I had a dream about someone last night.
About being wrapped up
In tree trunk arms
That we're not encased in bark
But rather some warm,
Soft skin
That would graze up against my cheek.
I dreamed of how their rose petal lips
Would search for my face in the dark,
And how their words would end up resonating in my head,
Like when you howl into the black of a cave
And it screams back to you.
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
But I also dreamed about
My journals burning.
My thoughts,
Sketches,
And lists.
All crumbled,
Spread into ashes
And then gone with the wind.
I dreamed of
Leaping ten feet into the air
And coming down so fast and hard
That I broke every bone in my body
And they couldn't put me back together again.
Now,
I'm sure you can say that the last two dreams mentioned
Weren't dreams,
But rather
Nightmares.
But what about the first one?
Knowing that it will never happen?

From a distant
i'm looking at you
Looking at the beauty
i finally found

My hands are trying..
Trying to touch you
To feel the softness of your skin,
And the gentleness of your touch

This mouth is screaming..
Screaming your name
My mind is spinning wild,
Thinking of you..

If only this is real..
You are real
I am real
But the love isn't

Maybe one day,
This will be real..
Even though it's going to be real
only for me, in my dream.

In the scripts playing inside my head you were there to listen.
You were there to talk,
To organize our chaos and to make sense of those wasted days when we could never connect the dots in this cosmic puzzle.
Words are all I need, the right words that can reincarnate the colors of this desaturated conspiracy,
Coming out of your nervous lips as your eyes misplace its focus in the light of my blushing face.

In my head, we were both lost in the midst of something that can fix us.

Kung dito ba ay ako'y maniniwala

At kapag ipinakita
Ipinaramdam
Ipadala ko sa aking mga panaginip

Na, oo, mahal kita.

Babalik din kaya?

****-sabi na aking mahal
Upang sa pag-dilat ng aking mata sa umaga
Ay alam kong hindi na ako aasa

Every single girl, he thought
he was deeply in love with,
one after the other
were opinionated mirrors,
only capable of unfaithful reflection,
interpreting him the way each pleased,
no two reflections, ever did coincide!

Where is the real him,
he always wondered
how fickle it all looked,
the place he stood by mere chance,
did make a difference, it turned out,
the dance, the dance, like one is made to walk
over the burning red  coal bed continues.

A bar of it, I was back smoking dope, happy.

You and I always boasted of being different
Not following stupid teenage mistakes
At least when it came to each other
We knew what we were
And no other opinion mattered

The first time I slept over
We stayed up all night
Watching silly late night flicks
You lay across my lap
So intimate for acquaintances
A new beginning perhaps
We wondered secretly
As you kissed my hand sleepily

The first time we slept in the same bed
An unconscious action of innocent drunks
We laid side by side barely touching only our hands held together
We drifted to our own happy places

The first time we said I love you
Was not at romantic sunset beaches
We declared it matter of factly
To others
As we scorned at the idea of "us"
Pointing sneakily we whispered
"But there's nothing there"

The first time your hands reached into forbidden territory
I was hiding in fear of brutal killings on a 10 inch flat screen
We lay in each others arms
Moving slowly against our heat
Wondering what was going on
For this was not expected
It was never even a possibility

The first time I said I wanted more
Wasn't a session of exchanged emotions
Rather a battle of cruel words
Flung blindly at each other
Intentions not to hurt but only confused at the rapidly changing reality

The first time you said we needed a break
You convinced yourself of your mature decision
But I knew this to be another beginning
Beginning of our end
For we no longer knew what we were
And evil whispers gained importance over unsaid feelings

The first time you walked past me like I didn't exist
I didn't cry or breakdown
From the corners of my eyes I saw you greet others with a smile
But it was a smile I no longer knew
A face I no longer recognised
A body I no longer remembered

I never was one of your famous escapades
I never was a night you'd always remembered
I almost became another one timer
But never a notch on your bed post

This pride tastes sour,
and the dignity bittersweet,
and all I can taste
is your lips touching mine.

All I can feel is
our skin so tight together and,
your voice saying
our hands fitted perfectly.

Where are they now?
I can't even recognize
myself without you
or trust the decisions I made
when I was high
with your smell.

It is like a facade that
has fallen  and,
I'm staring at the
same black wall, I
thought had left, but
in fact it never left.

It wasn't real
and yet
this broken heart, is
killing me
though.

Imagination
One step away from our world
Too far for some souls

I can't stop thinking about her.
She invaded my thoughts.
She is my thoughts.

Constant image of her.
Constant sounds of her laugh echo.
Her smile constantly blinds me from my daily endeavors.

She is everything.
She is unreal.
She is nothing.
She is not mine.
She is not my thoughts.
She is my mind.

I'm nothing without her.