Stuffed on chicken wire,
no rooster in the yard.

I’m practicing magic
while the lawnmower rides.

Funny that,
said her valentine.

They hadn’t yet learned
there’s so much to know,

her body opening
like a rose.

we took deep breaths of each other's presence
both dreading the exhale
but you were the one that lit me up
and ceased to acknowledge that the buzz would remain after you put me out.
it's been a month of hiding from my infatuation with you
behind the bodies of those that couldn't change the fact that not being you made them useless to me.
it's been a whole ******* month since I've felt your kiss, petted your dog, lusted over your words, gotten lost in your smile, been enlightened by your stories, and been called beautiful in the midst of my vulnerability.
you were my valentine
oblivious to your ability to stop time,
that's why a month has felt like a century
even though it was the shortest month of the year.

Because I’m a fat ***.
Because I was already irritated.
The way you were hanging on me.
The work I need to do.
The food in my stomach metabolizing straight to my
thighs/hips/arms/face/calves/cheeks/***/waist/chest.

Who are you anyway?
My guts were black like charcoal and twice as gritty.

**** Sundays.
**** Valentine’s.
**** fancy dinners
**** new clothes
**** sleeping in
**** food anyway.
**** being nice.
**** being sweet.

Because you called me pretty
And I can’t stand the lies that are so sticky sweet
and make messes and gather all the dirt from the air
and somehow it’s still sticky and now it’s black and you can’t scrub it off.

Because you throw around things like “love” and “forever”
and “beautiful”
but they’re too heavy for me to catch and all they do is leave me with
bruises.

And bruises just remind me of fat.

Because you still don’t know that I’m
Stupid and fat and ugly and crazy.

Because you make it hard for me to feel bad.

Because you throw around things like “forever”
and this is the only way I can catch it.

With a breath of life
We used all our might
To travel the skies
In our great disguise.
To the Outer Rim
And then the Deep Core.

Coruscant beware
*** ***** going down
Worst than Alderaan.
Upon fleets of ships.
In the snow and sand.
We can see it all.

But there is one thing
Something to mention.
The Force may be strong
But not for too long
So quit wasting time
Be my valentine

I don't have pull with Cupid's bow
Or chocolate covered hearts
No shiny things or fancy rings
To set my love apart!
We may not have the biggest house
Or grandest way to live
Yet not a man alive today
Has this much love to give!
You must believe the words I say
I love you so my dear
I can't afford the finer things
So let me make it clear-
Since actions speak a million words
Each time I hold you tight-
I'm telling you I love you so-
A trillion times each night!
I don't just speak these words I say
And trust you will believe,
I plan to show you everyday
With love you will receive!
I promise you not on this earth
You'll find a love like mine,
So as this day of love comes soon-
Please be my valentine

i don't blow kisses,
nor do i send hearts
made of broken paper construction
and lots of missing parts

I love your hair when you've just woken up.
I love your tired voice.
I love when you're kissing me and we start laughing.
I love the way just touching you skin to skin makes me feel home.
I love the faces you make in photos.
I love how many different shades of green your eyes are.
I love how you can never stay awake through a movie, but you'll say you're paying attention if I ask.
I love that you throw things when you're frustrated, cause it means you let it out and don't let it hurt you inside. Broken things can be fixed. Broken people are much harder to resolve.
I love when you sing along to your favorite songs and send me videos.
I love your writing.
I love that when you're drunk, all you want is me.
I love that when I kiss you it feels like we can't live without each other.
I love how truly, truly kind you are.
I love your colorful swear words.
I love taking care of you.
I love how you are always there for me.
I love holding your hand.
I love your integrity and how much you want to reach your goals.
I love your courage. You're so brave, and I don't even know if you realize.
I love that I always know when you're done sneezing, cause you only say "choo!" on the very last one.
I love that we say good night every night.
I love staying in bed with you ALL day.
I love when you make your inner monologue outer and I can hear all your beautiful, funny, brilliant thoughts.
I love that you don't let anyone treat you badly.
I love how much you love your dog.
I love your hands.
I love the way your neck smells.
I love falling asleep in your arms.
I love all the accents you do.
I love that curl that always goes inside out.
I love that you can make me laugh until I cry.
I love how much I want you, all the time.
I love that you have a cardboard cutout of that guy (Niall, as you told me vehemently) from one direction.
I love planning a life with you, and laughing and joking about naming our kids odd things, but knowing that underneath we are really going to have a life together.
I love that the only tears I ever shed over you are tears of love, laughter, and joy.
I love that you kept the rose I gave you on our first date.
I love how much I trust you.
I love that you love all the things about me I was worried nobody would ever love.
I love that you want to talk to me all the time the same way I want to talk to you all the time...
But most of all
I just love you. Always.

Valentines Day 2016

in past lives,
my heart was a corn maze with no end
and I wandered aimlessly
searching for answers and explanations
to questions I did not know existed

I viewed life through a kaleidoscope
of blurred colors and fine lines
that could never be crossed,
fixated at stars whenever I kept my head up
for a little longer than necessary
in order to catch a glimpse
of hopes falling faster than my eyelids could
drop to tango,
at the end of a dizzying afternoon