I can hear you beg for it

But I'll never write you a love song

This isn’t a physiological thriller

I’m not Betty Davis

Still, I'm wondering

Whatever happened to "Ever ever after"?

I’d rather be Singing in the Rain

Than holding back tears waiting for a key

To unlock my chest



Convince me I need this too

Because I never thought the hardest thing I’d ever do

Would be hating you



I try avoiding slipping through the cracks

Into the trenches, but anchors pull me under

I try to dream outside of war, but memories haunt my days

I had no intention of staying

But I feel your hands around my waist

And it begins again

Some people have it better in life. Period. Accept that and work harder instead of expecting equality.

Who are you to say, who I choose to love?
Who are you to say, who I pray to?
Who are you to say, I must be this way?
Who are you? I haven’t got a clue.
You say, “Actions unite a society.
You must act accordingly, you must!
Be normal, be how we have always been
Then, in you we shall place our trust.
If you don’t agree to this, Go away
Away from here, you do not belong!
Leave us in peace, we don't need you.
We send you off, for without you, we’re strong.”

But I’ll ask you: do I deserve to die?
Am I so disgusting I can’t live?
How can you decide I must die this way?
What have I done that you can’t forgive?

For the fourth time this week,
I drove down J imagining you were in the seat next to me,
Telling me how much of a nerd I was for mouthing the words to the song playing.
Bayside had always been our favorite band,
This ride did not change that.
I mouthed that you were my rock so long as I was yours and you just smiled.
I awake from my reverie.
Fourteen hours later and you’ve hardly spoken to me today.
It’s normal, though, as you’re a busy guy.
This is what I’ve been telling myself for three years.
I apologize to the voices in my head for your behaviour.
“We’ve talked about this,”
I say,
“We’re not going to try anything because of the distance.”
I sigh to myself and erase the message I’ve typed out for you.
It’s the fifth time I’ve done it this hour,
Seeing as you never responded to the last.
Last time you said you loved me was three days ago.
I told you I love you two hours ago and you called me a nerd.
“Nerd.”
I take a deep breath at the thought of the word.
I try to replace it with something different.
“Love.”
“Beautiful.”
Beautiful.
You’ve called me beautiful, right?
I scroll through our messages, looking for a time where you might have.
I only find you telling me my smile “kills” you.
Those words still make me melt, and I hate it.
I hate myself for loving you like this.
I hate myself for hating myself for loving you,
As I convince myself again,
For the hundredth time,
That you do.
I’ve been begging for a sign that you do.
One aside from your words.
“Actions speak louder than words,”
I remind myself,
And think back to an action.
What have you done?
I can’t help but wonder if the songs you wrote about me,
Loving me,
And us,
Were sent to another.
The lack of specification in said songs makes me swallow hard.
I think back to the night you told me you broke down with your friend.
You told him everything,
How you’ve loved me for years,
How you’ve never been able to do something about it.
How you tell me you date so many girls but always think of me.
How I believe you.
I’m scared, now.
Every day that we’re apart,
I can’t help but worry and doubt.
Am I just some... toy?
I can’t help wonder to myself if I am,
And I scroll through our messages.
I’m torturing myself, really.
As I scroll I reflect on the amount;
Thousands of messages collected over the past three years.
Three years--
Why would you spend that much time ‘toying’ with someone?
My heart swells,
As do tears.
I erase the message I’ve typed out to you.
That's the sixth time this hour.
The cycle will repeat until I fall asleep,
One last unsent message sitting in my palm.
I stare at the screen, waiting for my eyes to close.
They don't.
"active now"
it reads under your name.
I stare at your display picture.
For the fourth time this week, I pretend you’re staring back.
And for the... what was it?
I’ve lost count.
I pretend you’re listening and I turn off the screen.*
“Goodnight, I love you. Sweet dreams.”

I am knees deep in a quick sand
designed for people like me
by a system that thrives
on a climate of fear
Obtaining knowledge while selling my soul
Profit driven suits,  
splurging words about our rights
and our duties
Camouflaging their own self-interest
Playing monopoly on knowledge
Convincing us,
that chasing that silly piece of paper
is the only option
Concealing the true cost that
comes with knowledge
One most of us will never be able to afford
An ocean of debt,
one I will surely pay until I'm dead
Behold the loophole though,
silver spooned fed mouths
need not sink nor swim
That hollowed shaped silver
holding them high above ground
While the rest of us sink
limb by limb
into a quicksand that was designed for people like us

Sometimes, you gotta let some ships just sail away.

Because eventually, you'll either learn to swim.

Or that ship will disappear beyond the horizon.

Either way, you won't be on-board.

And somehow, you've got to be ok with that.

School is just a prison.
White walls.
Strict rules.
Itching souls.
School is just a prison.
After all,
we're told what to wear,
when to eat,
what to do,
what to say,
how to behave.
School is just a prison.
What voice do students have?
What power do we hold?
What checks and balances exist by us?
Like prisoners,
all we can do,
is bow our heads and just
take it.

I laugh all time
    but with him
I giggle non-stop
Cause Life's too complicated
&  He makes me Thinkin' to something else
like *** , like couple , like other's life , like win

I crie too much
    but with him
I crie mucher than that
Cause Life's Unfair
& He makes me See different thinks
like other problem , others couple problems , like drama , like lose

For Some poeple it caled Boyfriend
For Some Other it caled Husband
For Some Otaku it caled Manga-anime
For Some Geeks it caled **Games