Feel like I went
somewhere wrong
People look but
they don't hold on
And I so crave
for interaction
For a poetic
intersection
I can't
stop writing
It's reverse writer's block
that I'm fighting
When all I can do
is oversharing
the pressure in my head
is overbearing

I know we are all
most interested in ourselves
Standing tall
in front of our virtual bookshelves
Not much wrong with it
It's only human nature
we wait for our creations to be a hit
so we feel a little bit more mature

Our intentions must be
somewhat the same
Am I wrong in thinking that we all
want a little bit of fame
Maybe the word falls short to describe
I mean we all want to be seen
Make a small impact, "please subscribe"
Everyone wants to be part of the scene

Oh but "I don't care what I am",
that's not what I do
Ah but unfortunately
that's not even half true
I didn't care much when
I started out
Simply because
I wasn't so proud
Of being able to write
my most inner thoughts down
and still call them
my own
And I still don't feel
proud in comparison
All these beautiful souls on here
This lyrical ship has quite a strong garrison

But it makes me sad and I wonder
about some of you
and that's why I started to ponder
cause I have no clue
What does "a follow for a follow" mean
If that's all we do
what does it matter, why so keen

Do you think it's only fair
I follow you, you follow me
But I want you to really care
To click because you want to see
Silly little adventures that I share
and who I want to be

I still strive to feel connected
I read of you
til I'm feeling like everything's collected
Is it too much to ask to wish you'd too

Among the many things
I have learned to do
In this life
Is to “nag” myself

I nag myself
To take a walk
Because it is good for me

Exercise you know
Is good for me

I nag myself
To avoid wasting time
And I nag myself to
Take some time for myself

I nag myself about the things
I did not do
Like buy a sweet sports car
Like see that popular foreign movie
Like read the writings of the Dalai Lama
Like love others more
Like love myself more

I nag myself
To stop nagging myself

i'm not all that great at opening up
with written words its not that
it's still closed, kept in the expression of art
but when it comes time to speak of the real feelings
i shiver and shudder at the thought of my sensitivity.

i'm not good at opening up
because telling someone you care makes you weak
its a strong thing to say, but an easy thing to exploit
and meaning it mean that you can be hurt
and i've never said something i didn't mean.

so i'm terrible at opening up
because this loving heart is powerful
and i'd hold you to me, listening and keeping you safe
i'd leave myself open, to make you feel comfortable
never seeing the knife sneaking to my heart

i'm awful at opening up
i'm selfish with this compassion
i'm unable to brave the pain
because if i wasn't
who's to help me when my heart is in pieces?

some days I sit back
and wonder what it feels like to be small.
I dream of looking up to meet his gaze,
instead of him being the one to do so.
I crave the sensation of my head
burying into his chest,
feeling so secure.
But instead I settle for my chin resting
on his shoulder.
It pains me when they don’t look down to me,
when instead they’re meeting my eyes
or worse, looking up to me.

I don’t mind my tummy or my thighs that touch.
My round cheeks and hips don’t bother me.
It’s only my tall height that gets me down,
that makes me feel so self-conscious.
I’ve cried and cried and cried,
prayed and prayed and prayed,
that some day I’ll wake up in a new body.
A smaller body, one just four inches shorter.
So I can hear his heartbeat drum in my ear,
so I can look up to meet his gaze.
So that I can feel secure and not uncomfortable.
Maybe one day I can accept,
but for now I just want to feel small.

In the blink of an eye
I lost myself
I said goodbye
I turned my head and went
I turned it again and again.
Til it send
all my past selves to fly with the wind
By the morning I was born anew
And yesterday had sinned
I left my old clothes on the windowsill
I might pick them up and fly right out
One day, yes, first I'll climb this hill
Get all the way on top of it
with feet sore of rocky walks
with shoes that never really fit
I'll get up there just to see
to find there is
another me
And maybe here I'll find
life is not what life once was
it's really all a state of mind