my body and thoughts are split into half right in the middle
there is a parallel cut right through my heart, splitting me into two

there is a part of me that wants to survive to see tomorrow,
and then a part of me that is so tired and just needs it to end; now

there is a part of me that wants to prove that recovery is possible,
and then a part of me that says maybe you won't be the one to prove it

there is a part of me that wants to write, and keep writing
and then a part of me that just wants to sleep and never wake up

there is a part of me that wants to get married, have kids and be happy
and then a part of me that says i would slit my wrists and my kids would be traumatized for life

there is a part of me that tries to convince me that tomorrow will be better

but how many times do you have to tell yourself that tomorrow will be better - before tomorrow is actually better?

i am two halves that contemplate between life and death,
and i am not sure i will ever be whole and choose only life;

make this stop.

I know I am okay with her being your second.


Because I know I will always be your first,
And your *best.

I loved you once,
when that grey beanie was new.
You kissed me with your neck so high I thought you'd never move
But it was only me,
Went down on you so often my nose ring got infected.
There is still a scar, forever on my face, quite literally.

Stained on my arms as I lay along you. Thoughts fought their way into my mouth. And now out upon you. Fingers clench my face, I forget you. I've held thousands of maps  for you, they have endured the long before, the once was truth