Who am I when its all said and done?
A question that needs answers i dont have

My light was taken away from me,
I saw it starting to dim but the hope kept guiding me

I have much to accept,
I have even more to learn.

Who was I before this?
Who am I going to become during this?
Who am I going to be after this?

Questions I have to answer while I walk in the moonlight as my guide now,

My light is gone, and I can only reminisce
As that is when I thought I was at my best

Thats the thing about circles of life, you don't know where they start and where they end,

But living in them, and realizing you are happy.
Thats is an immense joy.

Abuse, avoid, forgive, abuse, avoid, forgive
It’s never ending a cycle of stupidity I allow to continue
We talk, we have fun, but I must follow the script

A cycle of stupidity I can’t break free of
Oh, how family can cause so much pain
A crave for love, and a crave to love
And all they crave is to be on top

But it’s not my fault you’re not the favorite
It’s not my fault you’re lazy and dumb
But it is my fault I stay
Stay in this box, broken and withered,

I stay with hopes you’ll change
But it’s been 15 years
And your grip has gotten stronger
And your heart has gotten colder
As my heart falls further

But I crave for love and protection
I crave for normalcy, and to be able to confide in you
But you’ve left me to fall apart like a box in the rain

I see others and how they live
Their hearts full
Not like mine
Not like yours

Not like your empty, broken heart
That knows nothing other than breaking mine
Not like my broken heart
That knows nothing but to try and fix the pieces.

Oh, it’s truly a cycle of stupidity, and I want to break free
But I live in a world of abuse, avoid, forgive

Even in the next life,
if your voice is cruel
and your hands forget mine,
I’ll search for you.

Even if you break me again
in another body,
with another name
I’ll ache the same way.

I’ll find you
through every life and loss,
and love you
even if I shouldn’t.

Because some promises
are older than mercy,
and I was always meant
to follow yours
through the dark.

they loaded their nerf guns with those gaudy orange foam bullets that almost hurt my eyes
as i stood there waiting with a shield made of a cardboard box to protect myself from those small pieces of foam.
everyone was excited, so i tried to be excited
but what they didn’t know is how painful those supposed “toy bullets” felt.

then they started shooting at me— every single bullet.
i dodged and shielded everything they gave me with the little energy i had.
i tried to fake enjoying it, i really did,
but deep down inside, all i felt was fear, afraid of getting hit.

as i was protecting myself from those foam bullets
one hit me— hard.
even worse, it came from one of those big, powerful ones.
i told everyone that one hit me, that i was in pain, that it hurt so bad
but all they said was “it’s just nerf bullets, they can’t hurt that much”.