your glasses are on the nightstand, my love
fill the gaps in my sentences with kisses
close the curtains and let the darkness consume us together

run your fingers through my hair
whisper to my aching bones that i'll be alright
hold my hands, my love, hold my heart

avoid eye contact with my blood shot eyes
don't let the door slam on your way out, my love
i won't ask you stay if you don't want to

i deleted all of your messages yesterday
your scent washed away in the washing machine
my phone is silent with out you to occupy it

the corners of the walls seem to blend in with everything else
i still seem to get sad sometimes, my love
my mind can't help but wander

do you search for me in her? do you search for me at all, my love?
do your fingers twitch when you think of me?
does your heart flutter? do your toes curl?

i don't think so
i hope not
because this is hell, my love, and i'm stuck in it without you

I potted your healing purple verbena
comforting scarlet geranium
never will forget you
pink carnation
the roots were dry
so I added new soil
watered them good
they'll survive

your granddaughter
brought them here
along with "Phil"
the ancient philodendron
he's taken up residence
close to her bed
his elephant ears
spread wide and listening

I thought you would  
be pleased to know
she loaded plants
until the car was full
that she did find
a bit of solace
in the garden
you left behind

I am driving.
The day has been long and frustrating.
My shirt is cold with sweat, still damp on my salty skin.
I was supposed to be in the shower right now.

My brother needed to be picked up from work.
"I can't do it, I'm cooking," my mother said.
So I went.

The road twisty and soaked with rain;
I was irritable--
Today had not been an enjoyable one.

As I was driving,
I looked out,
To my left.

I saw a rainbow.

A full arc,
One hundred eighty degrees of beauty.

Scientifically, there's nothing very special about a rainbow.
It's just water vapor, reflecting white light, refracting it into the color spectrum,
Which we see before us.

Nothing very special.
Seventh grade science, really.

But I found great comfort in the rainbow today.
Funny, the colors are all divided, yet united, one next to the other.

Maybe we should stand more like rainbows.

Funny, that first there must be a storm, some kind of adversity,
And out of it, something beautiful emerges.

Maybe we should react more like rainbows.

Maybe we should be rainbows.

Reflect the light in our lives,
All of it.
Don't just absorb and reflect back only some.
Reflect it all.

Rainbows are fleeting, though.
All beauty must fade,
Nothing gold can stay,
Or so I'm told.

Why be a rainbow?

Why not?

Why not be someone's source of solace in their time of stress?
Why not shine your glorious light unto them?
Who are you to be so selfish?

No.

I tell you--
Be a rainbow.

Will it be okay
To take another step?
The wind so merciless
The bridge sways reckless

Tight grips on the rope
Keep going forward
Each step meaning another risk
Of falling down into the deepest sea

Will it be okay
To take another step?
The rope is thin
The planks are breaking

Crossing once more
Facing the menacing force
I'm almost there
The other side is near

It will be okay
Though vicious tornadoes
And being carried away
On the other side..

I see you
With arms wide open
Smiling
Welcoming me **home

How many masks did I tear off their faces?
I've already lost count.
Of ****** faces and bruised eyes.
There's no heaven where I'm going.

Do they still breath I wonder.
Will they be happy?
Can I see them, my afflictions.
Will they find solace in my suffering?

The pain I feel.
It's all in my head.
The guilt of ******.
The pain of abandon.

Remind me in a park why you left.
So I can walk my own trail once more.

It is the soul of the night that devours me. Hours spent in silence frightens, enlightens, and bores me. Nature spins in all her soft cool glory. Little pools of water lit by lamplights. Cold fences swing in and out in time to the shifting masses of shift workers. Trucks come and go at random intervals. I am tired, so deep in the fatigue that I require crippling amounts of caffeine. I am a stimulant fiend. Barely functioning as me, more like a specter of me. I watch the world from my comfy shack, letting it spin me back. Dipping in the solace of solitude, I search the universe for truth. Eyes cast everywhere, mind running wild, I ask the night for answers. Its silence says, find it yourself.

Solace
is
found
in
Silence

As dark and dreary
it stands alone at night -
hoping for solace.