As I sail the ocean blue fighting against the monstrous waves, I pray to God begging Him to bring me safely to shore. To perish and be buried at sea in a watery grave does not indulge me, but rather frightens me. I am not one who enjoys the sea, nay, the land is what I favor. Aye, there be where life itself resides, where true love rents a room and where true adventure drunkenly wanders the streets. Around every corner lies a new journey, a new face, a new story, but only if you are willing to find it.
      The waves strike the side of the vessel. The ship creaks and moans. I fix the sails to head northbound. The rain falls steadily against my skin, mixing with the sweat on my forehead. I desperately want to give in, to let the sea carry me where she wants instead of fighting with her. But I know when I reach land I will be rewarded with new life...
     Thunder crashes and lightning strikes above me. I crumble to the floor, cowering from fear. Lo! I must press on. Fear is a stowaway on this voyage, one I could not seem to toss off the side of the boat. He is like a shadow, only he is a constant, not fading in the darkness but rather thriving in it. I remain on the floor. I cry out to God, I cry out above the roaring waves, "take me as I am, take me as the coward I am!"
     The sea, she hungers for more victims. And me, I hunger for death. I hunger for the sweet release of this body I possess. Why, oh why have you abandoned me, God?! Why have you left me here to drown?! I beg you to take me now!
     Alas, silence from God but not the sea. She still roars, almost as if she's calling out to me... Calling out to me, telling me to jump... Dare I?
     The thought of jumping chokes me. Dare I drown this misery?
     Dare I die the way I am most terrified to die?


    I dare

We voyaged with contented vigour,
not a second glimpse to the blackened moon.
Bodies numb, fallen stiff to the chill
beneath dim urbanity -
only the warmth of us
thawing glacial palms.

Fractured hearts ruminate,
filling scars where voids once evident.
Further the night wandered,
I embark its goading path -
tantalised in speech
from such copper-buttoned eyes;
steeped with stories
of a past torn from its flesh
and dressed to resemble me.

Our ghosts confide,
beckoned forth in rich exchange;
the currency of gilded tongues.
Stitched as testament to brick fabric,
where apparitions tucked rest;
those musty Shoreditch steps.

they say there is no other life
but here inside this body
here within this skull
measured by the goodbyes
of countless nows
but to me there is
yes, outside this box
on the blank sheet
seemingly flat
endlessly deep
in infinite dimensions

So he sailed
Towards the insane weather
It rained furiously
A brave lonely sailor
In the Pacific
The sharks, killer whales
They all wanted to race
They betted to break his sail

It wasn’t that huge
Neither a Dutch-man
Nor a Black Pearl
He wasn’t even as Jack
The only mercy he could receive
Is from mother nature
Through the cloudy wild ocean
His voyage to find an island
Where no man will hurt
No human will be animal
No beasts could roar
Will never anchor until he discovers

His adventure won’t be told
Generations after him
He wasn’t having company
Of a strong lady
Or a strong child
He wasn’t expecting to find
A family where he’d anchor

In search for life
In search for peace
In search for humanity
He’ll sail to his death
On that lonely little boat

All the pains, I endure,
Are for you my love, to cure.
You might not love me today,
But I am sure there will be a day,
When the glaze between us will be gone.
From this cosmos we'll break-away.


Shattered glass lined in my path,
I will walk them, unfettered by wrath.
This beautiful voyage can be prolonged,
For your affection I will go beyond.


All the nights, I spent alone,
Every heartbeat to your memories I own.
You might not realize it today,
But I'm sure you will, when I say,
My whole life how much I've loved you.
From this cosmos we'll break-away.


Intensity of our velvety love,
Will be shielded eternally, I behove.
Just your consent is what I need,
Let the blossom grow out of seed.


All the time, I look at my quest,
All pains are worth you on my chest.
You might be unknown with it today,
But I'm sure you will know one day,
When glaze between us will be gone,
From this cosmos we will break-away.

Falling, not fallen
She was no man’s
But a nomad
She was the comet
Finally caught
In His gravity

Her celestial body
Lured beneath
Her stellar sails
By a solar flare
Lowering anchor

I wanted to be
I wanted to feel
I wanted to see
things as vast as a sea
in my pursuit- I lost myself
in this vast sea
I cannot see myself
find, or even be myself
deep down in this deep sea
i have lost myself to what i wanted
i could not see
i could not feel
i could not be
I have dissolved into these monstrous blues
I have become bait to these monstrous blues
I have become part of this deep sea
that i have always dreamt of- and now
I am afraid, I am not who i am
who am i, I asked again
In these million waves
the sea is in me
salt in my blood and bones
i am lost in myself- i have drowned
in this voyage of life

-Kaya