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Juliana Sep 2021
I do not exist.
I am theoretical,
a vague conception.

A collection of cracked and shattered eggshells,
swimming through their shields of protection.
In theory, my mind is the static of a television screen,
with no news to report, just the quiet credits
of a horror loading a few dozen miles away.

Is it a Tuesday?

I am strong,
and determined,
and powerful.

I cannot be ripped to shreds.
My strings cannot be cut.

I am a daydream,
sweet and surreal,
the lustful longing
only a little girl
can dance beneath.

I’m a torturer,
my own body my canvas,
my mind a delusional path
of destruction doused
in little wishes.

I am immortal
until proven otherwise.
You cannot ****
a trailing thought.

How many more seconds will tick past
before my body is mine again?
How many clocks must reset
before the moving pictures move on?

I long to be spontaneous.
I want to hold my hand in yours,
sip a coffee and slip my sunglasses through my hair.
I imagine the sunsets we could watch together,
the car trips, and the daisies.
We could scream in the cornfields,
you could get down on one knee,
we could travel the world together.

I long to be important.
I know I’m intelligent.
Maybe if I could memorize,
if I was in control of my own thoughts,
if I wasn’t riddled with what he says
and her opinions and her rebuttals.

I can see myself being happy.
I know how to daydream.
I want to write a novel,
I want to learn the secrets of the stars.

How can I reach my goals
when you complete them for me?
How can I live a meaningful life
when yours is covering the screen?
How can I get rid of you,
without having to say goodbye?

Because under all these linguistic strategies,
under poems and prayers,
the truth is that I am in love with you.
I, on purpose, hold you close.
The only stories I see among the stars
are the ones you step foot in,
the ones I’ve written for myself.

I am a dreamer with multiple dreams.
I am a novelist for two worlds.
I want to take the path not yet taken,
with a go-pro following the one that has.

I don’t want to lose you.
I’m terrified of losing me.
Juliana Sep 2021
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about probability.

What is the probability that two brothers decided to go textless?
What is the probability that a little girl developed cancer?
What is the probability that millions were moved by her story?

What is the probability that I decided to join a board game club?
What is the probability that I decided to go on my phone one morning
instead of paying attention to class?

What is the probability that I would be the first to respond to a Reddit post?
What is the probability that I would be brave enough to start a server?
What is the probability that you logged onto Reddit?

What is the probability that you saw my post?
What is the probability that we met?
What is the probability of all these things happening together?

I think you’re the reason I’m starting to believe in God.

I think us finding each other was a miracle.

It’s a miracle that with every branch on every timeline,
we happened to climb onto this one.
It’s a miracle that we get to exist in the same lifetime.

Think about it, one little changed decision,
and we never would have found each other.
The world is full of dominos,
and every single one had to fall into place perfectly.

Look at all the little ways the world fell into place perfectly to let us exist together.

Tell me how you couldn’t believe in miracles.
Juliana Sep 2021
I flipped through the pages,
taking in every word as scripture.
This is how my body will grow,
this is how to get a boy to like me,
this is who I’m supposed to turn into.

I was just a little girl.
I couldn’t have told you
my favorite color, I still don’t know
what I want to be when I grow up.

I just turned another page.
And I knew.

I had more fingers on my hands
than trips around the sun,
but even so young and so naive
my instincts were stronger
than fiberglass.

Something was wrong.

But I didn’t look like those pictures.
I didn’t hate myself.
I didn’t do it on purpose.
None of the words fit
to what I was feeling
but they were calling to me.


Juliana, you are us.
Juliana, you don’t have to eat that.
Juliana, something is wrong.

I was so young.

How did I know so young?
How did I only find out today?

Little Juliana,
what else did you know?
Juliana Aug 2021
hello, i have a crush on u. 2 years now.
youre the cutest when u r wearing your
glasses hehe

i have loved you since you were 16.

March 3, 2017. At lab. Your hair is long.
You're wearing a white shirt.

July 10, 2017. You're making a poem.
Your eyes… I fell in love with those eyes
of yours.

November 14, 2017. There are no words
to express my love for you. I love you.

Hey, juliana, cheer the **** up. you're
worth it.

I miss wrapping my arms around your

I’m sorry for all of the pain that I caused.
You deserved a better end to high

I'm still missing you every day.

I still wish that someday we'll see each
other again, I really want that museum

If one day you ever find this just wanna
let you know that I still love you and I
always will.

I’m not sure how to love anyone else but
you. Can we try again?

you made quarantine really fun for me.
thank you for all of the wonderful
memories :)

you said you’d let me know if you ever
thought less of me. you never did. you
just left.

Don't forget to love yourself & always
choose to be happy :)

i can't get over you and it's been almost
5 years since we last saw each other :(

Hey, Juliana!! Hey, self!! I know it's hard
but please keep going. Everything will
be okay soon :)

He’s ok. Just tryna keep him sober. He
deserves to be happy so that’s my goal.
Take care ***

I hope the kid is doing fine.

I hope you're doing well. Always
remember to be happy. Always put a
smile on your face.

I hope you're happy wherever you are.
You'll always be my greatest love.

i love you so much momma u deserve
the whole world <3
Found in and Inspired by the Unsent Project (
(Lines with asterisks should be right justified and in italics.)
Juliana Aug 2021
I remember a Tuesday afternoon,
the closest star falling
behind the hilltops,
its leftover magic piercing
its way in between the trees.
The leaves, a canopy above
our heads, an arbor guiding us
to the moon.

I remember holding your hand
when we stopped, the car
growing quiet as I turned off
the engine. Our hushed laughers
as we got the blankets
out of the trunk.

I remember laying them down
on the dirt, the ground damp
from that morning’s rain,
the stars vast and endless.
Each one another day
I wished to spend with you.

I remember pulling you close,
your curls ticking my cheek
as you lay your head
on my chest. My fingers
rubbing along your back,
your arm, your stomach.

I remember never wanting
to see another sunrise.

I remember never wanting
that moment to end.

I remember you.

I remember when I used
to love you.
Juliana Aug 2021
I don’t know what I’m more terrified of:
Losing you or us never getting to meet.

Is it possible that after a hundred little memories,
the distracted handholds, and good morning kisses,
one day I won’t want to see your smile anymore?

Will the way I lose you be easy or hard?
Will I just walk away, a single tear swiped
from my cheek, the phantom feel of your fingers
flicking it away for me, or will it be a storm,
monstrous, will I recognize myself when we’re over?

Will it be my choice, or will fate pry us apart,
two pieces of plywood that should be glued,
not nailed. Is our loss a sacrifice
the world has to take to move on?

Or even worse, what if I never even learn your name.
I don’t want to be just two ships passing in the night.
I don’t want to touch your hand as you give me my coffee,
unaware that this hand belongs with mine.
I don’t want to meet your eyes in class,
pulling mine away without a second thought.

It’s one thing to be the person that was,
and another to be the people that never were.
Juliana Aug 2021
Do you ever wonder
who you’d be in another life?

Did you wake up today,
with him by your side?

Did he absentmindedly
take your hand, link your fingers
through his, kiss the back
of your palm, all before
fluttering his eyes open?

Today if you’re sad, will he
drive you to the bookstore,
following you around while
holding all the little worlds,
picking out a few he’d know
you’d love, slipping them in the pile
while you’re in another aisle,
just so you could find
a new surprise later?

To another me,
if you’re out there:

Are you happy, making sure
to take each and every moment
for granted, because you know
your mood could crumble
in a heartbeat?

Do you make sure to splash
in the puddles, love the feeling
of rain soaking into your boots,
clothes sticky and drenched?

Does it make you feel alive?

I hope you chase the sunshine,
texting your friends at two
in the morning, driving to
their house in a van, half-dressed
and without a single thought,
I hope your road trip is miraculous.

I don’t need to wonder
about who I’d be in another life.

I am confident.
I am a trail-blazer.

I am a leader.
I am powerful.
I am strong.

My wardrobe is filled with perfect suits,
dainty and gorgeous, badass and black.

I wear white because I look like an angel.
I wear yellow because I stand out.
I wear blue because I am careful.
I wear red because I strike fear.

I could ruin you with a single glance.
I could love you harder
than you’ve ever been loved.

I will never be a second thought.
I am an avalanche.
If I want, I’ll become your world.

I am me.
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