I wear a love-proof vest, swallowing bullets with my face—
all my scars know their taste. My hopes are all on diet to fit
today’s problems; spray-painted days, worries tagged across
the night— each thought a vandalism I can’t scrub away.

Fruitful passions, I can’t stomach passionfruit in my punch.
Life loves to punch back harder— each sip a reminder that
sweetness still bruises. Young & depressed: insecurities
overdressed, confidence underdressed, thoughts pressed
into stress.

Life asks you for a ruler, to lay it down smoother, measuring
the depth of your love. But... it doesn’t apply so well to me,
when I bunked a few lessons as a day-schooler. Always trying
to fit in by being cooler, amongst a circle of friends, but really,
we were just squares— boxed in by our insecurities; angles
sharper than the bonds we bent. And I try to pray long—
but sometimes, I digress. Sorry… what were we saying?

So much emptiness, schemes plotted against me, reality
never stretching as far as dreams. Illuding the fact, illusions
often feel more real. Interluding between horizons: am I ahead,
or beneath the dark where even stars are too shy to come out?

Hope still comes as a guest. Still wishing for superpowers:
invisible to pain, invincible to scars, shapeshifting to belong.
Force fields to block their touch. Time manipulation— just to
keep up with the times. X-ray vision to see through their false
intentions. Superspeed to outrun the pain. Healing to undo my
shame.

But in the end, I have no cape, no mask, no trick of the pen—
I'm only human. And I’ll be human to the end, recalling the
feeling of being young & depressed.

Your battles rage, and I see what scars scratch your skin; I see the weight you bear, your heart is a battlefield with unending spar.

In essence,
Distance gives you the view of their landscape;

Illuminating,
We glimpse our true selves through the reflections of others, like mirrors to the soul.

Like their garden, occupied by substance—what withers; mirrors they appear themselves a guard and here I stand, in all my form, a 'lookout' may seemingly.

World is as vast,
My worries small.
Who am i?
Im just passing through; a tourist from a distance.

The measurements will never be right
The numbers on the scale will never be small enough
The clothes are always too big or too tight

Eating anything is eating too much
Excuses like I already ate and such
Until I'm pretty there is something more important to feed

They won't like me unless I run
Mile after mile it is never enough
Try to convince myself that it's fun
To push my limits even if it's tough

I never look right
Nothing is flattering
I'm not going to fight
That my hope is shattering

I got thinner and they started to talk
The compliments came
They don't know the road I had to walk
I have no one to blame

I wanted to starve
Like it wouldn't do me harm
They dont notice when I skip meals
Until I show the pain on my arm

I need friends not food
Not thinking about it is key
I just cant change my mood

They know what's going on
But they will never know how deep
The knife goes when I see something wrong
Then again depression will start to seep

Every time I eat I feel like I fail
After there is always a blood trail
I won't eat until I’m frail
I really do despise The Scale

The pillars crumble and
the walls crack but
I don't just watch it fall
I don't just do nothing at all

I grab my sledgehammer and
I try to swing but
a hand reached out
a voice tried to shout

The nonexistent sirens and
the deafening loud noise but
I don't hear a single thing
I only know a single ring

I look back and
I no longer see a person but
a shadow I knew
a memory that's no longer true

What is life?
What’s life, really?

When you think you’ll win,
but you lose.
When you think you’ll achieve,
but you fail.
When you think you’ll survive…
but you're dead.
And I think....I'm dead

Someone once told me,
"You’re shining. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way."
I in fact, have been feeling that way.

I sit and think about all the pain and problems I've gone through.
Thinking before, "I'm so done. What am I gonna do.??"
I now say to myself "I am so strong for keeping up and fighting my hardest. "

"I'm
so
proud
of
you."