Sometimes I sit and wonder about the past.
I reflect and let it affect my present- my future-
It makes me wonder if I can ever really put it past me.

Sometimes- most times- I sit and think about what you did to me.
I was never this angry until I met you, I had never lost my temper over the slightest of issues.
My anger was locked in a cage, like a lion in a den, away from all walks of life, because it was too ferocious
too loud, too dangerous to let loose.

You made me feel like a lion.

You made me feel like a lion, but told me I was a butterfly.
You were adding extra security to the cage while making me thinking you were trying your hardest to pry it open.
You forced me to believe that you, and only you, could ever love someone like me-
A lion- I mean butterfly.

I refer to you as my ex-girlfriend even though I can still feel your words caress my skin.
Even though every time I see a picture of you or hear your name my heart still skips a beat,
even though it still feels like I'm a lion, trapped in a cage, as if you still have a hold on me.

I still refer to you as an ex-girlfriend even though you never acted like it.
You told our friends that I was frail- too fragile to hold- too hard to love,
But before you, I was gorilla glass- protective and strong,
But you made me feel like a lion and told me I was a butterfly, so my default mode began to play second fiddle.

I don't think I want you back.
I'm starting to find happiness in others,
Solitude only comforts me when I can feel my anger- the lion within me, trying to break free from the cage.
I've met someone who tells me I'm a beautiful,
Someone who is trying to help me break free from the cage without tearing my claws off.
Who lets me know I am a lion, but I could be a butterfly, and that either or is okay.

I hope that whomever you decide is worthy to join the circus you've declared yourself the lion tamer of is strong enough to say no and walk away.

She calls you in the middle of the night
Her voice as sharp as knives
And she says she wants to die
Not to **** herself
Never
Only she doesn't want to be alive
No one knows better than you

Dear David,

You tore your way through my life, leaving a devastation known only to a few. When you were done, you picked at my intimacies until I had nobody left. But I'm no longer afraid of the big bad wolf. This is my revenge.

1. I'd balance a gas light above your head and set it alight. When you go running to your friends about my torture they'd smell an unconfrontable unease that would turn them away.
2. I'd cut out your tongue and push my fist down your throat, my fingers indulging in the gushing scarlet, invading your warm insides until your breathing is cut off and I reach your voice box.
3. I'd yank it out, celebrating in your juices that run down my arm. Now, when you turn to your dearest, they will only see the fear in your eyes when they mention my name.
4. I'd carve lost trenches into your arms so that the reminder of our war could never be forgotten. There's a rare kind of memory that makes you ache for it to leave.
5. I'd etch the word 'love' onto the back of your throat and watch you choke on it. I'd hope that every time this happened, you would be reminded of me and the quirky ways I showed my affection.
6. I'd leave you squirming in pain for days on end, my back turned in silence as the shackles slowly embrace your body.
7. I'd decide that you had been punished enough and nurse you back into health, stitching your tongue back on in zig zagged attempts to apologise.
8. The next day, I'd slowly unpick the shallow stitches and start the whole process again.
9. I'd blame you for my actions. 'Baby it's your fault you make me do these things, you're just too irresistible ' I'd whisper seductively to you as my knife slips down to your groin.
10. I'd render you useless to the rest of the world, steal your thoughts with my kiss and blow them into the wind. The altered version of them would reach our friends before your voice did. The silence that echoed only added to the rumours.
11. I'd slip my knife sexily between your skin, opening up a hole so that your entire vulnerability would be glowing.
12. I'd empty the entirety of your guts onto the floor and smile as the gas light falls on to your slumpened body.  A fire will erupt over it, burning the last shreds of hope as your lips will begin to melt. Gone are the mechanisms that may have led them to believe.
13. That night, I'd bathe in your guts, ******* over the feeling of power as your burnt corpse smoked nearby.

She sees the red dripping from her wrist.
Onto the floor as she walks,
Staining against thick thighs.
Swirling down the drain while washing her hair.
The red drips into her food as she cooks.
Sizzling when it hits the comal.
She sees it smear on her lovers flesh.
Riding slow or riding fast.
Paint on hot living canvas.
She watches as it soaks into her dogs leash.
Leaving red prints on the sidewalk.
Marveling at the hue, arms pointed up wards.
The sun, bright and warm against her skin.
A smile forms upon thin lips.
The red splatters faster on all she touches.

"i'm okay," she says to everyone.
her nights were nothing but wet sheets and wailing walls.

"i'm fine," she tells everybody.
her room is filled with nothing but a crying voice and a hopeless soul.

"i'm happy," she proclaims to all.
her wrists more crimson than brown and her eyes more red than white.

"goodbye. i'm sorry," she begs.

**And that was when all knew that she wasn't really okay at all.

His only talent is leaving without warning
Only god knows where he could possibly be
His favorite activity is drinking into a wakeless sleep
His secrets are twirling in smoke and piles of pills
His disregard and spite are the only memories I keep
My father is not a happy man.
Nothing can change that, not even my mother can.

Part I
I'm too tired to stand on my own
Without your hand on my waist
I fall and break
I'm too small to sleep alone
Without your breath on my neck
My dreams will never come
I'm too fragile to love you

Part II
I had a dream last night
You said you'd save me
From the darkness I was residing
I waited an eternity, my whole life
And I never saw the headlights of your car through the window
The seams on my curtains
Look like the cuts on my body
Bleeding into flowers
I'd bleed you a whole bouquet
If it took your pain away