Today I wrote a song about your teeth.
They are crooked and imperfect.
Just like this. Our hands. And these
songbirds are all liars. We haven’t learned.
Flesh memory is overrated. Last night
I felt the linen, and it whispered to me
nothing. Not even the shape of you
reminds me of happiness. What is the use
of these metaphors if they can’t
beautify you anymore. No longer as fierce
as the inferno I allowed you to become.
Drowning in bedclothes, trying to understand how streams of consciousness
are becoming bodies of water. Today
I wrote a song about your teeth. And I
read it aloud to the voiceless, and now
they know what love tastes like.

These days I read too fast for my brain,
while I marry these things that don't fit,
and open things too fast,

and all of the sudden-

those phrases and shorthands that I...
made a romance with
are just like the ones that I ******* HATE
that make me want to
SCREAM MY ******* LUNGS OUT UNTIL THEY RUN DRY.

And I'm afraid that I'm just like the rest
working in cycles
It's just taken me this long to make

one

little

rotation.

Not for me another love
like choking fear
It will not budge
I dare not blink
for it now seems
by choosing drink
I dwell in dreams

I grind to bits
my words and teeth
when searching through
my history:
to lift above
what lay beneath
all that broken masonry.

...
words and foto Tommy  Carroll

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1. Take care of your teeth and gums
Brush & floss, everyday (Seriously)
Keep your teeth, if at all possible.
They are your very own precious Ivory.
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2. a. Eat well. Do not deny your body
nourishment. Gals, you will want a nice
set of *****. Trust me...eat.
b, Try to not put on too much extra weight.
(no judgement here) Just that it is very
******* your body. Ridiculously
difficult to lose when you're older.
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3. Love the skin you live within.  Try not to
bake your bareness too long in the sun,
or burn your precious epidermis.
Cleanse, exfoliate. Most of all, drink plenty of water and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize
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4. Hang on to all of your bones.
You will miss them when they are gone
Take care of your hands, neck, hips and knees.
Once your joints wear out, it's a total ******.
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5. Keep movin' and groovin'.
If you stay still too long, you will get stuck
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6. Find the humor in everything. It is there!
All of life's lessons placed before you.
When all else fails, you can laugh about it.
(Trust Me. Your going to need this one)
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~Christi Michaels~May 2015~
Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.

Pre
City noise drowned by my ears.
Rays of sunlight passed through leaves.
As cool breeze blew my hair,
I realize, I really wasn't there.

Peri
Inoculation started with titanium tips;
I looked elsewhere and thought real deep.
Anesthesia sunk down in my cheeks.
My face feel numb with swollen lips.

I think my mind wandered far enough,
Little me saying "Hey, I'm tough."
But my tongue tasted blood and rust.
But hey, I still do give my trust.

Post*
Continuously, he said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
While bringing it back, after taking the ivory.
The familiar scent of isopropyl filled the air.
He gave me a specimen of the ivory that I once took care.

There is something wrong
I don't know why but when
I find a mirror it becomes clear
as I become distorted
My face slowly falls apart
blood oozes out as my nose falls off
My cheek is gone and exposes
Damaged teeth held together by roofing
nails and plaster of Paris
The blood is heavier now
and my deterioration excellerates
Where did these wires and transisters
in my head come from?
I am pretty sure they were not there
before I went to bed.
I hang my mechanical zombie head
to the side...and bleed.
I wait patiently to be awake again.

Somedays I'm always happy,
Somedays I'll be nothing close to that,
And sometimes,
I'm going to have those days,
where if my papers are not in order,
fixing them is not an option,
and I wanna **** myself.

Who wants to hang out,
with a girl like that?
Where anything,
and everything,
could set her off,

Sometimes I wish,
you could say,
what you really feel,
about me,
to my face,
But instead it's around me,
And I'm known to imagine things,
But I really do think it's there,

And I'm more then,
a Couple lose ends,
Somedays I'm sewed together,
like a new doll,
But most,
I'm the old one,
you have had for years,
in the back of your room,
Never to be used again,
And the fact,
I'm not good enough for you,
I can't get over it,

And Somedays,
I wanna die,
trying to make everyone happy.
But I won't,
and I can't,
And you know,
what's really sad,
You never try to help me,
You never wanted me in your life,
I've been used so much,
I'm used to it,

And I wish it was funny,
But it's not,
And the two people I like,
will never know I like them,
And I honestly,
just want someone to hold me,
tightly and show me,
they love me,
But no one wants to hold me,
No one wants to love me,
I should know that by now,

Sad to think my third grade year,
is better then this,
A third grade year,
when I tried to **** myself,
or hurt myself enough,
to get out of school,
And sorry guys I'm learning ,

I've been self harming,
since third grade,
I've done it right there,
in front of you,
I would pull my own teeth out,
Not eat so I could get a head ach,
and go to the nurse,
or look sick enough to,
I would find relief,
in the kindergarten artwork,
in the nurses office,
But then I didn't know how to talk,
I would write down,
"I don't feel well,"
just about everyday,
Or stick out a ****** tooth,
and just instantly get allowed,
to leave my classroom,
Kinda sad isn't it,

But you know this year,
would make you cry,
I wish that It was a lie,
But it's not,
Nothing's true anymore,
Just like my relationships,
They all are fake,
And sometimes,
I wanna exit pass,
that will write my goodbyes for me,
But I don't have an exit pass,
And I don't have any good byes,
So I'll take the emergency exit,
from a distances of floors up,
And leap,
and let my tears,
say good bye.

So good bye I guess