I lumber sluggishly,
dragging the weight of my body.
Every pound is tethered to me,
I can’t escape the heaviness.

I am stuffed into clothes,
encased in figure-hugging fabric
that looks better on the hanger
than my rounded, fleshy torso.

The scale is an unlucky lottery ticket
displaying a number
that I will carry around
shamefully like a scarlet letter.

I count calories like beads on a rosary,
making sure I shrink to conformity
critical of every extra curve
because to love my size is a societal sin.

Airbrushed beauty queens
and slender starlets
wear their size 0 like a badge of honor
in the battlefront of glossy magazine covers.

I’m crushed with the weight of the world I inhabit
a place that teaches girls to be self-conscious
of each pound that sticks to their body
instead of teaching them to be confident in their own skin.

I’m tired of micromanaging each nutrient that touches my lips,
to achieve a slender frame that resists my big-***** body
self love is not a one-size-fits-all
and I will radically adore every ounce that is tethered to me.

Shutter my eyes on the frozen deserts
opening to swallow
all the memories you left inside:
a heart stripped of dreams,
by the pain of quicksilver moments
slipped past us in Time's disguise.

Interminable thoughts play-rewind-play-rewind
Of feelings dragging like anxiety:
We could be whole
if the world put us together with
Time, Love and impassioned Tethers.

Instead I'm trailing along
Dragging my iced feathers,
leaving two sets of footprints
upon the oceans and deserts of ice and shards.
Incapable of defrosting
These beating, screaming hearts.

he searches though i am not lost
he worries when i am not close
he fears what keeps me away

though i am with him always
though he is my calm sea
though my heart lays within him