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Tark Wain Jun 2016
26



There's only 26


I can't wrap my head around it
You're telling me
all I need is 26


That's insane
Absurd

26 letters
laid out in some combination
could lead you back to me

26
Really?
It's that simple?

How many combinations
and therefore how many realities
exist



How many times do I get it right?
How many times do I dot my I's
and cross my T's
enough to lead you back to me

What was this supposed to be
and overused drawn out symphony
write

write until you have an epiphany

26 that's all I need
to let you know what you meant to me
to finally
lead you back to me

26

This must be a lie
I can count that on five hands
provided an extra finger

let that thought linger

26
it can't be
provided our history
the right answer alludes me
it remains a mystery


26




that's all it will take
but I can't let myself make the same mistake
it's time I nix
the search for those elusive



26
Tark Wain Dec 2014
3rd grade love
isn't it sweet
3rd grade love
songs of kindness on repeat

3rd grade love
reserved for you and me
3rd grade love
just sitting in a tree

3rd grade love
come back to me now
3rd grade love
don't let me down

3rd grade love
you'd think i'd leave it in the past
3rd grade love
led me down the same path

3rd grade love
it's never real
3rd grade love
too young to feel

3rd grade love
back when it was just a mystery
3rd grade love
I miss when it was new to me

3rd grade love
maybe you're different
3rd grade love
that much is apparent

3rd grade love
it may not be right
3rd grade love
but please stay with me tonight
Tark Wain Jan 2015
I'm done
I'm tired of it
I'm tired of chasing you
I'm tired of acting like having you would mean I have everything
50% of marriages end in divorce
and people might use that to describe a decaying nation
or use it as irony in a gay marriage debate
but that's not what I see
I see 50% and I think that love is a myth
I see 50% and I think about all the " I do's"
that were supposed to mean forever
but only meant right now
50%
50 ******* percent
that's a coin flip
Tark Wain Jun 2014
I was happy and healthy and then you left me
I tried to move on I tried to do better
but whatever I did I could not
forget your smile or touch
I haven't eaten much
but I will be ok
hopefully
Tark Wain Mar 2015
A boy and his father sat by a lake
fishing rods in the water
but no conversation in the air
the dad asked what he learned in school
the boy said nothing
as his hook remained afloat
ok the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

That boy became a teen
concerned with bigger things
like girls and homework
and designer jeans
he had his first date
but declined to tell his dad
that's fine the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

that boy became a man
who had a little trouble getting on his feet
he was afraid to go home
to the parents that raised him
he felt his failures were a disappointment
so he said he was fine alone
just know the dad said
one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me


That man landed a better job
and met the woman he loved
now he was secure
and everything was ok
He picked up the phone
and had so much to say
but it turns out that day
was one day
Tark Wain Jul 2014
A boy and his father sat by a lake
fishing rods in the water
but no conversation in the air
the dad asked what he learned in school
the boy said nothing
as his hook remained afloat
ok the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

That boy became a teen
concerned with bigger things
like girls and homework
and designer jeans
he had his first date
but declined to tell his dad
that's fine the dad said
but one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me

that boy became a man
who had a little trouble getting on his feet
he was afraid to go home
to the parents that raised him
he felt his failures were a disappointment
so he said he was fine alone
just know the dad said
one day ill be gone and you'll wish you had told me


That man landed a better job
and met the woman he loved
now he was secure
and everything was ok
He picked up the phone
and had so much to say
but it turns out that day
was one day
Tark Wain Apr 2015
A boy got drunk
A boy woke up in the hospital
A boy's parents hate him
not him but what he had become
not what he was mind you
but what he had become
a boy didn't know what he was
he knew what he was to himself
but what he was to others
that's what was being called into question
this was new to the boy
he was used to being loved
of course he was still loved uncondotionally
but there was something inorganic
about the need to state it
Tark Wain Apr 2015
A boy loves a girl
he knows this to be true
which is all the more important
because he doesn't know much else
at least for sure
but boy does he know love
it's simple really
he wondered what everyone griped about
but when he heard those words
the one saying a girl did not love him too
he was torn limb from limb
a boy woke in a hospital one day and hell the next
it's life with someone you love
but something much different without
so he would do his best to change her mind
and convince her to give him her remaining time.
Tark Wain Apr 2015
A boy took a respite
A boy didn't want to see his parents
whou would at this juncture
so he found the woman he trusted most
A boys grandmother
A woman so nice so gentle and wise
who had seen what felt like eternity
pass through her eyes
so she dolled out advice
with a dash of honesty
better yourself she said
and everything will fall into place
everybody loves themselves
that much is overrated
like yourself first
and that's when the magic happens
Tark Wain Jun 2014
I killed a butterfly today  
then tried to write a poem  
I don’t know why I did it  
It died without a home  
It struck me as compelling  
as I recalled what my parents used to say  
be mindful of your surroundings  
a flap of butterfly wings can change a day  


I thought little of it then  
yet now I obsess as I reminisce  
if a butterfly flap can change so much  
what of the absence of it?  
Have I sealed my fate to infamy  
or paved my way to riches  
but maybe if I **** another?  
my unforeseeable fate switches  


But what’s a butterfly to me?  
it wasn’t much before  
now you expect me to believe  
it holds the key to what’s in store?  
Free will must exist  
at least as long as I believe it to  
foolish of me to think my dead butterfly  
could have some affect on you  


Yet I sit here thinking  
of thoughts I’ve never had  
a liar I would be to tell you  
that I haven’t changed a tad  
It did not have a name  
and I did not have a reason  
yet as I blankly stared down  
I felt as if I had committed treason  


So I sweep away the body  
and leave the room to clear my head  
if my hand’s never clapped  
this butterfly would not be dead  
so be wary of the change you bring  
the waves you choose to make  
that butterfly could have changed a day  
and not believing that was my mistake
Tark Wain Jun 2014
I killed a butterfly today  
then tried to write a poem  
I don’t know why I did it  
It died without a home  
It struck me as compelling  
as I recalled what my parents used to say  
be mindful of your surroundings  
a flap of butterfly wings can change a day  


I thought little of it then  
yet now I obsess as I reminisce  
if a butterfly flap can change so much  
what of the absence of it?  
Have I sealed my fate to infamy  
or paved my way to riches  
but maybe if I **** another?  
my unforeseeable fate switches  


But what’s a butterfly to me?  
it wasn’t much before  
now you expect me to believe  
it holds the key to what’s in store?  
Free will must exist  
at least as long as I believe it to  
foolish of me to think my dead butterfly  
could have some affect on you  


Yet I sit here thinking  
of thoughts I’ve never had  
a liar I would be to tell you  
that I haven’t changed a tad  
It did not have a name  
and I did not have a reason  
yet as I blankly stared down  
I felt as if I had committed treason  


So I sweep away the body  
and leave the room to clear my head  
if my hand’s never clapped  
this butterfly would not be dead  
so be wary of the change you bring  
the waves you choose to make  
that butterfly could have changed a day  
and not believing that was my mistake
Tark Wain Jan 2015
I wonder if he'll shoot me                         I wonder if he'll shoot me
because I'm white                                       because I'm black
and he's black                                             and he's white
I'm just doing my job                                 I'm just doing my job
providing for my family                            providing for family
It has nothing to do with him                   it has nothing to do with him
is he reaching for a gun?                           is he reaching for a gun?
SHOOT                                                        SHOOT
Tark Wain Aug 2014
I am God
a silent watcher of the night
a flaming-winged pegasus
a steel coated honorable knight
I am the moon that pulls the tides
the sun that illuminates the earth
I am power, constantly craved
I am money and all it's worth

I am all these things
because I am me
overrate yourself
no one else will
Tark Wain Jun 2016
I killed a butterfly today  
then tried to write a poem  
I don’t know why I did it  
It died without a home  
It struck me as compelling  
as I recalled what my parents used to say  
be mindful of your surroundings  
a flap of butterfly wings can change a day  


I thought little of it then  
yet now I obsess as I reminisce  
if a butterfly flap can change so much  
what of the absence of it?  
Have I sealed my fate to infamy  
or paved my way to riches  
but maybe if I **** another?  
my unforeseeable fate switches  


But what’s a butterfly to me?  
it wasn’t much before  
now you expect me to believe  
it holds the key to what’s in store?  
Free will must exist  
at least as long as I believe it to  
foolish of me to think my dead butterfly  
could have some affect on you  


Yet I sit here thinking  
of thoughts I’ve never had  
a liar I would be to tell you  
that I haven’t changed a tad  
It did not have a name  
and I did not have a reason  
yet as I blankly stared down  
I felt as if I had committed treason  


So I sweep away the body  
and leave the room to clear my head  
if my hand’s never clapped  
this butterfly would not be dead  
so be wary of the change you bring  
the waves you choose to make  
that butterfly could have changed a day  
and not believing that was my mistake
Tark Wain Apr 2015
A girl couldn't die
at least without her permission
her heart had a defect
a rare one indeed
A girl was immortal
at least until she loved someone
so she must pick wisely
because although a life
is an awful thing to waste
an eternity is much worse
so she bides her time
slowly and surely
she is with a boy
but for how long is the question
because when forever is actually forever
true love is a tough thing to mention
Tark Wain Apr 2015
A girl did a lot with her time alone
she braided her hair
took walks in the forest
had talks on the phone
but all this didn't matter
although she didn't know it yet
because while mundane is nice in the moment
if tomorrow is promised what's the point of today
A girl didn't know it yet
because how could she
but an eternity spent
happily
is not as special
nor as important as one
however short however sad
full life
Tark Wain Apr 2015
A girl searched in her free time
A girl had a lot of it
A girl searched for metaphors and meaning
A girl wanted to know why God had made her this way
AN IMMORTAL
do you get it?!?!?
a girl could do anything
the only thing stopping a girl was love
pesky little thing
it didn't matter
a girl was going to save the world
cure hunger and then bring peace
a girl could stare down the barrel hole
unafraid of the bullet
yes a girl thought I have a meaning a purpose
but love that pesky little thing
kept pulling at her shirt
Tark Wain Aug 2016
One Day there was A Bee Named Beevis

Beevis was the fastest bee in the garden

He won all the races

And won all the medals

But still Beevis was sad

Because no matter how many races he won
Or how many medals he was awarded

He still couldn’t smell

Because he had a deviated septum

But Beevis was in luck

Because the Bee Grand Prix was soon approaching

And the Prize was a check for $100,000

And Beevis knew it cost $2,435 dollars to repair his septum

He realized he would be rolling in money.
(Figuratively, of course. Not Literally)

That would be wasteful

So he raced

And he won

Because like I said earlier he was the fastest bee

So he went to the doctor with $2,435

And had his septum repaired

As soon as he left the office he was overwhelmed by smells

He was drawn to a patch of roses

Beevis slowly took in each one’s distinct scent

Beevis had no desire to fly fast anymore

He always stopped to smell the roses

And You Should Too
Tark Wain Jul 2014
Coffee stained sweaters
swollen bit lips
mistakes that stayed forever
wounds that never healed
apologies told
relationships mended
now that I have you
I'm reminded by how it ended

I search for tones in your speech
quivers in your voice
hints in your texts
movements in your body
I can't forget how we failed
how we might make it this time
and why either is
just as likely as the other

Do I love you?
Or am I just used to you?
Tark Wain Jun 2017
A man placed a rose over a mass grave
and said to me
take all the Evil in the world
and make Art out of it
Tark Wain Jun 2014
A man walked into a bar
"Ouch" he chuckled as he passed through the door
Tark Wain Feb 2016
If a tree falls in the forest
and no one hears it
and presumably if the tree fell
it follows that it was dead
if all these things happen
is the tree real?
does it exist?
is it tangible?

let me backtrack
there's a sprout
and it blooms
grows taller
grows branches
and then one day
as you well know
it falls

was it real?

reality is subjective
it makes me wonder
what real is
we are real
in the sense that we, right now, have consciousness
but that's not what I'm worried about
in the grand scheme of things
in the forest that is our universe...

Am I...?

No
I'm talking about a tree
in a forest
not me
in this world
was it real?
tell me
tell me

did it matter?
did any of it matter?
the time lighting took off a slab of bark
the time two birds made love on it
the time a squirrel nestled inside it
the time a leaf fell and smacked a little boy in the face
yes it happened
but was any of it REAL?

These are somber thoughts
they reek of depression
angst
i've put up walls around myself
which are fine to keep out intruders
but it seems I did not give myself the key
what am I hiding?
what do I not want me to know?

Am I...?
I found it
the key
I need to finish the sentence
but I can't imagine the weight of that question
how can I question that of myself
do it
ask

Am I.......
.....
...........
real?
Does any of it matter?
and if some of it does
am I losing sight of those things
have I lost my connection to reality
am I alone
is this all there is?

If I fall in a forest
and no one hears it
and presumably if I fell
it follows that I was dead
if all these things happen
was I real?
did I exist?
Was I tangible?
Tark Wain Aug 2015
Im a writer that doesn't write
I tell myself that's it's normal
That it's natural
That I must have writers block

I know that's a lie

People ask me what I want to do
I say screenwriter
They think I'm smart, witty, creative
All of the above
The look they give me is a drug
I'm one of the special ones
I have ideas
To them I make things

But I don't.

I like to think I do.
Sure I tell myself that.
But I'm stuck writing stories I'll never finish
Down in books I'll never read

Why do I not read them?

I think it's because of a belief that I am inadequate
And therefore anything I create must be that way as well
The belief that someone like me shouldn't be able to create
I think that's why people look at me adoringly when they hear "screenwriter"
They want to love their ideas as much as they think I do mine.
They think I'm one of the ones that made it out
Which is something I desperately I want to be

So for now I am a writer that doesn't write
Which sadly means I am not a writer at all
But maybe I spoke to soon
Because if I wasn't a writer
I wouldn't have written this at all
Tark Wain Jul 2014
And if a picture was worth
a thousand words
then my actions
should speak a thousand verbs

And if actions speak
louder than words
then let my speech
rise loud like a thousand birds

And if birds prove
it's possible to fly
then I can tell you
how I love you and why

And if a broken clock
is right twice a day
then maybe there's a chance
I can find the words to make you stay
Tark Wain Aug 2017
You're afraid of the finish line
because if you see it you might have to cross it
Tark Wain Jun 2014
There is a girl in my third grade class
named Anna Lamay
she always sits at my table
except not for today

I do not like
this Anna Lamay
my teacher put her at my table
and made her stay

I screamed and yelled
not Anna Lamay!
I was stuck with her
to my absolute dismay

she is not like you and me
this Anna Lamay
dumb as a stump
with a face like a tray

I let her know
I Hate You Anna Lamay!
I followed her footsteps
and told her day after day

Her mom said it was bullying
I said you made Anna Lamay!
and that is much worse
I must say

But I pretended to like
this Anna Lamay
and played along
up until yesterday

I gave a gun to
little Anna Lamay
and told her to blow
her stupid brains away
Tark Wain Nov 2014
Three kids sat side by side on an airplane
First was Jerry
he was six and loved coloring books
he loved how he could make anything
any color he desired
next was his sister Lisa
she was 9 and loved the way music sounded
when she put on headphones
and listened to each note
Lastly was Clara
she was 17 and hardened by the world
she loved her brother and her sister
and not much else

I wanted to end this poem sadly
but the family i've imagined is now so real to me
that I must let the plane land
Tark Wain Jan 2017
It's 9 p.m. where you are
Not where I am
because you left
I know

I don't think you think about me still
Pacing in the shadow of my windowsill
wondering if I should tell you, I love you still
I want things to change but I don't think they will

Love is not nearly as fragile a thing as time
When the winds of life have come to pass
all we're left with is a participation trophy
and a blurry past

Ocean waves wash over me
I like the stains they leave
Upon my skin that's now paper thin
as the years pass me by

I am suffocated by the thought of losing you
so much so that may I take one last breath
yet I have one more thing to say before I rest

If you really loved me... you would never have left
Tark Wain Jul 2015
Is this what you envisioned
when you left our population with this ****
how funny is that the perfect being
can spew imperfection around the world
do you like how I have cleansed it
do you like how I have bested you
come to think of it... yes
I am a better you
Tark Wain Jul 2015
He asks of something great from me
but why me
why have I been chosen?
I am not a great warrior
I do not aspire to be a leader of men
I will follow his path
but if I don't follow him wholeheartedly
will he abandon me when I need him most?
Tark Wain Jul 2015
Hello
My son does not believe in you
he says I spend too much time with my books
maybe he is right
but if he is, won't that mean our downfall is imminent?
if you're not real neither is my hope
and so I must believe
for you are our only chance
#mr
Tark Wain Jul 2015
There is no God
I abandoned that idea that when he let my ancestors drown in fire
nothing you believe will change that in me
say what you will, just know
there is no god, there is no heaven, there are no angels
there are no prophecies
there are only survivors
and I plan on being one of them
Tark Wain Jul 2015
If I had ever met my mother
I assume she would have told me about you
but she did not
so I did not learn until later
you have quite the reputation sir
"GOD" people say as there eyes light up
if you are so great like they say
why did you take my mother away
Tark Wain May 2017
At a certain point
Your ex ceases to be your ex
And becomes someone you once knew
I know not whether that is good or bad
Tark Wain May 2018
When you left silently
it reminded me
why it seems to be
I don't revise my poetry
Tark Wain Jul 2016
At this point

we haven't talked in a while
and maybe that's for the best
I don't love you anymore
perhaps that's for the best too
I hate to romanticize the past
a beneficiary of history like socrates
I'll never be

even so

At this point

we are two completely different people
indistinguishable
not only from each other
but from past versions of ourselves
we are stationary bayonets
placed dutifully and lazily
on top of the guns
we used to be
Always the second choice

At this point

We are strangers to each other
not that we would not recognize each other
but in the sense
that if I waved to you
or you to me
the other would not know what to do

At this point

I don't feel like checking in
because I know the past was better
and I assume the future will be too
its the middle of the story
the part you don't really need
but where you're still unsure
where it might lead
so how am i?

cautiously optimistic

At this point
Tark Wain Dec 2014
I was born in Princeton University.

2. That's the closest I was to getting in.

3. As a kid I enjoying stuffing round pegs into square holes.

4. I knew it wouldn't work.

5. That comforted me.

6. I grew into jeans I didn't own.

7. So I could stop wearing other jeans I didn't own.

8. Come to think about it I use a lot of things I don't own.

9. I have two parents.

10. My mother used to be anorexic.

11. Now she wishes she was.

12. My father makes a lot of money.

13. Yet he is unsure of whether or not he is successful.

14. He does not want me to make money.

15. He believes he's done enough.

16. I am tired.

17. That's probably because I don't sleep a lot.

18. I am tired of being tired.

19. I doubt the redundancy matters to my brain.

20. I used to want to be an astronaut.

21. I only said that when I looked at the moon.

22. Now I want to work in Tv.

23. Maybe that's because I always watch.

24. I look for inspiration under every rock.

25. All I find is dirt.
Tark Wain Jun 2014
There were 100 people in a village  
One was a girl  
So beautiful  
She was decidedly the most beautiful among them  
The 99 others decided  
She made them feel ugly  
So she was sent away  
When all she wanted to do was stay  

There were 99 people in a village  
One was a girl  
So beautiful  
She was decidedly the most beautiful among them...
Tark Wain Sep 2014
I sit here everyday
people pass, people visit
rarely do they speak when they do
imagine that
two people connected by something
yet they can not find the words to communicate
TALK i want to scream
but i can not

for I am just a bench
Tark Wain Jul 2014
A bandage can only do so much
it's the body that heals
don't cover up your problems
solve them
Tark Wain Jul 2014
bees can't fly
yet they still do
because they don't know
that they can't
of course this holds no relevance to me
I'm not a bee you see
i'm not saying humans can fly
i'm well aware we've tried
it just makes me wonder
about the things we never try
how the greatest musicians
turned into accountants
about what we do don't do
solely so we don't fail

if a bee were to understand
that he couldn't physically fly
he'd just buzz away
I want that
Tark Wain Mar 2015
I tried to tell Kyle this
but he hates me
Who can blame him though right?
What a ****** ******* role model I was
He was 17 when he found me cheating on his mother
I still remember the look in his eyes
he didn't care that it was the only time it happened
20 years he screamed at me
I had been married to his mother for 20 years
and that's what I did
I don't know why I'm telling you this
Kyle probably already has
I just want to give you my side
I met his mother when we were 11
we started dating immediately
like the first day we met
and then we got to high school
and everyone thought it was great we'd stayed together
then we got to college and then law school
and it was all the same
the praise
the admiration
it was like a drug to me
I loved that people thought we were perfect for each other
I LOVED IT
do you see what I'm saying
I didn't love her
I loved the idea
the idea felt right
50% of marriages end in divorce
people try to say that means love isn't real
but that's *******
Love is real
believe it
the truth is that Love is so scary
so ******* intimidating
that people will go out of their way to avoid it
they'll marry someone they don't love to avoid it
they'll stay with someone they don't love hoping it might show up someday
What you and Kyle have is real
It's special
and I know he'd never let me tell him this
so please please
Don't be the reason my son doesn't believe in true love
he already has me to blame
Tark Wain Jun 2015
There is nothing uglier than a blank white page
I get sick just thinking about it
It's nothingness
it's meaningless

a blank page disgusts me
because of what it could be
that page could save my life
if only I wasn't so afraid to write on it
Tark Wain Aug 2016
I've traveled every mountain
descended every valley
seen every shade of blue

yet I'd trade it all
to sit on the couch
and eat a pizza with you
Tark Wain Aug 2014
All words once used
to describe the eyes the color blue
tied together, tried and true
are still nowhere near good enough for you
Tark Wain Jun 2016
All words once used
to describe the eyes the color blue
tied together, tried and true
are still nowhere near good enough for you
Tark Wain Jul 2014
It's crazy ya know
how everything I own
can just be wrapped up in boxes
trophies and awards
pictures and accomplishments
all tucked neatly away
my favorite pens and pencils
stuffed into burlap sacks

it's almost like it wasn't real
the first 18 years of my life
like it was all a game
that no matter what I did
I'd end up here
the only difference being
how many trophies
were neatly tucked away

like my whole life has been a checklist
like I was nothing extraordinary
there is nothing more dehumanizing
than being able to put everything you love in a box
it's just weird that it's over
it was always going to end
but I never thought it would be OVER
that's all
Tark Wain Jun 2016
Glossed over pasts plus
Time tested epithets
That indubitably do define
The way you left me that's

Not to deny the truths that do lie
On the static sitting stone
Which are truths I refuse to uncover
Which tend to typify my own

Lack of anything resembling intelligence
I know if you missed me you would say it
Yet it remains categorically impossible
For me to even meagerly admit

That the starry eyed tongue tied
Deliciously delightful strikingly beautiful
Girl I fell in love with

is no more
Tark Wain Jul 2016
A woman once told me
That when we remember something
we remember not the actual moment
but rather the last time we remembered it

A moment
at least in theory
is pure
it represents a certain truth
one that cares not for arguments
nor perspective nor point of view
if we remembered moments I wouldn't be skeptical
but we don't

I've lied before
in fact I do it all the time
I've lied to old women and girlfriends
to my father and kids on my street
whose to say I wouldn't lie to me?
A moment is concrete
but a memory?
That can be anything I want it to be

My life is a story
as is everyone else's
depending on the narrator to find meaning
in anything
What if everyday I stumble upon the answer
but it isn't the one I desire
who's to say
I haven't forgotten and tried again

What exists?
by that I mean exclusively to me
If I'm the architect of my own reality
how do I also serve as the destruction team?
What's the point of building a home
if I was always meant to sleep outside?
If a magician can actually use magic...
Doesn't he become something completely different?

Objectivity is lost on me
its well meaning contribution out of reach
I have just one tool with which to understand me
and unfortunately it's my memory
Tark Wain Jun 2017
I think that comedy is dead
and I don't say that because I think every funny person
just suddenly is not funny anymore
I think that people don't want to laugh anymore

we want to leer
whether in disgust, or fear, or some sick form of admiration
we want to rage against something
anything as long it promises to stand in our way

we make mountains out of mole hills
in order to spend our time knocking them down
we want somebody to make us cry
not because we want to be sad

because we want to feel like we're still alive
we are so afraid live
that we've become obsessed with dying
we shout deep into the void

hoping, (even if it's slightly) that no echo will return
we want to hate, we want to fear
because those emotions are raw and tangible
and they linger

what is a laugh
if but a minuscule flaw in the system
a seldom respite from the horrid lives we lead
an umbrella for the rain we so desperately want to drown in

It's easy to feel bad for cheating
even if it's only for a moment
every day we are told be angry, mad, upset, vigilant, vindictive
every day we are told
Comedy is dead
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