I love you.

And sometimes I wish I didn't.

Because waking up without you isn't the same.
Am I really sleeping if I'm screaming your name?
You're in all my dreams,
And I'm scared to fall asleep.
I don't wanna see you if I can't ever hold you again.

The last time I saw you,
You were out with your friends.
You completely ignored me.
It hurt all over again.
My bones rattled,
And my heart sighed..
When you walked away,
I died inside.

You left and didn't even take a glance back.
But I always check my mirrors when I'm driving.
Sometimes I see you behind me,
And I'll stomp the breaks.
Only to look up to see your face.
But then it vanishes,
Just like you did.

If it's her and not me, go.
Please go.
Don't make this any harder.
My heart has been through tornados and tsunamis,
But nothing could prepare it for this.
For you leaving.
For this heartache.
For you choosing her over me.
Over
And over.
Again
And again.

If it's her and not me, leave.  
Take your bags and walk out the door.
But don't you dare look back,
You've left me before.
Without a doubt in your mind,
And I was a fool to let you back into my heart.
This time was the last time.
This is your choice.
You chose.  
It's her.
Not me.
So go.

I've spent a year
Loving you
With nothing in return.

I think it's time to stop.

You anger me
I am my best
You scream
I try to whisper
You lie to me
I know the truth
You are bipolar
I try to accept you
Please,
Just stop

They say that poetry
Holds an inner
Fire.

Well, if you're reading this
I hope your hands
Are scalded
Beyond recognition

i..

Write poetry that doesn't deserve to be written in ink.

i..

Dream about things that i know won't happen but still hope.

i..

Don't see my future at all even though i talk about it all the time.

i..

Hold my breathe every night before i go to sleep until i see black spots and act like i see the corner of death.

i..

Am aware that the only thing i am so sure about makes me terrified.

i..

Never been so scared.

i..

Never been so accepting.

i..

Never been so found and lost at the same time.

i..

Continue to act to some people's eyes.

i..

Don't know.

Whenever I try to get over you by getting with someone new, I always find myself wishing they were you.

I wish I could put into words
The way I still reach for you
In my sleep