#suicidal poems on Hello Poetry

Empire Apr 2020

My head’s so **** fuzzy
My skin is hot
Room spinning just enough
I’d take three more shots if I could
If you offer it, I’ll drink it
I’ve the makings of an addict
I know
But I’ll be fine
I’ll just keep drinking
You keep pretending it’s fine
It’ll be great
I’ll feel like living
You’ll think I’m fine
We’re good

#alcohol #drinking #drunk #addict #depressed #suicidal

Quevin Apr 2020

Somber...

I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
They hate the way I look
They say my eyes are too light
And my lips are too dark
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
They say they hate the way I talk
And the way I dress
My shirt is too strippy
And my pants are too light
My voice is too low
And then it’s too high
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
A kid told me I read too often
And I write too much
I laugh at everything
And I talk too bleak
Too many apologies
Too many tears
Another fake smile to hide away my fears
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
Lipstick stains my favorite attire
My eyeliner thickens
And my clothes go from pretty pinks and vivid purples to dusk and foggy green
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
My eyes begin fading color
They tear up
And my lip starts to tremble
My heart beats faster
The colors from my deepest dreams withdraw
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I hold my breath
I steady the blade
Oh my agony
I breathe in and my eyes cringe
A silent scream
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
The thoughts are back again
I wonder how it’ll go down
How it’ll look
The smell
The sounds
How people will be sympathetic
But no one really cares
Have you noticed how people only care
When you are six feet underground
I am a Horrible Person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I begin to fear the world
Putting myself in the obscurity
And behind locked doors
For they are out to get me
I begin to abhor everyone I’ve ever known
Who am I
Have I not made it clear
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
Magic markers tattoo me
And show it where to aim
I draw lines on each ****** wrist
Hoping he won’t see
The nothing I say
When they ask what I’m thinking about
He thinks I’m cute
But little does he know
The worlds out to get him too
He notices the slashes
Covering each arm
From my forearm to my wrists
I am covered in red lines
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
Ignore my slashes
For one day you will understand
Don’t worry your pretty little head
I’ll be fine someday
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
A hundred times the doctors say
I am okay
I am okay
I am not okay
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I wonder what it’ll be like a world without him
It’s hard to picture because he doesn’t know
But I love him
And I am sorry that I could never bring myself to tell him
How could he love a bitter soul like me
For I am just a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I am a horrible person
I want to tell him that
I am trying
I am trying
But I am not trying

#depression #selfharm #suicidal #loneliness

Hope Apr 2020

When The Night Comes

Every time the night comes I pray I will not wake,
I pray the day of my reckoning draws near and my soul the reaper shall take,
But truthfully I just don't want to feel this ache,
That haunts me and shakes my very core until I break,
And on the outside I play pretend, smile and make believe for your sake,
Be strong they say it all gets better in time but the clock keeps ticking and there's no sign of daybreak,
So when the night comes, I will once more pray that I will not wake.

I've been in a very bad place mentally and I thought death was the only way out. Every day is a struggle I mean my own mind is playing against me but I'm still holding on.

#sad #depression #anxiety #broken #suicidal #healing

Heidi Mason Apr 2020

RE: Suicidal Thoughts

After a long day of 8th grade,
she came home to be greeted by her two dogs.
Rushing straight to her bedroom on a friday afternoon
just to open her laptop and put on her favorite pandora playlist
While flowing all her brainstormed emotions into her “poem.”

She remember hearing a phrase for the first time
that changed her to a more mature mentality.
Some crazy lady her mom forced her to weekly
always asked her, "any suicidal thoughts lately?"
She ignorantly answered “no” not understanding.
that next week the Lady asked if she had "suicidal thoughts"
Her stomach rages with anxiety as she finds the courage
to ask the Lady what it means to be suicidal.

The Lady’s eyes filled with empathy.
Google defines it as "Suicidal thoughts, also known as suicidal ideation are thoughts about ******* oneself, which can range from a detailed plan to a fleeting consideration and does not include the final act of killing oneself. "
She thought about ending her life for the first time
with understanding of what she was doing.

6th grade lunch time.
Her eyes were drenched with sadness
while her stomach filled with discontent feelings.
She told her friends she wanted to die.
They filled her ears with temporary healing
to mend her mind and wellbeing.

She did not really understand what she was feeling
but with goals to not have to feel anymore.
She takes a handful of over-the-counter
painkillers with temporary joy
that it was all over.

She awoke the next morning with guilt and shame.

After reminiscing on this story,
She realizes she feels the same feelings
but has already accepted the help she needed
to try to be able to accept these feelings.

She wanted more than ever to not feel anything but
found value in who she was.
Still confused, but understood enough about who she was
to just be able to feel the pain and move on.

She had never admitted this story to anyone.
Not even her loved ones or counselors.

5 years later.
She finds this writing on a random spring night.
She is grateful, encouraged, and empowered
for the growth within herself that she was able to witness

She found purpose for the bad days and loves more.
She stays busy; works part-time and goes to school full-time.
The best part is she does it with happiness in her heart
and with loving and encouraging people surrounding her.

She became stronger than her bad days, allowing herself to fight.
She is proud of her story.

#my #personal #growth #story #tw #suicide #suicidal #thoughts

Empire Apr 2020

Steam

tw self harm

My wrists burn
Like steam that must be released

I can do it
I can let it out
I can stop it
I can stop it all!!!

But no.

I’m not supposed to do that

I’ll have to tell my counselor

I’ll have to hide more scars

So... I guess I just have to sit here
Wait until I can feel the pills working
And let the steam build under my skin
Burning, yearning to be set free
Oh what a lovely sight...
To watch
The garnet droplets
As they pool on my pale skin
And with every stroke of the blade
I want to drive it deeper

#selfharm #cutting #depression #suicide #suicidal

Lilith Moon Aphrodisa Apr 2020

Tick, Tock.

I've lost innocence.

I've lost faith.

I've lost my soul to this dreary place.

It's so cold, it's so very dark.

My lonely heart has lost it's spark.

I beg for a little mercy.

I cry for some kind of grace.

There's nothing, not even a trace.

The hellish demons in my mind elope with the ever lasting darkness I've came to find.

The clock has chimed...

I'm out of time.

This is a poem I wrote about the hopelessness I felt while suicidal.

#depression #suicide #mental #health #bi #polar #suicidal #hopeless #dark #sad

Celestinus Castillo Apr 2020

Stars Who Wander Too Far

I thought one life out of millions
Was simply irrelevant to most
What significance does one life make?
In this case, only God knows

The sun shines over humanity
Another shadow with every person
With darkness only accumulating
It'd be brighter with one less human

But I realized that the world
Can be so cruel and horrid
That is why hope amongst the dark
Makes the smallest light important

If the world turned into eternal night
And every person became a star
Each person would make the world brighter
Including you just as you are

#stars #wander #person #night #human #suicidal #depression #hope #mentalhealth

Kailey Jones Apr 2020

Untitled

His name is Carter
And he’s all alone
In school
At home
Even on the bus because
no one sits next to him,

(But I’ve made an attempt
To be his friend
But I can’t break free of the honesty
That he is extremely annoying
So I will leave him to himself
Whenever I can)

One day his bag was extra heavy
And I could see it
But I did not ask about it
To not let out the brutal honesty
At the end
That I really did not care
Except my mind went there
Courtesy of the news
And I looked at the shape
Which wasn’t outlined as a rifle
So I looked the other way without paying attention anymore
And when I knew my safety was not compromised
I did not care about why it was so heavy

I stood behind him in line when
His bag bumped against me and
I pushed it out of my face because
What a nuisance!

He turned around looking annoyed
and quite frankly I did not care about his feelings

The rest got carried away. Not real. Based on a real person but not a real story. Part one.

#suicidal #sad #alone #seclusion #distant #school #highschool #middleschool

Paper Heart Poet Mar 2020

Rose of the Death

The liquid pain looks at me with my own face
What’s there to fight for when I’m just my own trace
My reflection shouts at me she begs me to differ
Asks me to stop but we don’t know each other

My blood paints a rose of the death on the floor
I’m dripping from sorrow don’t want this no more
The scent of the iron and silk of red water
Colour of love flows out as I suffer

I judged them too hard when I heard on the news
Thinking that sadness is just an excuse
I thought I would never betray family
But this darkness is bigger than reality

Contemplating if it’s worth it
Calling the line or just end it
Silver sharpness invites me to dance
Drawing on my skin it’s final sketch

#suicidal #pain #suffering #contemplation

Lost Girl Mar 2020

Don’t Want to Be Alive - Spoken Word

I step into the shower
Tears roll down my cheek
I can’t stand to look at my body
What has become of me?

Ohh I want to cut myself
Again and again
Because I feel disgust and want control
I want to shape my body into something
I perceive as beautiful
And that’s anything but me

I try to clean this body of mine
But I can’t wash away my sins
I don’t want to die, but living like this is hell

What I want is to feel something
Anything but this depression
I tired of putting on a bubbly face
I can’t take this anymore
All these pills
And I still don’t feel like me

I know I shouldn’t think this way
And it pains me to say:
“I just want rest and feel okay again”

But what I really mean is
“I don’t want be alive anymore
I don’t want to feel this way
I don’t want be alive
This day is so gray”

It’s been so many years now
I can’t remember the last time smiled
Genuinely and it lasted
And so I thought to myself: “will I ever get better?”

It’s been a few months
Since I was in the hospital
Coming back home was tough
Leaving school was even harder
I felt like failure
To myself and to my family
And so I thought to myself “am I broken?”

It’s been a couple of weeks now
Since I last self harmed
I still have feelings to do that
But I resist the urges
And so I thought to myself “you’re stronger than this”

I know I shouldn’t think this way
And it pains me to say:
“I just want rest and feel okay again”

But what I really mean is
“I don’t want be alive anymore”
I don’t want to feel this way
I don’t want be alive
This day is so gray”

But for today,
Please just let me be
I need some rest from fighting
This demon in me

“I don’t want to be alive”
At least not for today
But maybe tomorrow that feeling will change

I wrote this on March 10, 2020 and have finally built up the courage to post it. I have been struggling with body image issues and severe depression. I am currently in a residential program and am trying to get better. This is all so overwhelming, and writing has calmed me down.

#depression #tired #suicidal #anger