I'm walking through darkness; it's cold and alone. I don't know the way, but I must go wherever you are not, my closest friend. Through a chain link fence where I can only touch your fingers, this 'second heart' is not what I desire.

I must let go, and I can't say why because you cannot know, but I hope to feel your touch again soon. Beneath your waves, my path is slow. It's hard to breathe, but 'friend' is far more suffocating.

I love you. I am in love with you.

And once I reach the edge, I will jump, and I will fall, so please forget about me. It's getting darker, but your light shines on ever infinitely. I'll watch you from afar as our bond dissipates and the cold winds tighten my skin, but eventually, I'll reach your bottom-most heart.

The heart that holds your distant relatives. The old friends from school you haven't spoken to in years, and the co-workers you forget about until you hear their names again. I'll wait until you can barely see me. Just until you begin to lose wonder, and the memories become vague.

Then I will return.

I'll act surprised at how you've grown, even though I never stopped watching. I'll show you things you've never noticed through that chain fence. Now keen at crossing cold rivers and dim caves, I'll continue my journey.

To your first heart.

it was dreadful
terrible.
     almost exhilarating even.
                  you look so downtrodden
   wet.
         offshore.
                   pitiful.
                             how does it feel
to be so far pressed face down?
               teardrops dragging down your
     hair pulling down
            your head.
                             when did you get
        so drenched?
                   so stupid
enough
                to cry for him?
    seeing that
              it is the only thing
  you seem useful for
                                   for him.
           if you want to be his toy—
                         sorry.
you're already a broken one.
                                        soaked in
                beer
and
            tequila
       and
                     ***
                                  and
               diet coke
                         and
                                        puke
        for perfume
                    and yet you smell
more like
                               instant noodles
             and glass shards
on your wrist
                          with your back
       on the same wall as yesterday
       the same wall as the day before that
       the same wall as the day even before
       the same wall that watched you cry
earlier today
             yesterday
                        last week
                               the week before that
       and the day he left you
                 this time
and that one time last month
          and that time during valentines
               and another just after new year's.
i bet even the wall is so ****
      sick of
                  watching you cry for him.
   but i never will.
             'i'm sorry but'
                        'i will always be'
       'here for you'
                   i whisper as if you
     really could hear me speak.
            as if you ever did listen.
               'thanks for being a good friend'
you spoke almost inaudibly
         as if you really replied
                        hearing your
     phone suddenly
              rings to the sound of
         your favorite song
   heartbreak girl by 5sos
                     and you so easily understood.
       between your only two contacts
               me and him
of course you'd run towards him
            the moment he calls
    leaving me behind.
                       i get it.
         it's just a little sad
i didn't get to tell you
                 to call me
       the next time he breaks your heart...
   after all,
                 you exist to make him happy
and i exist only to see you cry.

Living one day
On my own zone
Never finding my own way
Ending on my own side everyday

      Believe me,
      You'll never know what is like to
be My own menace and
      Erasing my own pace

Ending on my own side everyday
Never finding my own way
On my own zone
Living one day by one day
Alone⬆

I am curled in your dreams, waiting,
Awaiting your return to this realm,
Spending the hours you sleep
Dreaming of our tomorrows, when,
Awake at the same time, we touch,
Caress and I hold the phantom of your body missing from my life.
I pray, and I plead, barter with the universe and gods
To put us in the common air, common landscape of each other's skin.
I want to touch that skin,
To match it to words from my lips
That glide over your softest response,
The distance vanished and the firm rise of your amore.
Taste and scent memories to fill the empty times that you sleep
While I, in my daylight life, live without you.

You seem to accuse my affection as flirtation.
I have come to a realization:
your skull must be thick
and your brain dull
to believe
my niceness could equate to a desire to bone you.
It is no torture being my friend;
there is no horror to the friend zone

sinister concatenation pairs us
   with surreal morgue aisle
broken lives rent asunder
   from fanatics hell bent with bile
of poison spewing forth *******
   up the moral compass dial

upending amity, comity,
excitability with ferocity,
hostility, indelibly, indubitably,
inexorably hissing illogic jabber
wocky justifiably linking extremist
deadly credos bred among western nations

indicting pursuit of life, liberty
and happiness wreaking deliberate havoc
   awash with crimson tide of blood –
   dead set to jam the life lock

viz Leviathan of personal freedoms
   bespoken via vernacular,
where secular westerners
   framed to mock,

where extremist storied devout
   die hard believers dislike rock
and roll of altruism, capitalism,
   liberalism, thus apply shell shock
tactics sans terroristic tactics
   with bombs silently tick tock

inevitably heightening security
   forcing ordinary citizens
   to be on high alert
watchful even at slightest com
   ment, perhaps even accidental curt

commentary invoking immediate
   military forces swoop down and exert
overpowering force donned
   with ammunition belt bristling girt
affecting innocence abroad and
   native population to freeze
   and become inert

casting dark silhouettes against
   autumnal reign of light
where Mithraism plays out
   with immensely brutal might
blotting out the radiance

   of heavenly bliss affording active night
life to become shuttered
   as cruel carnival masquerade
   pits pagan plight

against the jagged
   scrimmage line quite
arbitrarily drawn by maniacal foes
   for freedom trammel the right
to own democratic stance –

   for Jihadist Johnny come lately
   find a slight
lampooned their sacred
   Islamic catechism inducing tight
grip on Allah to fuel vengeance
   for intimated transgressions
   that doth in vite

which violent polemics purpose
   fully shear the very fiber of peace
pronounced with especial
   arduousness come holiday time
   foisting a crease

along the fabric of westernization –
   whereby founding fathers did grease
the figurative wheels of con
   com it ant moist meaty lifestyle
to experience strangulation
   from an invisible death knell lease.

You're a fool
I will step out
of your zone
and claim
my own
for my galaxy
was too colourful
for such
black holes
Good
Bye