We were drunk off of each other for so long neither of us recognized that it was becoming a problem.. Until the day we quit cold-turkey. Sobriety is measured in twelve steps
1. Admitting that we could not control this compulsion. You were the finest whiskey to ever touch these lips. That burning mmm so good down my esophagus. I can still feel your embers glowing in the pit of my stomach. You admitted to this addiction and moved to the next step leagues ahead of me.
2. Believing in a power above to control this addiction. I was never one to believe in god, but you were never one to not believe in the best.
3. Turning our lives over to the hands of a greater power. Neither of us were very good at just letting things happen..
4. Serious inventory of our moral selves. Cutting back the vines, burning down the walls, opening sealed doors, I offered myself up to you. Secrets of ***** bruises arouse leaving you speechless. I never meant to make such a production of ifs, but you would never let me deeper than the first layer of slick rock.
5. Admit our wrongs. According to you, nothing you ever did was wrong. This is where I closed the gap. Admitting it was wrong to read your mind.
6. Willing and ready to let go of the errors of our ways from our lives. You had to teach me how to let go, after my father taught me people leave so you better hold on tight until your knuckles are white and veins full to bursting. Taking cues from the trees you let go any time your roots got cold.
7. Humbling ones self. I will always vouch for the under dog and humble myself to the size of a mouse. But you stand on mountains and claim to where skyscrapers on your feet.
8. Making amends with all those we have harmed. My list would fill the sky with names of the victims of my assaults, slowly dropping stars from the abyss to make room for my wrongdoings, each burning out in a shooting explosion of light as they forgive. There is only one name on your list and I am still waiting..
9. Direct amends without hurting another. Now we are all mixed up because the truth hurts
10. Constantly self inventory and admit to wrong doings. You separate yourself into so many pieces that I am surprised there is any self left.
11. Praying for the will to have power to carry out and continue ten previous steps.
12. Spiritual Awakening. You are still asleep, I left you behind after step 8 and I am still drowsy.

Like a child's first steps, I begin to trust, rely and give in.
Later on there will be hard times; I will fall on the ground.
I'll become vulnerable and childlike,
and need the assurance of a helping hand.
We need those first steps,
while it's exciting and new,
before we are jaded and unwilling
And we sit down.

My bag heavy
With sanity
Slowed my steps
Before I dropped it
In the middle of nowhere
And started to run
Toward insanity,
Toward you.


F.Z.**N

STEP ONE:
Deep breath,  head back, and sigh,
Eyes closed, more breathing, cant cry,
Fists clenched, nails in palm, Shaking,
Scream held,  pain overcomes, i try.

STEP TWO:
Repeat STEP ONE four to five times a day,
Ask for answers, maybe pray,
Beg for answers, give god blame,
Plead for a response,  from anyone,
Then repeat STEP ONE again.

STEP THREE:
If STEP ONE AND TWO have failed,
Fight the thought of a nature derailed,
A soul impaled on the cross and nailed,
Find a quit place to bail,
And scream, and shout and f**king wail.

STEP FOUR:
Once previous steps complete,
Go to bed and hide in secret,
Close the eyes and fail at sleep,
And a new day dawns and STEP ONE repeat.

First,
you'll stare at me
from across the room,
peaking my interest

Second,
you'll strike up
a casual conversation,
of which the topic
will be unimportant

Third,
you'll talk to me
at random intervals
so that I can never
figure you out

Fourth,
our conversations
will become a daily occurrence,
something I thrive on,
cannot live without

Fifth,
you will ask me
to spend time with you,
my heart will flutter,
I will politely decline

Sixth,
you will ask
over and over again
for even just an hour together
until I say yes

Seventh,
you will be
so easy to talk to
when surrounded by
empty space,
it will be the only thing
I think about

Eighth,
we will spend
increasingly more time together,
until all I manage to talk about
is you

Ninth,
you will kiss me
which will not be surprising
but the way it takes my breath away
will astound me

Tenth,
you will make
my heart stop
at the most unexpected time
and I will realize
I am in love

Life, is a walk up the seven steps.
Step one, is the base of all existence.
Step two, love's own creative evidence.
Step three, the force of life is connected.
Step four, the stone is held here.
Step five, one's voice is heard through all fours.
Step six, everything else becomes clear.

Step seven, connects with one.
The seed of life is planted
So that a new tree grows, more
Than the sapling that dropped it