink until I believe that

I killed a butterfly today  
then tried to write a poem  
I don’t know why I did it  
It died without a home  
It struck me as compelling  
as I recalled what my parents used to say  
be mindful of your surroundings  
a flap of butterfly wings can change a day  


I thought little of it then  
yet now I obsess as I reminisce  
if a butterfly flap can change so much  
what of the absence of it?  
Have I sealed my fate to infamy  
or paved my way to riches  
but maybe if I **** another?  
my unforeseeable fate switches  


But what’s a butterfly to me?  
it wasn’t much before  
now you expect me to believe  
it holds the key to what’s in store?  
Free will must exist  
at least as long as I believe it to  
foolish of me to think my dead butterfly  
could have some affect on you  


Yet I sit here thinking  
of thoughts I’ve never had  
a liar I would be to tell you  
that I haven’t changed a tad  
It did not have a name  
and I did not have a reason  
yet as I blankly stared down  
I felt as if I had committed treason  


So I sweep away the body  
and leave the room to clear my head  
if my hand’s never clapped  
this butterfly would not be dead  
so be wary of the change you bring  
the waves you choose to make  
that butterfly could have changed a day  
and not believing that was my mistake