(A lone voice whispers)

For all the what-ifs and what for's

And all those crazy games
We once lovingly played

Including
Those forgotten ones
Maybe clumsily waylaid

And now carefully
Put away

They were always worth the price

Especially
Those now

With bowed heads
Standing shining
Proudly on parade

Waiting for my attention
To be fully vetted and paid

As jealous slow-moving shadows
In the background
Of a new life

Smile Laugh
And wave

Dancing a Mephistophelian jig

While
Listening to songs and sounds
Sung and made

By the Devil's
Own seductive band

The hypnotic
Black Brigade

(C)
Copyright John Duffy

You like string music?
Wow, I do too,
In fact I used to play.

Do I miss playing?
Well of course I do,
I remorse everyday for my string wings,
And how they were taken from me.

Today, a years-long claim got denied — again.
I have been fighting the veterans affairs office
for too much of my life.
Sitting here at a job that brings me nothing, I silently weep
inside about the battle that I have to continue fighting.
At my work bench, surrounded by strangers to my struggles
I’m transported back to my first encounter
with the hellish reality of life in the Marines.
His cries for help rip me out of my bunk.
With his arms locked, under the boys armpits and across his chest,
he drags him out from the squad bay bathroom.
We’ve been in basic training only two weeks now.
Fresh out of high school,
our friends haven’t even left for college yet.
Blood sprays from his neck.
He’s laid on the ground, and my hands, like bandages,
are around him now trying to keep his life inside of him.
I never knew how hot freshly spilled blood was.
I close my eyes, and pray someone will come save him
and me.
I was only 18
and so was he.

                                        Hands, covered in life
                              It’s lost warmth — searing my skin
                                        Save me from this hell

Sleeping tears are awoken by the sorrow
They take no defence in their flow
Just carry the disease of despair

Sleeping tears talk to me when aroused
They threaten that all can never be well
For despair is an emotion i can escape

I always knew this was coming,
but still, I fought it—
like a moth drawn to the flame,
not out of choice,
but because I was made to burn.

The flame flickered, promising a release
I couldn’t name,
and I chased it, desperate in my hunger,
pretending I had a chance,
knowing deep down it was never a choice—
only the inevitable path to surrender.

I used to cry when I was alone,
I was scared of people leaving me,
I was more scared of getting used to it,
I have to thank you though because now,
I have no reason to worry all of that because,
I have you to stay with me and you have me too.

Cold and dark; sadness looms overhead umbrella-like,
Comforting, not.
Swallowing from within.
Yonder, the door opens and a light shines in.
Sadness flees as company beckons.

the tea in my bottle is never still.
in some way or another, the earth trembles.
this land has been wrecked with mother nature’s mood swings,
her earthquakes shaking us apart.
the crops tremor,
and the grass sways in the absence of wind.
maybe it’s the unsteady thumping of my heart.
maybe i mistaken the unsteady lines of its beat on the ECG machine
for that jarring feeling of losing my footing.
do you feel the way the earth shakes too?
do you hear the way my heart quivers for you?

10-12-18   12:17am

I want to be seen
and to be heard

I want to be loved
and never forgotten