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Nik May 2016
My name is Daisy,
like the flower.
People tell me all the time not to **** myself,
they'll miss me.

I've never seen anyone cry over a dead flower.
This time last year I was writing letters
Apologising for the way I feel
And the way I have always felt
Trying to shift blame onto my own selfish consciousness
And the methods to drown it out
Methods that left more than just physical scars
This year I am no longer writing letters
But every breath is like swallowing glass
My heart beats languid and slow
Every cell of me is fatigued
I sleep all the time and I never feel awake
Fully consumed in the guilt of who I am
And how it must hurt people to love me
So no, I am no longer writing letters
But I am still revising the words.
I wanted to be better
I should have been better
It isn't getting better
Nik May 2016
i have nothing left but these pills of mine
bottoms up
humdrum May 2016
i chew my cheeks when
i'm nervous and lately
they've been raw
i feel like a train wreck
in progress and everybody's
just stopped for the show
the help i need is so close and
if i had a voice i'd use it but
**** it, it gets so hard to
talk through the voices
of the people in front
of me and the ones
between my ears
humdrum May 2016
i think my body is
falling apart and i
know it doesn't have
to but it's so hard to
help yourself when
everyone else needs
your help more
Nik May 2016
Sometimes I sit and wonder about the past.
I reflect and let it affect my present- my future-
It makes me wonder if I can ever really put it past me.

Sometimes- most times- I sit and think about what you did to me.
I was never this angry until I met you, I had never lost my temper over the slightest of issues.
My anger was locked in a cage, like a lion in a den, away from all walks of life, because it was too ferocious
too loud, too dangerous to let loose.

You made me feel like a lion.

You made me feel like a lion, but told me I was a butterfly.
You were adding extra security to the cage while making me thinking you were trying your hardest to pry it open.
You forced me to believe that you, and only you, could ever love someone like me-
A lion- I mean butterfly.

I refer to you as my ex-girlfriend even though I can still feel your words caress my skin.
Even though every time I see a picture of you or hear your name my heart still skips a beat,
even though it still feels like I'm a lion, trapped in a cage, as if you still have a hold on me.

I still refer to you as an ex-girlfriend even though you never acted like it.
You told our friends that I was frail- too fragile to hold- too hard to love,
But before you, I was gorilla glass- protective and strong,
But you made me feel like a lion and told me I was a butterfly, so my default mode began to play second fiddle.

I don't think I want you back.
I'm starting to find happiness in others,
Solitude only comforts me when I can feel my anger- the lion within me, trying to break free from the cage.
I've met someone who tells me I'm a beautiful,
Someone who is trying to help me break free from the cage without tearing my claws off.
Who lets me know I am a lion, but I could be a butterfly, and that either or is okay.

I hope that whomever you decide is worthy to join the circus you've declared yourself the lion tamer of is strong enough to say no and walk away.
Shannon Delaney May 2016
She calls you in the middle of the night
Her voice as sharp as knives
And she says she wants to die
Not to **** herself
Never
Only she doesn't want to be alive
No one knows better than you
Poetry challenge: acrostic using your name
SAM May 2016
I look at her, waiting for her to say something.
her voice is a sound I crave, loving it when she screams.
I loved her tongue, which used to belong to me, it tasted like
red candy apples, the ones you get at a carnival.
the cinnamon would claw at the back of my throat, but I didn't care
I couldn't get enough.
your eyes are light, almost too light, blindingly so
where mine are dark, like the other side of the moon.
and how ironic is it that the universe would have us collide?
I huff
what? she says.
I notice her eyes are starting to lose their color
pale blue fading to grey, the color of a corpse.
I speak
leaving your body covered in marks.
I didn't mean to cut you, to make you bleed, to cause you pain
but I have a bad habit of destroying things are are not mine.
now your covered in red clay, I've painted you copper.
she speaks
don't leave I say, my hand extending forward
I burn her, but didn't mean to
the monster in my heart did that, not me
she screams from the touch
I should feel remorse but how can I when her scream sounds so lovely?
I can't bring myself to explain
she turns away, but I don't want her to go
please, save me I plead
She doesn't turn to face me again but I know
her eyes are white now, purer than the color of bone.
she leaves anyway
leaving me alone with her fading presence still lingering in the room,
enough to form a memory to bind her to.
she's might be gone but in my mind, she is there
with the others,
treasures I keep close.
I place her wings in my trophy case.
SAM May 2016
you look at me waiting to hear the next word
what do you want me to say?
my tongue is a bridge between truth and lies,
each word delicately placed but still at the edge of falling.
eyes shoot down only to look back up again.
moons dance in your eyes and I can't seem to touch them.
heat is pressed against me, insects crawl on my skin.
you huff
what? I say as my head snaps up
you look at me again,
moons are morphing into constellations
and I can't see you.
your tongue is sharp as it cuts me from left to right.
so sharp that I don't notice the pain
not until I see the trickle of blood flow across my pale skin,
I am the canvas you painted.
I am covered in rust, like an old car left outside for too long
forgotten as these years.
I need to wash myself
don't leave you say, with your hand reaching out,
you touch my arm and I holler in pain
a burn mark where you touched me so softly.
I look up, there are no longer stars gleaming, sparkling against the night sky but black voids in your eyes.
I need to leave
my hand grazes the golden door ****
the gold is soaking into my skin.
please, save me you say
sounding so smooth, so rehearsed.
I don't look back as the door behind me shuts
my eyes are open but suddenly I see.
Roo May 2016
Dear David,

You tore your way through my life, leaving a devastation known only to a few. When you were done, you picked at my intimacies until I had nobody left. But I'm no longer afraid of the big bad wolf. This is my revenge.

1. I'd balance a gas light above your head and set it alight. When you go running to your friends about my torture they'd smell an unconfrontable unease that would turn them away.
2. I'd cut out your tongue and push my fist down your throat, my fingers indulging in the gushing scarlet, invading your warm insides until your breathing is cut off and I reach your voice box.
3. I'd yank it out, celebrating in your juices that run down my arm. Now, when you turn to your dearest, they will only see the fear in your eyes when they mention my name.
4. I'd carve lost trenches into your arms so that the reminder of our war could never be forgotten. There's a rare kind of memory that makes you ache for it to leave.
5. I'd etch the word 'love' onto the back of your throat and watch you choke on it. I'd hope that every time this happened, you would be reminded of me and the quirky ways I showed my affection.
6. I'd leave you squirming in pain for days on end, my back turned in silence as the shackles slowly embrace your body.
7. I'd decide that you had been punished enough and nurse you back into health, stitching your tongue back on in zig zagged attempts to apologise.
8. The next day, I'd slowly unpick the shallow stitches and start the whole process again.
9. I'd blame you for my actions. 'Baby it's your fault you make me do these things, you're just too irresistible ' I'd whisper seductively to you as my knife slips down to your groin.
10. I'd render you useless to the rest of the world, steal your thoughts with my kiss and blow them into the wind. The altered version of them would reach our friends before your voice did. The silence that echoed only added to the rumours.
11. I'd slip my knife sexily between your skin, opening up a hole so that your entire vulnerability would be glowing.
12. I'd empty the entirety of your guts onto the floor and smile as the gas light falls on to your slumpened body.  A fire will erupt over it, burning the last shreds of hope as your lips will begin to melt. Gone are the mechanisms that may have led them to believe.
13. That night, I'd bathe in your guts, ******* over the feeling of power as your burnt corpse smoked nearby.
Dear David,
I hope you some day come across this poem and finally realise the entirety that you held over me.
In your grasp forever,
Rosie.
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