The seething disturbance
The heart shaking kind
Has eased on my fragile soul
And plague inflicted mind

You know the reason why?
Time doesn't want to talk,
Yet god's rays cometh back come spring
Just because amongst the living you walk

Your heart is still under siege
How much longer can those walls hold?
You must know the road alone is long
How many more will you break as you grow old?

All those who approach your throne
Could never hope to realise
What that beautiful, stupid mind thinks
Behind those beautiful, empire felling eyes

None of this is your fault, nobody should
Cry because of something one can't control
Sending you down a spiral, you never thought
Would go beyond even the deepest hole

I could never hate you, although I want to
Everyone is the hero of their own story
Nobody can blame another for seeing differently
I've learned a lot, even the thing I needed, humility

Perfect and broken, unfortunate
Qualities that attract more war
Even I couldn't resist the battle call, sadly
You can't hope to see beyond my selfish bore

Maybe through this loyalty to yourself
That your candle is still lit
Even if a life as hectic as the ocean
Is striving to extinguish it

But a calm body of water, the frequency
Of that all healing, riveting smile
Perhaps a piece of my demise
Sure enough, gave you another mile

Cannot tell you how sorry I am for all this
If you want to, keep this in your memory
Know that I felt some minute solace,
Thinking at least for now you are "happy"

like a tree alone at night
my father sits in our garden
the lone star in the sky showers him with radiance
and apart from the wind tussling around with his parchment
the furious scribble of his pen
he is silent
stoic
and solitary

he is eternities away
lost in his mind space with no suit
and I can no longer recognize him
until suddenly
he jumps
taking a graceful swan dive into the untold
with no mission control relaying actions
just his mind

before he emerges with the sun
steadily walking towards my mother as she stands on our patio
the sky behind her as if it were painted by Van Gogh himself
turbulent and swimming with passion
I can see him again through the parted clouds
he is different, yet the same

as he turns towards my window
giving me the wink he always has
I realize:

no matter how far he travels
and how long he stays away
my father is still my father
and there is nothing that can make me feel any other way

in place of a
lover's embrace
I fill my chest
with smoke.

I suspect now
there are more
walls around my
heart than ever
before.

there was once
a light called hope
beaming brightly

but that light
was just a trick.

what was once
a raging pyre,
is now but a
few embers glowing
softly in a
charcoal bed
of gray and black.

...it's not any of you.

too much given?
or
the price to learn,
at least for
something like
me.

I sit quietly in
a dark room
just listening
to: cars, planes,
people and dogs
pass in and
out of existence.

there is a pleasing
chill coming
through the open
window,
a delicate intrusion
of Winter at night.

a car locks,

a pipe bangs,

a door opens
then
shuts.

You know what it's like to go without.
No TV, no showers, no beds around.
I've traveled the world, but it's not the road I crave.
It's waking up with you when I start my day.

But I know I can't be free,
I've traded my happiness for guilt and misery.
You know I want to be with you,
But I'm just a soul destined for solitude.

So I'll travel to the darkside of the moon,
I'll get drunk and I'll sing the blues.
About the world that I've left behind,
all the ******* and the bad times.

Because I know I can't be free,
I've traded my happiness for guilt and misery.
You know I want to be with you,
But I'm just a soul destined for solitude.

Riddle me again,

if strength is defined as ‘having no fear’ and weakness is defined as ‘falling to fear’; why are the fighters against fear labeled strong? and the calm ones within fear labeled weak?

for if  the calm ones have overcome the fear mentally so that’ they see no  need to  fight the fear visibly; are they weak?

and If the weak are raged with fear that they  see the need to battle are they strong?

And if a warrior is borne in battle is he really 'strength' given that he came from 'weakness'? ,a descendant of the inability to conquer within and a  product of the visible battle.

and if the weak one is forgotten in peace because he was absent in visible battle having  conquered the fear within is he weak?

Different shades of light that have passed before my eyes.
Casting shadow and obscuring things and covering up the lies.
How to see the good in things when light keeps them concealed.
To hope that light might shine and falsehood and fake be revealed.

How very hard it has become to see the light as good.
So many years younger was I, when to see it so I could.
I thought that I had lost the light and darkness had prevailed.
The simple truth is it was by light and shadow that I was assailed.

It has been the light that has often broached through my defense.
Open to love, light shone in and seemed to make some sense.
My eyes were in awe of light and my heart overcome with joy.
Only to find that light is used in lies and deceits own employ.

I no longer can trust the light or give it even some small chance.
No more hurt to my heart from light disguised as loves romance.
I cant escape a world where light by all is worshiped for it's glow.
So I'll live a life that is empty in this light I have come to know.

As I approach the broken path,
The rolling hills,
Deep dusty baths
Of valleys waning
Far into the distance,
Beyond the smoky sky’s reaching;

I notice black broken rocks askew.
The breathless air,
Late mourning dew
Disrupted.

The land sits at unease,
Holding its bated breath
For something that would never happen.

I stand
Dazed; mind deterring
My hitherto partner.

I think to how I have passed this way before,
How it was different
How it was my first time
How the land was fresh and full of life
How time has degraded it.

Now it had passed,
Yet scars were left;
Not only to the land…

Struggling, I now remember
In blinding clarity
That I had passed this way before,
Alas, not alone.