Make me
***
On your big
****
Sweetly
Yet forcefully
Grab me by the hijab and hair
Kiss me roughly

In the lull
Of our constricted voice

In the hushing
Of our sullen realm

In the finite
Of our broken hinterlands

A watermark
No, rather

A barrow
A grave

Without inscription
Only handprints

In memoriam
Of the receding surf

Never heard
Never reached

A dream, a crave, a love engraved
A desire, a fire, a vision so dazed
Every thought, so fleeting, only this held tight
Every tear, such failure, for this i fight
Such pain, still settling, that road was rough
Such anger, ****** up, passion is never enough

i’m wasting all your ****
because every time you get high
i blow you like ****
if i bit the tip off
blood stained teeth look so bad
because the braces off
gum problems grinding teeth
crunching on pearls having dreams
of pearly whites falling out like
chuck e. cheese token
wake up startled and you’re not next to me
panic attack paranoia at 3 a.m.
witching hour demon watching through
the window
i am not safe from cherry eyes with the
lamp on because they can see me
staring through the window
spazz out to realization
what’s behind the woods
i take a pretty pill and slither out the window
while laying in my bed
pillow texture heavy but pitter patter crunch grass therapeutic
soar through fence, float over trees
come to the spot
by the lake we sat at on easter
i want to go back to summer
i want to go back to spring
i want to go back to winter
when we were shy for each other
now i can’t look you in the eyes
without twists of guilt and adoration
because we argue too much
i don’t even know how to cry
while you fill up the lake
big brash geese flop down into
this pool of your tears
i brush my hand against your shoulder
to comfort you but you shudder away
from me
like i’m a ghost’s breeze
my heart dips its head and goes
downstairs for a snack
water dispenser don’t work
so my mouth’s dry with toasted air
strained lungs can’t cough up words to say
knowing how to comfort you is a skill i forgot
all i can repeat is i love you
you sob at the side of your house as i flutter to you
butterfly butterfingers
as you slip out of my touch
i’m getting so distant
because the tide is pulling me back
let me say i love you baby
you say “i know you do”
i retract back to my bed
no night’s sleep stuck in a trip
doxycycline ***** cycle
you witnessed eight times
in one night
and you comforted me
i miss when we took care of each other
cycling through our memories
i want to pedal to you
but i don’t know how to ride a bike
told your pappy i ran over my mom with
purple disney princess bike when i was six
you let me in your home
built up on swiss cheese drywall
basically an old married couple at sixteen
waking up in (y)our bed together
naked planning for our baby in ten years
please let me cross this imaginary line
and run into your arms
our bodies were crafted from fire and amniotic fluid for the sheer purpose
of holding each other
the nook of your neck and shoulder
and the cranny of my hips
we come together like puzzle pieces
please don’t swipe me off the table
i want to fit with you

i take a stroll through a concrete fuzz of grey and gray
it seems so surreal to me to even breathe
i live in a dream where my feet move themselves
as my arms clench onto the bed
grasping sheets that protect me from no ghosts
no shadow people or monsters
because they crawl under them when i cry myself to sleep
i see so many faces
morphing changing
man to woman to someone
i fear recognition
i fear being nobody
the breeze is only temperature
pressure is an illusion
little children prancing through the mildew grass
what is green grass and
what are blue skies
what are happy smiles
when i'm not even frightened to die
spiraling in and out of control
i am a video edited
by my drugs
they insert transitions into my existence
fade effects and pretty overlays
i crave them like candy store kids
i envy them
i want to wear their shell
and experience their lust for growing old
so that i can reverse it
and back this car up into the walgreens
and stumble out with opal eyes
wider than how i spread my thighs
for personalities that are not mine
i want to french kiss a gun
and pull the bullets out with my tongue
and tie the metal into cherry knots
i want to see all the colors
and feel all the love for myself
that i don't have sober
i yearn to create solutions for all my mistakes
and accept that they got me to where i am now
keep pushing
so that the rest of my body moves with my feet
and my soul no longer stays in place

fireflies
wild flowers
growing in the rough

let them grow
where they go
thriving sure enough

Bar Steward Town 8
Do you satisfy your wife?
Let me do that to her

Things like that happen here
Nobody thought odd of it

Not even to the ****** couple bonking
In the school yard after hours

All the town's folk were this way
Thirsty and drinkers all the time

It was sort of local pride
Just like nailing a hole

Lots of ***** warm beer
And skanky holes

That type of town
Awesome people