tizzop is the lover of
a single mother  

years ago tizzop
knocked at our door
nighttime the remains of
day splattered across the floor

when you think of tizzop:

think of your last
déjà vu and what you
felt
think of early immigration:
the german belt

tizzop: a combination of
people lovin/people hatin'
pride of a nation yet
last letter standing in a
poem without ending

long time ago tizzop
knocked at our door
nighttime the remains of
day splattered across the floor

tizzop hungry; he asked for
food while slowly taking his hat off
to my mom; she delighted since she
saw into the eyes of a warrior acting
quite politely

then tizzop fainted and fell on
the floor obviously he was starving
mom fried some chicken

later at the table tizzop gobbled
bonez'n'skin;
the more i looked at tizzop's
traits the way he moved his
cheeks and chewed his food
i sensed that we were  
kin

nobody talked: familiar
silence filled the room

the more i looked at tizzop's
bossy smile and his
black teeth i was
reminded of something

like the déjà vu of a  
déjà vu

strong connection between
tizzop and me: he
stayed at our place and soon became

my brother
little by little mom turned him
into her lover

wanted to **** him but
didn't
**** it this poem gotz to be
hidden

I’ll bring you the moon
and the stars will come down for you tonight.
I hope that you will show up soon,
but I don’t see one trace of light.
I’m at dead end ruin,
I guess I should’ve made a right.
Bound to pop just like a balloon,
no need to apply strength or might.

So don’t try to stray
it will never be through,
you can’t run away,
she’s not done with you.

Climb out from the dark,
but take a break before you tire.
I thought that I did feel a spark
but realized that I’m on fire.
I’m ash; my body is an urn,
I beg to be spread and to be set free.
So blindingly bright you burn
but there’s no complaints from me.

So don’t try to stray,
it’s something you can’t do,
you can’t run away,
she’s not done with you.
Every night and day,
one thing rings true,
sidelined and kept at bay,
it’s just déjà vu.

You know I have nothing left to lose
but I’d still give all of my nothing over to you.
Out of options but there’s only one thing that I’d choose,
the only thing I know, but still a mystery lacking a clue.

Think of how beautiful life could be
and all of the colours that could come from grey.
Just take a single step towards me
and I’ll carry us both the rest of the way.

I won’t try to stray,
you know I’m stuck like glue,
I’ll never run away,
I’ll follow it through.
There’s nothing else to say,
one divided by two,
and come what may,
it’s all déjà vu.

I’ll keep my distance
but dream of you nightly.
But in this instance
you just shine so brightly.

The world’s light filters through my eyes
as the pitter-patter of rain draws on my window.
Looking to view the world I know well,
I find a river tracing over the edges
of something I once knew
filling me with Déjà vu.
Nostalgia becomes the only energy
worthy to have flowing through my body.
Thinking of the days I didn’t need
an endless river to free my time
because I was seven or eleven
and the world seemed so free.
Now I’m an eighteen year old me
and I miss the days that would now
feel like a sweet sweet release.

Feelings that were once lost
Knocking again at my door
Indeed a risk I crossed
But missing an opportunity, I abhor

Felt like I was in cloud nine
Not caring about anything
But the moment I blinked appeared a vine
That pulled me away from everything

Darkness everywhere nothing I see
The place reeks of despair and pain
The farther I was pulled the more it desecrates me
It never stopped, my sanity slain

:
your eyes are wandering
the ends of the earth,
all your mental prowess is steering
through the world in touch range,

a signal from now finds no
space to
place reality among my daydreams
in shorterm memory,
no room for a cookie, in my immediate mind,

etched there, to remember
as if touching now
were on our mind, as your eyes
wandered toward the ends of the earth,
filling all our temporal lobes with
memories of never beens.
So now's cookie is written as a been and done,
deeper in the mechanical amygdalic realm.

Now, in real time, eyes in head,

next step must
call on this info, cookied in the past
this math of relation
of vector to angle,
next is now, sudden
re cognized in the future,
it seems now,
as if all this happened before,
though truly, this now, is being done
while I was in another,
in
my mind wandering else where
at the time, evolving
involvement with
immediate impulses signaling
"stop, this is the edge of next."

So now, feels like deja vu as

autonomous lizard brain made room,
just in case the glimpse of reality
needs more looking into.

Deja vu. From an old man POV.
Been here. Done this.

Found joy under the ashes
everytime.

I know that face used to light up,
and I recognize that face here,
but I don’t know what to say,
cause I feel that face in my expressions
and I really thought it’d go away.

I am delighted and also frightened,
and I feel most ashamed
that after all this time,
our faces, some faces, these faces
look the same.

déjà vu
a fleeting feeling
that goes away
but the emotions stay
and for that second,
you’re alone.
you may be be surrounded
by loved ones
by friends
by laughter,
but if you’ve been here before,
what’s the point?
am I even real?