052625

It rained.
The sky trembled,
and so did I—
waking in the hush of lateness,
a body unraveling in silence.
Illness came not like thunder,
but like memory—
quiet and overdue.

Weeks ago,
voices too young to understand
asked me things I couldn’t answer.
I smiled.
But something inside
went missing.
So I closed the door
before the next knock.
I named it fear,
but maybe it was a kind of vanishing—
the way I’ve always slipped through
before connection could tether me.

Trust—
a thin, brittle bridge
between islands.
I walked it once.
Now I float
in my own weather.

I thought
I was finished breaking.
That the years had made me whole.
But strength is not stillness.
And even stone remembers
how to fall.

There were worries
I tore from my own hands,
pages I left blank
so no one could read me.
And yet—
this morning,
I unwrapped something fragile
I had wrapped in forgetting.

And it was me.
Still here.
Still trying to become.

Kneel beyond my throne, unaware it was born of lies.
Eyes linger on my every move, whispers shouting.
Am I meant to replicate perfection, or just die trying?
Cold smiles approach, thinking they have uncovered my tell-tale heart.

But I am a seasoned ghost.

Being raised to suffer, I have learned to hide.
To mold myself to fit the standards.
To grit my teeth and stand still as my form shifts once again.
Knowing the brief seconds of waking are a soft euphoria I will soon miss.

I wake to a dawn meant only for the dying.

I wake to reset my own jaw,
bending my bones backwards
with the occasional crack,
a ritual ensuring I resemble something human.

People believe I am powerful, successful, happy,
(but i am as fragile as frost on a window touched by morning).
My costume is convincing, but cannot change what I am.
Invisibly so, and so the pretending continues.

Sickness.
A middle ground between
A life worth living
And a life sequestered
From the worth
Of living.

Hallowed be thy strength,
Calling forth a certainty
That life will remain.
Preserved, teaching
Lessons of perseverance,
Stagnation and decay.

If only strength
Was strong enough to
Keep sickness at bay.
Falter faster, with ease,
Conveying a simple,
Yet efficient mean.

Time slips, memories fade.
Strength gives in,
An internal raid
Fills the void
With a void,
Yet how surprising

When you were never loved.

A mangled bird slumps in her gilded cage
Surrounded by opulence and feasts she cannot savor
Golden bars festooned with rolling joints and popping bones
A doll sewn by a child's hand
Pull her thread as she buckles like a blueberry
Blood
A viscous syrup in her legs
Sticky confluence
Heartbeat like a hummingbird
The nectar would likely cause an eruption of glowing pink hives
A rosy sanguine sea
Vision blurring
Rumination like hands on a clock
Round and round
Living days like
Copy, paste
Groundhog's Day
Oh, look, it's night again
Ice packs and Epsom baths
Erratic dreams
The clock resets
Oh, joy, it's day again

I am frustrated with myself
Y won't I change myself?
I do all the work on myself
But I still am not getting the results I want from myself

Who I am now is not enough to be self
I need more of myself
To expand into more of myself
but still I can't bring change through myself

I am age deaf
Deaf to the inevitable success brewing in myself,
Something mischievous is working against my self
Maybe an elf
That doesn't want to be a shelf
Holding onto parts that remind me of the inadequacies of my knife
I can't cut through to release myself
I desperately want to rebrand myself
So I can differentiate from my past self

I am tired of proving this new self
Her existence stranger to her own self
All she wants to be is high on life it self
Which always reflects back her divinity in herself

Ooo the pains of being so focused on myself
I can't get enough of all this attention on myself
From myself
All my problems a delight to marinate on oneself
Isolated from the world's problems watching from the topself
I have to solve my own problems before I can focus on your self

Ooo but my lonesome can't stand figuring all this out by myself
I guess that's y we split up and branched out to explore our self
So we can share different possibilities to free my self
And your self
So we can remember the freedom of being non self.

So goodbye not self
I tried but I can't bring myself
To act in your behalf
With you I can't laugh
I'd rather be the staff of my higher self
My lowerself is betting on the neck of this giraffe,
You don't give an F,
But you will when you realize you're nomore 12.
These cycles won't break themselves.
So let's rev
And meet our best self

It's OK to lean into help
You don't need to pay for this soul hotel
Drink up from this well
So confusion you expell
Clarity your gut smells
Your present self is perf
You just gotta remember your true self
God herself within you dwells
So give up the struggle, time to rebel

No need to repel
What is true in this melt
Your soul awakens to help your human compell
You already have the wealth
Like the clothes you've been dealt

wasnt any reason for me to lie.
the scars and bruises where they lie
why on earth do you doubt
why do you push and shove and shout

selfishly sick is what i be
the trauma fake? oh honestly!
i let it happen
i hurt myself
i do it all
and don't ask for help

i am failing critically
i am sick, selfishly.

i let you laugh
i let you lie
i kiss my "normal" life goodbye.
i let my thoughts
dissipate
let the next person take my place

if i lied for over a year
wouldnt that make the truth everclear?
foggy memories swirling endlessly

we are sick, selfishly

-yjp

I'm a somber soul,
My baby is sick at home.
I'm too far to walk,
I'm too young to drive.
Oh it's such a pity,
Lonely with the little lows of life.
My baby is sick at home,
But I've just gotta pocket,
All my strife to sickness.