One time each time,
Thinking when is my time.
Each breath a crime,
It tastes like lime.
Can I stop this time?
Stop breathing by bedtime.

Let me write
This is how I live

This is how I fight
This is how I stay alive

This is how I survive the nights

The world is terrifying..

I've no other way to be alright..

yet the days stopped turning to night
ever stretching
everpresent
I just wanted the sky to fade

Open those tired eyes
Break free that deep and bellowing sound
Pull these wet tears and form creative drink,
Of poisonous thorns beneath blooming flowers
Feel every vibration from your toes to your fingertips

Let go
Breathe in
Forget the day
Forget the century

Sway each hip in your mind’s rhythms
Now is the time to feel that inner voice
Now, is the time to dance
Allow yourself to be caressed by a constantly changing direction through space and time
Where fear and shame don’t belong

Once the morning finds you,
Curled up upon the stained carpet,
Go ahead.
Embrace the day’s challenges
And when the going gets tough
Just open those tired eyes

Why do I feel empty
When I've had plenty?
Didn't know when to take the last shot
Or when it was enough

All I want to do is to give up
No more strength in my body
To lift a single cup
Always trying to be someone I'm not

I've grown tired of pretending
And tired of existing.
I am empty
I am lost
I am broken.
I am sad and I am miserable

But no one listens to me
Please just listen to me!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
Please!

Just listen to me.

In wakefulness,
Your heartbeat stutters in its attempts to make peace with the impulsive evening rain.
But when you soak in the fog and embrace the coolness of winter's breath,
you will find that it will quietly sew itself into the scars that line your heart, and illuminate through your wounds in the shape of a dying ember, radiating warmth.

wordswordswordswordswordswordswords flood my brain when I see you;
words of thanks,
words of care,
words of love...
but every time I see you, those words are blocked by the dam of thoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughtsthoughts of the past;
thoughts of our afternoons spent together,
thoughts of our plans and promises,
thoughts of us.
then my smile quickly fades once I start to remember the painpainpainpainpainpainpain that it caused...
the pain of the lies,
the pain of the longing,
the pain of knowing that those words, those thoughts, this pain is the only part of you that will ever be mine.

Again. Again. Again.
I am in the circle
It has been with me forever
Five decades
Of going round
Round and round
Repeating
I am tired of repeating
I am tired of being me