Healing isn’t a rapid art,
it takes time
to look your trauma in the eye
and welcome it home
but mine was already well alive
and he slept next to me in bed
like a hungry dog.
When I came out to my mother
she told me to avoid the dogs
that would come my way
but it wasn’t till I loved him
that I could see
a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
With a head to heavy to carry
I’ll empty my heart onto this page.
Hoping my words can vary
all the emotion i wish to display.
Watch me fumble and stumble over
the things ink spills so cleverly
so the rhythm of my heart
can beat all of my integrity.
So let me hold you close,
you can be my holy ghost,
I’ll pray that we can be
more than what’s seen.
I’ll add you to my scripture
and you can finally see
in the reflection of translated verses
a witch that makes god
weep at the beauty of an ink filled sea.
I'm lost in the booming thunder
and crackling wind but
staring into your eyes
I'm ready to fall into
the beauty of your moonlight.
My man in the moon, you are
such a breath taking view and
I've never been speechless before
laying in your night.
Darling, if this is the calm
I hope I'm carried away by the storm.
The world’s light filters through my eyes
as the pitter-patter of rain draws on my window.
Looking to view the world I know well,
I find a river tracing over the edges
of something I once knew
filling me with Déjà vu.
Nostalgia becomes the only energy
worthy to have flowing through my body.
Thinking of the days I didn’t need
an endless river to free my time
because I was seven or eleven
and the world seemed so free.
Now I’m an eighteen year old me
and I miss the days that would now
feel like a sweet sweet release.
While watching the summer’s sunset
he says, “I have all I need in my hand.
My world, chaos, hopes, and dreams.”
He tightens his grip against his lover’s
and I take a sip of my drink,
hoping to blur the emotions
of his dreams and my reality.
Maybe it’s the spirits in the air
or in my drink but i don’t think
this party is meant for dreams
when all I can see is that he’s not with me.
I never wake up
in someone else's arms
but that's okay.
I could let
loneliness devour all the happiness
flying into my window
but to allow
darkness to swallow light whole
wouldn't bring him back.
I have good days
and bad days
and I'm lost in between.
Chaos took me by my hand
like it was his own
just to watch me
**** my dreams.