Daddy,
I know when I was born it was stressful; you already had two boys that needed your attention. But I needed you too and I know you gave me as much time as you could. You were busy I get it; that’s why you were never home. I’m not sure where you were or what you were doing especially late at night; but as long as it was more important than your children then it was okay right? Don’t worry you weren’t the only one to blame, Mommy wasn’t around much either. She was always working to make up for what you couldn’t supply us with. During the day at Home Depot and at night McDonalds, I know it wasn’t her dream job but you both started a family before either of you were ready. Mommy was the backbone of the family; she picked up the slack for all the things you seemed to lack. Because of both of your absences, this forced us to stay with our aunts the majority of the time; not that I ever minded, I love them so much and we always had a great time. But Daddy what you don’t realize to this day is what a girl without a father can turn into. Once you and Mommy split and the divorce was final I hoped day and night you would want a custody battle. Not because I thought you would be a better fit for us to live with but because it would have shown your kids you care, especially your little princess. Instead Mom got us during the week and you on the weekends but that soon ended when you met your new mistress. I was seven years old, and impressionable child and you walked right out of my life. Some parents pass away causing a child to become orphaned; but not you, you were in perfect health and perfect stature and you made the decision to leave. Do you even know how much I was hurting? Daddy you changed me and I don’t know if it was for the better. My father figure was PJ, my older brother, my entire world; if it wasn’t for him I don’t know who of where I would be today. But he eventually left me to however not for the same reasons as you. He went into the Air Force and did some good for his country; but that hurt to because after he left I felt truly alone, I had no one to tell all my secrets too. Nobody that I knew I could trust with my life. Daddy you’re the reason for all of my insecurities. You’re the reason I don’t see beauty or worth in myself; I look into the mirror and see a stranger staring back. I look into my eyes and I see you and that scares me so much. I don’t want to be you; but it’s inevitable. I don’t know the person I’ve become. I am afraid of myself and how is someone suppose to live like that? You’re the reason I can’t get close to anyone without the fear that one day without the least bit of warning they will just get up and walk away, I mean that’s how it works right? You are the reason I’m so quiet around people. You are the reason I’m fake. You’re the reason I have regrets in my life. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of and I lie to the ones I’m suppose to love. I want to believe that you leaving was a good thing, like Mommy always said you were a dead beat father anyway. But I can’t say that. You were absent for 8 straight years of my life. Not a single phone call or a simple text asking how my day was or even an I love you. And worst of all I didn’t even know where I could find you. When you finally came back into my life it was 8 years to late and all the money and gifts couldn’t buy back my love. Daddy, I use to say I love you every night and pray that one day you would see that light that Daddy I could be a good girl. I use to ask myself what I did wrong; why wasn’t I good enough? To this day I ask myself how can I be good enough for anyone or loved by anyone if my own father couldn’t even stand me? I know you tried hard to make up for the lost years but you are a stranger to me now. I don’t know who you are anymore and I don’t know what to believe. And Daddy you know what hurt the most, making Father’s Day presents in school. I never said anything but I always wondered who to give them to because I didn’t have a Daddy. But can I tell you a secret? Mommy’s not all that I thought she was either. Nights I thought she was working late and mornings when I thought she left early were all a lie. I found out now that she never came home the night before. She was out with other men as much as you were with other women. And Daddy after the divorce, Mommy would send us to our aunts again so that she could try to find a man to take your place. You both aren’t really all that different and i know you don’t want to admit it but you both care more about a ****** partner than your own ****** children.

My father never left me
I came to him every day
I knew he loved me
And he disciplined me for only good

My father never hurt me
Unless it was for fun for me
He thought precious things of me: For me
I was drowned in love

My father never knew me
i grew into my own
I neglected his love that God planted in him for me
He grew old and weary and began to drive me crazy

I never knew my father
i began searching for him
When I found him. I recieved love and pleasure
I found myself lost as i called for my daddy

My father is my daddy
He made me his plan with his lover
To nurture me, support and take care of me
The way I've always known him is as my daddy

My daddy is not my father
My daddy does not exist
The ******* i *** while in my bed annihilate me
My inadequacies face me eye to eye

My daddy loves me so much
I keep his life going and going
He knows God and His blessings by me
His passions are the cosmos of life's reality for me

My daddy is who i realize he is
My daddy is who i realize he is
He was my daddy and always will be
He was my daddy as my heart lost my daddy

congratulations,
you are unloved;
undissolved in a world you
watch through glass.

and once again,
you are nine; in the bathroom,
on that floor, as
the blue tiled walls reflect,
and replay
over and over and
over,

and
you wish that
you never truly woke up, from
the strange mix of dream
and reality you
succumbed to long ago,

like a princess, at
rest;
wrapped in thorns

maybe
you'd never have had to pack
that sleepover bag every time
he made you cry,
.
leak

even as the tv still played
cartoons, snot still
ran, and you still
bled (and left).

Having googled and failed to find the right metaphor
to express this all too familiar phase in life,
the alarmingly low levels of self-esteem
conveniently stepped up to suggest,
a fresh pineapple at the local supermarket
during the harshest of Finnish winter.
Its exotic and festive look draws attention,
everyone wants a bite but no one knows how the **** to peel it.
So they observe with great curiosity from just far enough,
to avoid touching the prickly leaves or skin.
The go to center piece of any, maybe just hipster, parties,
misplaced on top of an excruciating variety of pizzas,
spiking Sangria since the beginning of time,
and most appreciated upside down on cakes.
It draws attention and triggers discussions,
but no one knows what to do or how to feel about it,
except to watch with keen interest from a dramatized distance,
and take the canned stuff home instead.

There is s boy.
Always reaching.
For what is just out of reach.
The boy knows he will grow.
Even after the disappointment of not being enough.
Does he cling to the wall.
Patient.
Eyes fixed.
The cadaver bellow.
Grows as well.
Some days it feels as if it will grow limbs.
Just to rip him from crossing the finish line.
Each day is a sacrifice.
A communion with death.
For losing a piece of oneself.
Is a small price.
To be able to...
Live.
Love a day longer.
Only too many days have inched by.
Too many scars have been accumulated to be seen any other way.
All the pain.
Is met with disgust.
No one would dare lock eyes with such a grotesque.
Being..
The cries of agony and sorrow.
Are heard only as rage and hate.
Sadly.
Should the next ledge come into reach.
It is unknown.

Claiming you love me;
Yet you insult, yell
And emotionally abuse me.
If that's what love is,
Then I want none of it.

Rejected
I am cast out
For no one cares
What I am thinking about

Love is overrated
And I do not deserve any of it
For I have done too much wrong
To be forgiven

I'd like to be loved
But what is that to you
You simply care
About nothing but yourself

You say things that burn a whole in me
You tell me to be
Someone I am not meant to be
You make me see the things
No one should ever have to see

Why can't you be more caring
And just love me the way I am
Instead of just staring at me
And pointing out my mistakes

Rejected and alone
I look for a home
But turn up emtpy
And completely unknown

Then you my father
Took me in again
Only to beat me
And put me in pain
For I am worthless to you
And deserve to be
Without any hope
To have or see

Having taken my last strike
I am dying from being alone
My whole entire life
If only I was loved
Then I would have something to strive
To be
To want
To have
But maybe
I'm better off alone
Drifting in the bottomless sea...

I haven't a place in this world
I have no one to trust
I have a need to hide
I have a want to trust
I have a want to love
And to be loved for in return
I have a need to glove
My feelings and my hurt
So no one will every know
How much I feel like dirt...

you love how your sun rises bright
though she always sets by noon
i promise to be by your side
like the persistence of the moon

but let me know if her brightness stings
if its past dawn and u couldnt sleep
let my waning light meet ur skin
take shelter in my muted dim

let my downy embrace envelope
your every lesion
cautiously i will stroke
every region
she must have missed

but who can blame her
no one is ever surprised about this
you can leave anyone in distrait
with that wicked smile on your face

now as we are on the verge of daybreak
shes rises back as a ravishing view
always as beautiful as our eyes can take
so who can blame you?