My mother unravels her ball of yarn.
Her fingers; wrinkled and sallow
tug between the threads of negativity
until she finds a strand thick enough
to weave me into.
She is familiar with how it feels to hold me,
so it takes mere seconds.
And she begins to knit.
A web of negative thoughts,
spiralled patterns of negative action.
I'm trapped behind a blanket of unpleasantries that you knitted for me
and it's heavy
and it hurts to hold
and it's beginning to suffocate.
Who'd have known it would be my mother's own handiwork
that collapsed my lungs.
Her craft knots itself around me
and I'm shackled.
The heart she gave me begins to slow.
The organs she grew for me are failing.
The breaths that she waited nine months for are weakening.
I shrivel, like a newborn again.
Like HER newborn again.
Maybe, like this, she will want me once more.

Deep down from the darkest space
The lifeless voice screams in fear
"Someone get me out of here"
When I go near the voice,
That was not someone else
What I saw was my own soul
Screaming there loud.
It's get suffocated by the facades
I have to wear in front of others.
It's exhausted of taking every breath
As the choice made by other's.
It want to breath without the rules.
It want to smile without the limits.

Whatever you say
I'm up to the task

I try but I know
I'll never be good enough

Realistic expectations,
Is that too much to ask?

Must be the best,
Nothing less
Than perfection

In everything I do,
I do it all for you
No room to fail with these 'expectations'

With every cut that's red,
With every bruise that's blue
I'll fall apart for you
For 'expectations'

With every tear I shed,
With every mask I bred,
There's nothing to be said,
I'm suffocating

The high bar has been set
There are goals to be reached
I can't stop until death
Either yours or one for me

Hello?
     Anybody there?
Or am I wasting my time and breathe?

I don't know why
I love this game so much
It got me tangled into situations
That even I could never imagined.

I guess this is my consequences
Of trying to figure out the difficult
Of trying to lighten up the dark
Of trying to mend what's broke
Of trying to lift what's drown.
Maybe I did play with fire
And I'm loving the way you burn me.

When you call me up
Saying you need me
I came running to you.
And the moment
When I want us to stay
You'd left for someone else.

When I want to talk
You'd shout and walk away,
When I needed you
You'd ingore and shut me up.
Isn't this so toxic?
This love is complicated,
But I guess it never was,
Since there's only one that loved
The other one thought she wasn't enough.

And just when I'm out of air
Saying baby you suffocate me and you're the air I breathe.
This is our endgame,
Baby I won't say "please stay".

Lavished lady how brilliantly obnoxious you are. I admire how you tower over even the most merciless of men. Look how she floats, you’d mistake her for a benevolent. She can and does do everything. I can only stand here and hope you suffocate on your own ego.