You are not supposed to rip pages
out of books bound by human spines
or all of the pages will fall out
and disperse across the ground
like autumn leaves exhausted of trying.

I learned this the hard way.

If there is a cure or concoction
to heal a brilliant mind

I crave it,

because finding medicine to express
my mutilated madness
is like dying without understanding
the allegory of mercy.

He wants to understand what hides
under soft satin skin and apathy.
I see it in the way the crumpled lines on his forehead
form question marks when I cry
because there was never a reason
nor answer
as to why my heart always seemed
to perpetuate the memory
of autumn.

No, he will never know, curious as he is,
because skin is miles
and miles
and miles deep
plummeting down to a hollow core
of sickness
of sorrow
of solitude
that could dissolve all of his worries
but never my own.

I leave myself vulnerable
Because I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Anyone could come along
And hurt it somehow.

I leave myself vulnerable
Because I try so hard
And it hurts so bad to fail.

I leave myself vulnerable
Because I always get back up.

If you posted a cry for help,
A "I'm awake and hurting, who is up? I could really use a pick me up."
People would answer.

But would you appreciate them?
No, you wouldn't.
You've never been
That type of person.

You'd talk some sort of ****
About how they don't know
What they're doing.

You did this with friends,
With family,
With me.

And you'll continue the cycle
Until you're dying and alone.

If I did that,
People would answer,
Probably a little late,
But I'd appreciate the love and support
Nonetheless.

Because when I have an issue with someone,
I tell them.
And when someone tries to help me,
With good intentions,
I appreciate them.

I'm not saying I'm better than you,
But let's face it,
I'm a little bitter because of your lies,
And I'm still better than you.

The secret to happiness
is not minding some secrets staying hidden.

It's allowing an unexpected blush to sweep across your face
and not asking why.

It's forgetting to shut the double wide door
from the patio to your heart
and not asking your guests how they got there.

It's getting lost down city streets and accepting where you land
is where you were going all along.

It's dripping ink on cotton sheets through blown out veins
because you couldn't get the words out fast enough.

Happiness is vulnerability.

I'm in a room surrounded
Trapped and locked inside
There's a door on which I'm pounding with all my power and my might

Then pretty soon I realized
I'm the one with the key
And if only I could find the lock, Then I'd be able to leave

But the keyhole is misshapen
It has been beaten and worn down
The key will not fit and I wonder if I will ever be found

There is no way to repair the lock
I can only break down the wall
If I want to move past the room that contains me, I need to break it, once and for all.

Father
be my net of love
For I fall
and I cannot catch myself

you have no idea
how tightly
i hold on
i hold on
to everything
everything that keeps me
from running
staying
staying
is the hardest thing
to do
all i have to do
is let go
you have no idea
just how easy
that is
no idea
just how easy
it is
to just disappear
easy
so
very
easy
just
like
that
...
and
i'm
gone

Words unspoken, dreams unreached
The spell is broken; time's incomplete.
My eyes now closed as you speak to me,
My heart is folded and it's corners weep.
The tears that gather here are not mine,
Just as the rain as it falls belongs to none,
But by the time it's gathered is nearly gone...

At times I long for new friends and lovers
Those who haven't known my past
But true love always finds its way
Sinking into ***** cracks
It digs up rotted journals
And asks for all you have