The pillars crumble and
the walls crack but
I don't just watch it fall
I don't just do nothing at all

I grab my sledgehammer and
I try to swing but
a hand reached out
a voice tried to shout

The nonexistent sirens and
the deafening loud noise but
I don't hear a single thing
I only know a single ring

I look back and
I no longer see a person but
a shadow I knew
a memory that's no longer true

What is life?
What’s life, really?

When you think you’ll win,
but you lose.
When you think you’ll achieve,
but you fail.
When you think you’ll survive…
but you're dead.
And I think....I'm dead

Someone once told me,
"You’re shining. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way."
I in fact, have been feeling that way.

I sit and think about all the pain and problems I've gone through.
Thinking before, "I'm so done. What am I gonna do.??"
I now say to myself "I am so strong for keeping up and fighting my hardest. "

"I'm
so
proud
of
you."

𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 20𝘴,
𝘈 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥,
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘪𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘫𝘰𝘣𝘴,
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 .
𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬,
𝘜𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴, 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬.
𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴, 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦,
𝘈 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦.
𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘸𝘴, 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸,
𝘛𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘸.
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯, 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘥,
𝘈𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺, 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥.
𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦,
𝘚𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘦.
𝘞𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦’𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘦,
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘰𝘴, 𝘢 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦.
𝘚𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦,
𝘈 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥, 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

The puppet said to the sun,
“Never shine upon me.”
And then it said to the clouds,
“Do not hide me from the light.”
And then it gnashed its teeth at the sky, saying,
“I never asked to be seen
I never asked to be hidden
I only asked to be free.”

Heavy is the head that wears the crown,
A crown of blood, of love, of frown.
He fights the demons, in and out—
Such is the man who soars with doubt.

Provider, Protector, Pontiff, King—
Each role a weight, a stinging sting.
The price is steep, the path is grim,
It strips the soul and hardens him.

Parallel lives now blur the norm,
Behind calm eyes, a quiet storm.
Smiles conceal the tears they hide —
Each man must pay, with self and pride.

"Be bold," they say. "Be strong. Be brave."
Yet none can see the toll it gave.
The pain, the shame, the silent cries—
That is all that is left when honor lies.

In mirrors cracked by time and years
He sees a face he can not revere.
A man of strength, yet worn and torn,
By battles fought since he was born.

And still he walks, though limbs may shake,
For others’ peace, his own he will break.
A living myth, a silent vow —
But who will crown the weary now?
~Kngblaq

On this losing streak
Has to turn around
Strive so hard but cannot escape
Failure to which I am bound

Until starting positive changes
Disappointment will remain on your face
Day after day promise to improve
Clear to see that's not the case

Gone are effortless exchanges
Excited words once eagerly shared
Sitting on sheets together
For a relationship was unprepared

In blink of an eye you lifted my world
A little closer towards the sun
Leaving each trace of regret beneath my feet
No idea what we had begun

All the moments spent since
I've discovered in your company
Collected and shown on display inside
Like antique coins or paintings in an art gallery

Done proclaiming pathetic excuses
Instead of trying my best
You deserve someone who would die in order
To protect treasure buried in your chest

One More Shot.

One more shot,that should numb the pain
One more shot, then I won't feel insane,
Just one more double on the rocks with ice,
Maybe then I won't feel so miserable,
Maybe I'll be nice,

One more drink to take the hurt away,
One more shot to keep the demons at bay,
One more double with a dash of lime,
Maybe if I'm lucky I will forget the past and
not travel back in time,

Bottoms up, cheers, salute,
Just one more drink,
Maybe now I won't think...think...think!!
One more shot before I loose my mind,
Just a single this time, I am falling behind..
Who am I kidding?! One more shot!!
I will have another drink and lie when
people say I seem to be in a bad spot

One more shot before I pass out only
to wake in the morning light
One more drink so my memories fade and I can have some sleep tonight,
Why can't I stop??!! I am not done!
To hell with it! One more shot!!
Don't tell me I have options!
I was given none!

Finally the last shot!! Make this one stiff and
Destructive please?!
I need just one more drink maybe then
the pain will ease,
Stumbling over my feet, Reaching my bed,
The world is spinning, my whole
body feel like lead,

Maybe one more shot was
one shot too many,
Was it the bourbon, the ***
or the tequila??!!
Wait did I have any?!
Self loathing and then anger,
and sadness and fears,
The emotions surge through me,
I fall into a deep sleep
drowning in my tears..

Tomorrow will be a repeat
of what I did today.
One more shot hoping it
chases the hurt away
©️Lolla Smith

The separation caused by conflicts left me in despair,
yearning to see my dad subsequently,
like an unconditionally loving couple being in the presence of those they love.

But the consistent isolation continues,
manifesting to spend more time together before he passes.

As I become older, life will be filled with persistent responsibilities,
leaving me with defective opportunities to spend time with those whom I love,
increasing loneliness and fear.

So I continue to manifest,
wishing for any opportunities to spend continuous time with my dad,
despite present complications,
due to his and my mother’s hard efforts,
to raise a child who will be more successful than they are.