We are so different it’s kinda weird almost like chalk and cheese, wasnt expecting you to completely change after a month of not seeing you, it’s just the weirdest feeling knowing I’ve to let you go, because even speaking feels so hard and I feel like I’m talking to a wall.

But being honest I knew it was gonna happen, the two of us do nothing but snap, but now even trying to have a laugh everything feels fake, maybe keeping you around was a ******* mistake.

I was sent to **** you,
but which one?

The one that clings to every virtue,
or the one that weeps in shameful radiance?

I was sent to **** you,
but which one?

The one whose smile is never warm enough,
or the one that craves perfection?

I was sent to **** you.

its not that i want views
i just want to be validated
to feel like somebody gets me.
like i'm not a ******. 

its not that I want friends
i just don't want to be alone.
to feel like i can share my thoughts freely
like i don't have to cower in a corner all day

its not that i want to be happy 
i just want to feel normal.
to feel like my conditions don't define me.
to break free from the grasps of 
anxiety, depression, addiction.

its not that i want to die
i just don't want to be here anymore. 
to not feel anything 
to be whole.

No storm, no silence
a deep swell
of myself being
lost in myself

My organs merge
Fast fishes wave
under the skin surface

A forgotten desire
flows out over my cheeks

The first few weeks were absolute heaven, I finally found the love of my life!

Or so I thought…

More than a decade between us, I felt more childish compared to you, but yet you acted the same age.

You took advantage of my innocence, my curiosity and my inability to make right decisions. Not once did you give a ****.

You allowed me to be bullied, almost daily may I add.
You didn’t care, whatsoever!

I hope to never make anyone feel so unloved if anything… I over pour the cups of everyone I meet, just to prove I can.

You don’t have control over me anymore, I can finally breathe.

Since taking off the rose tinted glasses..

I can clearly see.

Do you remember our garden?
The one we used to dream about?

We planted seeds and flowers rose from the earth.
Do you remember our garden,
where the birds once sang
and sunlight painted everything gold?
Do you remember what happened to our garden?

What became of our flowers,
our seeds, the birds, the sun?

Perhaps they began to rot after you colored the soil red.  
When you stepped over our flowers
and broke the wings of the birds.

I want you to weep for the blood you spilled.
I want you to mourn our garden
and the roots you burned.
I want you to look at the ashes
and let them remind you of the life
you chose to bury.

Do you remember our garden?
The one we used to dream about?
-  I still do.

Due to the emptiness within me,
I start to feel an  irrepressible lust for you,
Your oh so violent words and scary demeanor,
I lust for your blonde hair,
The smell of beer that never seems to leave you,
The sweet smell of kindness blended with meanness,
The metallic taste of power,
The sorest aftertaste of *******,
An irrepressible desire to **** the violence out of you,
To embrace it,
To coax it,
Choose me,
Recognize me,
Make me your thing,
I will forfeit my life,
And go wander around the world with you,
The wind will push us to the edge of the world,
And when you are tired of me,
You can just push me out,
Let my body deject into the deep of the ocean,
Will it be sweet?