So tired, she thought it best
to wear her heart on her sleeves
and get things off her chest

Ignored a notion misconceived
that living like an open book
would only make her more naive

She said...
If they simply take another look
they'll see a clear transparency
and maybe, just maybe, let me off the hook

The best thing about being intimate with someone else is the fact that you are at the most vulnerable point in your life and you just let someone dive into it without hesitation. As an introvert, I have a lot of boundaries when it comes to interacting with people and as you can see, I only let a few people that are able to push forward into the inner circle of friends. You are the only one who is able to push it even further, creating another circle that is even closer than those I call as best friends.

For me, being vulnerable is expressing the thoughts and feelings that you keep to yourself to someone you trust deeply. I tend to keep things to myself because I am afraid of what people might judge about the way I think or feel. It is actually tiring to hold everything yourself and pretend that you are ‘normal’ to the social norms, but having someone you trust deeply helps you to relax and let loose of yourself without being afraid. You have proven yourself to be that someone.

Jakarta, July 7th 2018

You will never know
The energy it takes to wake up when stress, depress and living feels like you are suffocating
But you dont really see me do you? You see a smile, you see me laugh
But the tears?
Oh no, you wont see them because i wont let you.

I bury them, but if you look closely that glisten in my eye isn't the light.
If you catch me off guard you may hear a silent scream. Deafening

Powerless. Governed by emotion no hashtags no followers. Just me

They think I am strong, I play the role but I am not. Deep down i just want to keep walking. Shed layers, be free

But I will always be your prisoner. You inside me

you don't quite fit
slightly askew
yet, relatable.

I see You.
A person revealing herself to a soceity of weak wolves
You are curious; a truth-seeker
asking questions that make others squirm
You have a deep desire to connect through expression
a need to be seen
You wish for transparcy paired with acceptance
You want to tear yourself open and scream "Look!"
"This is Me! Please, see Me!"
"In all my beauty and in all my ugliness. This, is, Me. Unfiltered. Naked"
"Please, please accept me."
I know this because it is
Relatable.

Relatable. The only way you would know this
is if I told you.
For I have found a way to blend in with the wolves.
I hide behind a careful wall built of cloth and filth.
You can only see Me when and where I allow it.

My face is usually in plain view, for society has told me this is OK.
(Ironic that is my only bit of skin that can change expression, unwillingly)

My other skin is hidden by clothe that I willingly bear.
A winter coat and gloves for the environment unknown.
(possibly hostile. it's better not to risk exposure)
A T-shirt and jeans for the familar
(stragically covering vunerabilities)
A bathing suite only for the most trusted

And naked? Rarely do I allow this, even around myself.
Because when I am naked all I see is the bruises from past abuses.
When I opened myself up and was rejected
Rejected by society and myself.

All the bruises bring me to bear cloth
But I will sincrely root for those who walk around
Naked.

Open your mind and heart to me
I need to acquire a way
To change your internal truth
About inhabiting in your soul.
There is room for the both of us
If you allow yourself to be vulnerable
To the one very real fear you face.
I need to make you feel cherished
For as long as you'll let me stay
And probably for a lifetime after.
You deserve this more than you know.
You deserve the trust in someone
That is required from you for them.
You deserve a place in someone
That will never fade away.

I'm clearing out that space for you
Everyday we speak I get closer to
Understanding and accomplishing it.
Your mind will be the last hurdle we leap
Your mind will be our biggest success.
And you will finally understand my truth.
That while true love generously given is admirable
True love received will be your greatest truth.