(song)

I'm only human
I am not perfect...
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it...
Yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human

Sometimes I don't wanna carry on with this life another day, but that ain't the thing to say, at least not out loud anyway
My carry on is baggage and part of me but can't stay? I need it to remind myself what had hurt me along the way
It's completely intertwined with my destiny, seemingly by design, forged by my raw history gone astray
So not by the fire burning within per say but rather by a flame that got carried away, lighting up my dismay
Not a phoenix, no rising from the ashes, I just claimed them as my own then created a home
A collection of stone after stone thrown in my direction become the cornerstone of the foundation I raised all alone
Harvest my own backbone to support the load, structural integrity is homegrown
Get blown down, just rebuild, try to hone my skill to out will what I've sown

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
Understand all I can be is just me

**** and moan, scream and cry to an empty auditorium, my lithium battery drained and I don't know where to go get some from
All thumbs and numb, fumbled the mission, what's done is done, can't be undone, self reflection is no fun so I play dumb
When reality hit it stung, my demon won, a surprise to no one, all attempts to enter the ring ended with me caught up in the top wrung
Can't predict the future but I see the inevitable outcome, only one lonely track on this self titled album
Said track is a sad song, repeat stuck in the on position and so loud I didn't get off stage at the sound of the gong
Not only did I play the biggest part of my downfall but tragedy overshadowed comedy in this parity type sitcom
I can pin point precisely when and where it all went wrong but can't explain why I kept on this particular path for so long
Prayed for help then buried my head in the sand before it came along, popped up only to find it already gone

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
What you see is the only me I can be
I'm only human, yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human, yeah, I don't feel human
...what am I doin'?

I slip and trip more often than not, trapped in the web of a side plot, main story got lost in the shuffle, it happens a lot
Forgot to implement basic self maintenance leading to rot spreading to every thought
So I question the thought that I ought not lower my defenses, got caught in the in between, can't connect, lost a dot
Struggled with the day to day, fought just to get to a level playing field, all for naught
Yes, it was me, I did it, I hit the self destruction button too quick but it didn't say elimination, it was simply labeled quit
No mention of a death certificate or that it would make the feelings of my inadequate existence permanent
I couldn't keep my whits about me, lost sight of what was important, my insecurities the culprit
Don't think for one moment though that attention is why I did it, it most certainly isn't

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
What it is you see in me

Responsibly taken, still forsaken, got front row seats to my damnation but it's a rerun that I'm tired of watchin'
Internalized everything behind blue eyes, an examination taken place with no follow up explanation given, why are the results always hidden but lurkin' right outside my field of vision
The implosion of my life left a broken man child chokin' on the pieces left and your sinister laugh proves you think I'm jokin' or just enjoyin' what you're seein'
The implication bein' that there's no salvation, no savin', tried on the shoe and continue to wear it, it fits to perfection
Pretend not to listen so you can't be guilted into any type of action at all, and so you're not looked at as responsible
And that's reasonable, you let out a little nervous laugh and giggle cause it makes you feel uncomfortable
And that's just a small taste compared to my mouth full, out of mind, out of sight not possible
The blowback was powerful, not mindful of everything I don't know, what I do know now is I was never in full control

I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
I don't know what you expect of me
Yeah, I'm only human
I am not perfect
I don't know what you want from me
No, I may not be stupid
I may just not get it
This isn't the me I want to be
I'm only human, yeah, I'm only human
I'm only human, yeah, I don't feel human
...define being human?

©2022

(song)

Lord forgive me for I know what I do but forgot or was never taught how to change
I've called on your name many times but always had to leave a message, all my life you've simply been out of range
The spotlight is on and all I ever see is your seats vacancy when I look out into the crowd from the stage
Even though I know that chair will never fill I'm disappointed every time, even still at my age
Actions speak louder than words but you must be frozen in silence, feel like an abandoned fight dog chained to a cage
Incased in mange, engulfed by the plague that is you, unrecognizable, who I've become is hard to gage
Sad and lonely, afraid and angry, I cover it all with the only two things you ever gave me, questions and a replacement of blind faith, a blind rage
My very being spills out as ink on the page, page after page after page after page

It ain't just me, look close and see that most your people are lost too but that doesn't seem to be a loss to you
Looks like it doesn't even bother you, indifferent even to those who look up to you
Could care less if your carelessness caused you to lose a few
Well aware the earth is a godless venue, how dare you demand we follow you when you've no plan to follow thru

Since you're hard of hearing apparently let me share a literary entry or three from my diary
Its an open book, entry requires no key though some pages have been savagely pulled, I'm sure you saw me bury a few in the cemetery
What remains are snippets of my memory that clearly show you've been side by side with me on the daily
Obviously that's sarcasm, you'll never see another set of foot prints anywhere near me, this wounded animal is on a lonely journey
And I don't think you abandon me, that would imply that at some point you were actually a father figure at any time in my history
Never seeing eye to eye, you're always a mystery, these mysterious ways of yours never get applied to me or I wasn't supplied the decoder key
And if you have had a hand in my trajectory, if you formed my destiny that just means you were the good, the bad and the ugly respectfully
I humbly come to thé only to learn a lesson in humility as I'm ignored repeatedly no matter the clarity of my sincerity

It ain't just me, look close and see that most your people are lost too but that doesn't seem to be a loss to you
Looks like it doesn't even bother you, indifferent to even those who look up to you
Could care less if your carelessness caused you to lose a few
Well aware the earth is a godless venue, how dare you demand we follow you when you've no plan to follow thru

Beam me up Scotty because I need a face to face conversation, I want to see your reaction to my devastation in person
You have a reputation of making light of a serious situation, who's the next poor victim your hand of vengeance gonna land on?
Why take a shot at creation if you're just gonna fade into oblivion the moment you're challenged by the simplest question
This can't be your vision for me, or can it be? Do you enjoy watching us drown in misery, ****, probably but whats the reason?
You're supposed to never give us more than we can actually handle but I've been at maximum capacity since infancy, more added with every change of the season
I know it's somewhat of a tradition to **** on those who don't listen, follow direction or simply weren't paying close enough attention to decipher the complexion of the lesson
God forbid you take action or show compassion, if off the beaten path by even a meer fraction it's eternal damnation
You went out for milk with no intention of returning, I'm left waiting at an abandoned train station
I think you have a **** personality, I hope you take that personally, if I was your son I'd be calling on CPS to send someone to do an investigation

It ain't just me, look close and see that most your people are lost too but that doesn't seem to be a loss to you
Looks like it doesn't even bother you, indifferent to even those who look up to you
Could care less if your carelessness caused you to lose a few
Well aware the earth is a godless venue, how dare you demand we follow you when you've no plan to follow thru

Just show yourself and the rumors done, you're the one, all the evil I thought you spun could be undone
It's looking like you do this for fun, showing me the best spot on my cranium to position the gun
Fully loaded but only needing one and even before I squeeze I watched you turn your back and disappear over the horizon
Looking up to you is as harmful as looking directly at the sun, but blind faith is your expectation
When it comes to you I was a loser before I even begun, who can ever say they actually won?
In my opinion, no one, winning isn't an option when the opposition draws inspiration from a place of a self fulfilling Armageddon
Confession is self incrimination, life is incarceration and death a forgone conclusion
It's what comes after that we are left in the dark on and you care so little you let that carry on

©2022

(song)

Dark is older than light so that might be why fright is what I'm accustomed to
Neither vast nor confined, maybe both at the same time, it leaves no clue
I don't know how to get my point across to you to help you to see what it is I go through
It's a nothing that consumes my everything, there's not a thing you can compare it to
Similes only vaguely paint the picture, but it helps to toss in a few
If there was only a wind that blew, even once, maybe it would bring a familiar view
But this void in its vastness brings nothing new, allows nothing to continue
It's the solvent to my glue, everything I've done it's managed to uproot and undo
And it's so quiet but yet this silent surrounding is deafening to an alarming degree
In it I use to find beauty, now it's my captor, one of which I'll never be set free
And it's convinced me, or maybe I've convinced myself that I am unworthy
Of anything else and its that false certainty that cleverly keeps me in captivity
I carelessly embraced this darkness that slowly replaced the old me entirely
I scream, cry then whimper softly as the misery slowly embodies me
Then lay back in submittance, in silence and plea for swift mercy
I can't stay in this purgatory so give me my life back or take it from me completely

I feel numb, I feel numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing, nothing, nothing...
I feel numb, I'm so numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing here for me

I had light once, I actually got to hold it
But it was a betrayal, only staying for a moment
In its wake the dark returned to claim what was stolen from it
The door was too heavy, I couldn't shut it
The nothing engulfed my everything, I couldn't outrun it
Panic set like quick cement, begin to sweat, my feet became heavy, I began to resent and regret
All those scary movies I watched 'cause I knew for sure that this was it
But that's just it
Nothing happened, I literally mean nothing was the constant
No up, no down, no light, no sound, I couldn't even pick up a sent
Then in an instant it hit me, before my head hit the pavement, I knew what it all meant
Light, so faint and vulnerable, so young and naive
It didn't stand a chance against the dark, give a **** what you believe
Just because you achieve a small glimpse of hope don't think you'll never grieve
When your life starts to unweave that's when the dark races in like a thief
Every religion and belief labels it differently depending on the way they perceive
They have to cause a mind can't conceive it so it almost has to make it make believe
But please believe this is real, don't mis conceive
Best heed my warning cause once you're here you can never leave

I feel numb, I feel numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing, nothing, nothing...
I feel numb, I'm so numb, I feel nothing, there's just nothing here for me

©2022

(song)

What if the night sky refused to give way to day
What if the grey never lifted, and I lost my way
What if those bright stars are all tally mark scars
Recording every mistake that I make, my freedoms right outside these skeletal bars

Ohhhhhh
I don't like this feeling, I'm feeling it winning and I just want to be okay
This disorder is master, no matter my counter, I can't seem to get out of my way

Someone please see me, please hear my silent pain
I've wondered this road for too long
Confusing what's right and what's wrong
I'm not asking to save me, just shelter me from the rain
I've been on this path far too long
How is it that I'm always wrong

What if the bad days overtake all the good
What if the best of me isn't allowed to shine like it should
What if this darkness consumes all the light
What if the hand that extends out to help never feels right

Ohhhhhh
I hope and I pray that one day I can say I made it despite my history
Please let there be time to care for me and mine before reading my eulogy

Someone please see me, please hear my silent pain
I've wondered this road for too long
Confusing what's right and what's wrong
I'm not asking to save me, just shelter me from the rain
I've been on this path far too long
How is it that I'm always wrong

What if the line blurs and I get caught backwards
No one there to kick the chair or care afterwards
I can't fight the good fight, my defenses are down
I'm desperate for some kind of help, I must be the falling tree making no sound

Ohhhhhh
I'm hopeless and helpless I can't seem to stop this from defining my roll in life
The strife and abuse from inside leads me to an out at the edge of a dull knife

Someone please see me, please hear my silent pain
I've wondered this road for too long
Confusing what's right and what's wrong
I'm not asking to save me, just shelter me from the rain
I've been on this path far too long
How is it that I'm always wrong

©2022