It's never good job
Or thank you
Or keep up the good work
U only criticize me for why?
You put on a show for your friends
And Your telling them a lie
That's why after every performance
We as a "family" going out to eat is of great importance
Yet even though it's in "celebration" of me
You force me to go somewhere that I don't even wanna be
Somewhere that I absolutely despise
I'll pretend that I'm not hurt and that its all alright
But it's kinda hard when there aren't any good vibes
The whole time there's ALWAYS arguing
It's like destroying my happiness is all that yall've  been targeting
And there's never any actual congratulating
I'll put my head down because the sound of your constant yelling is mutilating
But me trying to ignore you guys is apparently irritating
So I have to keep performing
Put on a show that'll keep me from conforming
To the actions that I really wanna take
You say be who you wanna be don't be opaque
and then raise me to be fake
Your giving me a headache
No ur giving me a heartache
Everyday I'm greeted at the door with insults
Hating my family a little more are the usual results
And you know it's quite sad
Because family's all that I have
These four people who are currently living in the same house
Or should I say my dad and his spouse
They're all that I've got which is why I stick to myself
I'm tired
I'm  not gonna continue to rebel
*** all it does is give me hell

You run and hide
Playing hide and seek with my heart
When I find you
You keep hiding in darker places
Its not fair
You are much better at this game than I am

I realize you're taken but that it isn't fair.
You make me feel beautiful, smart, wanted.
When you're with me everything else melts away.
If you don't love me then at least pretend you're in love.

The sleepless nights,
The isolation that dwells upon my soul,
The shallow and emptiness in my heart,
The pain I am in,
The tears that stream down my eyes,
Why don't you see the hurt in my broken smile,
My insides are crushing and pulling me in their depths,
This is unfair,
I really deserve my rights,
My mouth speaks against with such intensity,
But somehow can't address what I want to say,
I'm cursed with such cruelty,
I will avenge my fate and get what I want.

Let me taste the smouldering ashes of your regret

I want you to feel me burning this time

Just a whiff just will not cut the mustard this day..

I need to know your sorry but not through your words or your actions

I want it to be sewn to my life ****** so I can show the world how I've been wronged.

I need to stumble this time for real, coughing air too intoxicated to breathe and spit blood I know for certainty could not of been my own.

To paralyse this fear in me and finally have something to call my own




This moment


"I wanted to breathe smoke"

I hate how
you still make me
feel warm like a summers
day like you used
to

I have been fearing death
since five years old
when people told me stories
of ghosts and graves

I have feared it even more
when I lost someone special
lost someone who raised me
and gave me love for the first time

But I have missed
a terribly important aspect of death
his sibling, change
and he is everywhere, in all forms

I have never feared
anything more than change
for I never liked asking why, how,
and what did I do to deserve this

No one asked for this, but the siblings had
That is when we see the cruelty and unfairness of life
Of how we are not in charge of our own fate
And how it has been laid the moment we were born

I feel broken today. I feels as though everyone who looked at me saw how torn I was.  As if they were counting how many pieces of him were stuck in my skin like broken glass. Little bits and pieces stuck everywhere he touched me. How can everyone count them all the loose pieces...the deep ones. I have lost count. Though he may not be near me, that doesn't mean he doesn't have power over my everyday life. It's unfair that other little girls got to be princesses and pirates. When all I did was sleep off the bruises and ignore the yelling. But. It's my hand of cards that I was delt, and I'm going to try to do the best I can at winning this game because it's my game to win; not his and I'm ready to stand up and defeat him.