Lone wolf,
In the storm.

Howling a broken melody,
Uncertain where to trek.
Uncertain of herself.

She plays strong,
She plays cool.
She plays wise.

Inside,
She knows.
She's broken.
Scarred.

Trying to reach,
That hand outstretched.
Trying to pull her into his arms.

He's trying to understand.
She's trying to explain.
Why it happens...
Why she's broken..

She can't explain,
Life just pushed her down.

Into the darkest hole,
It could find.

He's trying to save her,
She's trying to save him.
Not herself.

She doesn't think about herself,
Maybe that's the issue.
The burden she has.

The anxiety,
The mistrust.

It's all because,
Those she thought.
Could be trusted.

...couldn't...

for i am a deer
in a family of hunters

"Rereading her texts doesn't bring her back from the dead."


And I'm dead anyways. So read my texts all you want.

Somebody pick a fight with me. Set this all ablaze and watch the photos burn.

No.

I can't do that. I will not give the world the satisfaction of being right about me. That I'm this monster...

Rereading her texts doesn't bring her back from the dead.

But she's not dead.

So let me rephrase:

Rereading her texts... doesn't bring her back.

It's constant.

The crying.

Like a scene on repeat, and I can't turn the TV off.

I feel lifeless.

I want to be the pendulum swinging beneath a broken bridge over cold rushing waters.

I feel drunk.

Without being drunk..

I hate what happened.

I don't want this anymore.

Even if I do manage to fall asleep...

I have to wake up and do this all over again.

Never escaping this nightmare.

And continuing to cry.

Every day.

If friend groups and cliques played a major role in anything, school definitely takes most of the blame. Because when you get down to the truth, people are awful.

We are just, the worst. So don't go trying to chase a utopia where we all do good by each other, because we can't. We don't ever take the route we would actually prefer in life.

Why is that? I don't know.

Like I said, people are awful. And there really is nothing you can do about it.

Okay, you what saves my soul? Laughter.
Because even when I know somebody isn't talking to me, their laughter still exists. Hearing joy and knowing that someone is okay, words aside.

And for me, that will never be enough to satisfy my loneliness. But it has to be. For their sake.
And for some reason, I still hold out hope. The slightest bit of optimism. Why? Maybe because I can see it when eye contact is made for barely 5 seconds.

I can feel us wanting to fix everything. But for some reason... we don't?

And maybe we never will. And that will never be okay but it has to be. It doesn't make sense, it never will. And that's just my life. But I don't want this all to seem like a bad dream. Because I'll just look back with regret.

And I can't live like that.

It would **** me to do so.

Hallways:*

They're empty first of all.
And anything or anyone that appears to be there, isn't actually there, you-- are dreaming. Don't believe me?

Let's play a game, it's called, "Where's Waldo?" With you as "Waldo".
Yes, that's right, you-- have to find yourself in this sea of walls, floors and people you do not know.

These people, with stoic faces, walk the same halls, looking for the same thing. They do not care that you are here, and you don't care that they are here.

Just get to the end of the hallway, but don't go into the light, you are not here to die -- you can't. You have to find yourself before you do. But there are some people who die before finding themselves in the "Where's Waldo?" page.

They're dead!

Out of this maze of halls you find yourself in.

But you...

You are determined. You will not leave without finding yourself, do not allow yourself to give up!

Look!

At the end of the hall! It's you!

You found yourself! You win the search! Now go!

Run! Get to them, yourself is waiting for you at the end of this hall.

RUN! Run as fast as your legs can carry you! Because you do not have time to think, so RUN!

They need you to save them! They're calling out to you, screaming for help, for You.

Get to them, grab their hand, save them!

...And just as you barely make contact with their hand and lock eyes with a body with the same eyes and face as you...

They begin to fade, to disappear!! WAIT!  NO!

Come Back!!

You were so close to saving them!

You wake up.

It was all just a dream.

You were dreaming right? You know you were dreaming!

You get up. Open the door... exit the room...

And you walk down a hallway...